The moon never came out tonight, just the darkness of the open sky. I think it’s the same darkness bottled up deep inside your dark soul. Their cacophonies are so intense, you have to cover your ears. They don’t see you sprint up to your room because they are too involved in their heated hatred towards each other to notice you. Once you’re in your room you dive under your covers and cry out the Niagara Fall. They keep screaming. It’s as painful as nails scratching a chalkboard.
Just a year ago you were sitting under the Christmas tree, as everyone was gleaming in a circle. You remember how splendid it felt to have everyone together, sharing the same happiness. You wonder where that radiance has gone too, but realize something much more creepier has taken over that place. The wrapping paper was flying in every direction, like birds, sailing out of the tall grass before slowly being taken down. You can relate to that bird that is behind the others. Being lost out in the world where people are constantly putting you down. You try to dodge these bullets, the same ones that bird is dodging, but with evil creeping in before the bullet is in the gun, you see the bird fall out of the blue open sky. Floating like a graceful feather.
Your surroundings are blurry from the fog of your tears and all you can help thinking about is when this torment will finally be put to an end. Now you hear the screen door snap shut and you know this time is going to be different. You wonder what parent is going to leave you this time and feel exasperation rush up your veins as you realize they didn’t even care about you enough to say a simple goodbye. You remember when your pastor from church recommended counseling to you and your family. Your mom looked down embarrassed, quickly adding, “There is no healing that can be done now; too much damage is done already.¨ You have never gotten along well, but you do remember the one time you opened up to her about how the world was always against you.
“ When will I finally see our family all smile again?” you exclaimed. You had to linger onto her next words attentively because her voice was almost too soft to hear.
“ Me and your dad are trying, but know none of this is your fault.¨ You want to believe those words but still feel the burden of not always being a impeccable child.
As you hear the engine roar to life, you picture just a year ago, when you were all sitting around your round wooden dinner table having a normal conversation like what you can dream a regular family would act like. You told them a story about how you tumbled down the stairs for the second time that week and you noticed your dad chuckling for the first time in months, but you couldn’t tell if it was from you or the cup of booze he was sipping on. You blame his addiction for the love dying amongst your family. Also for the reason that you never got a kiss goodnight for the last six months before you rested your head on your pillow. Instead of spending time with your family, you would often hear the door creak open and knew he came home when you heard the jingle of his keys fall on the counter. When he staggered upstairs, with the faint smell of beer under his breath and his eye’s turning a light shade of yellow, you knew exactly where he had been. You used to see so much in those eyes. A spark of hope, your dreams, and the loving father that is nowhere to be seen. Now when you look in those eyes, you can only see hurt. Such an immense amount of hurt, you can’t meet eyes for more than three seconds.
You begin to fantasize how miraculous it would feel to have a family that cares about you. The other kids at school brag about family vacation and how successful their lives are going. They will never understand how fortunate they are to get a hug everyday, a kiss goodnight, and most of all someone that loves them more than anything else in the entire world . You stop daydreaming as you hear the tires speed down the road, like cars on NASCAR that you saw your dad watching before, while eating a bag of microwave popcorn in his favorite chair where the leather is worn in many spots. By now you can hear your mother's wheezes as she is gasping for air while slowly falling to the comfort of the cold, hard ground. The way she stares up at you from the staircase is like an abandoned puppy. This intense pain hurts you more than the pain you are hiding inside.
As you walk down the hall, you see the one thing that could bring comfort to you no matter how rocky your day had been. It’s a picture of your family down in Mexico when you were four years old with your favorite Cinderella swimsuit. Your dad is on the right with a striped yellow towel draped over his shoulder, you're in the middle with a sun hat bigger than you were at two feet eight inches, and on the left is your mom in her red bikini. You’re all holding hands in a line, walking down the shore with sea shells scattered every two feet. The grins you all have makes a tear roll down your cheek as you know misery has replaced the grins your loved ones once had.
By now it has been forty eight hours since you last saw your dad’s ugly blue Converse. Although now, they don’t seem quite so ugly. As you walk down the steep stairs you see a glimpse of something sparkling from the sunlight beaming in from the kitchen window. You walk towards the granite counter and see that it’s your father’s wedding ring. The once gorgeous gold wedding band has now formed a ring of rust on it from the time it has gone without being worn. Under this symbol of your parents love dying is an already tear stained red sticky note. You pick it up carefully and read,
Carrie,
I’m sorry to have left, but I have to stop living like this. I’m deciding to move on with my
life. I will be sending you the divorce papers ASAP. Take care of Hailey, I wish I could take her with, but I don’t know if I can even take care of myself. I wish the same joy for you that I desperately need. 
- Dave
As your eyes scan over the last line, you realize that you have lost everything you once held dear. Your mom has been trapped inside her room for two days and has not even mentioned you exist, and now your dad has left you for good.  Your family, your happiness and now your hope is now just a shout in the void. You wonder if it could have been different if he hadn’t been an alcoholic. Maybe things would have turned out different, but know you have to stop dreaming; you are living in reality.
You remember seeing a homeless person lying on the sidewalk as you walked past them to get your favorite rocky road ice cream from the ice cream shop with your friends. You remember hearing your friends snicker when they saw his definition of clothes and desperate attempt for money. ¨ It's obviously going towards drugs,¨ Katie said as she walked past him in her new two hundred dollar UGG boots. You know you are like that homeless person now; you both have absolutely nothing.
You muster enough strength to go to the white medicine cabinet and grab the last seven pills of Advil PM. You count out each pill representing what you wish to have and that you never received. The first, for a real family, second for continuous love, third for hope, fourth for forgiveness, fifth for a healed heart, sixth for incessant happiness, and the seventh for a new beginning. You do not need water because your throat is moist already from all the tears you've cried out in the last dreary week. As you shut your eyes and take in your last breath, you feel the warmth of your dad leaning down, with his lips puckered, planting a kiss on your forehead and saying the words you needed desperately to hear the last few months … “ I love you”.