"Sam!" he hissed, just like he always did.

I had 30 seconds before I was called again, 30 seconds to remind myself that his opinion isn't mine. 30 seconds to remember that I was going to be okay. Then 30 seconds to walk down there are forget all of my preparation.
"Sam..." he sighed. He was tired of me wasting his time, and I was tired of feeling this way.
I moved my fully dressed, almost lifeless body to the stairs, and down them. My heartbeat got faster every step I took because this had finally gotten out of hand and we both knew it.
"Don't forget your jacket honey!" my mom called helplessly.
I took that as an excuse for another 30 seconds, whipped around, my dress twirling with me and ran back up the stairs. I could hear my dad sigh, louder than the first time and for once I felt like I held the power. It only lasted a split second. I grabbed my jacket and found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. It was so silent and the world just seemed to stop. I was now drifting into a daydream but it was more like a nightmare because I was remembering everything from the past two weeks and realizing that I hadn't even spoken to my best friend in that time. I snapped back into reality and unwillingly took my body down the stairs for the last time feeling the cold, dry wall beside me. I looked at my mom with a lifeless glare "Bye mom, see you later,"
she could feel my pain but wasn't really trying to help me so I turned around and headed for the door. My dad was already in the car with his music playing and his finger tapping out the window. I got into the car and didn't look at him once. Of course I could drive myself but without a big surprise my dad insisted on taking me because he thought that I wouldn't go. Looking out the window I saw everything that usually made me happy. The blue and purple flowers in Mrs. Leshney's garden, the three little boys that I babysat every Wednesday waving at me, and Nikki's house. A place where I had so many memories. A place I hadn't been to in forever. Her bedroom light was on and I wished that I was there.
My dad was listening to the twang of the guitar on the radio and he finally looked peaceful for the first time in weeks. I was looking intently at the deep emerald green grass and it occurred to me that this car ride was taking forever. The only thing I was thankful for right now was the fact that I wasn't being lectured. I think I'd heard everything that man could possibly say. If he were to share his thoughts with someone else I could probably repeat it on his behalf. It always ended with "I'm doing this for your benefit Sam." he never really had time for me unless it was lecture time. He never cared enough to stick around me for awhile.
"You should start thinking about what you’re going to say, do you remember the things we talked about?" he questioned. By then I heard him speak but for once I didn't care enough to process his words. I began to zone out and I knew this wasn't the best time. I felt like I couldn't control it, so I just rested my head on the window, ran my fingers through my hair and continued to stare at the grass. I could feel his eyes glued to me but he didn't say anything. Maybe he finally decided to give me a break. It was a little late for that, but appreciated. I hadn't been paying much attention in class within the last week so I was basically screwing myself over. I used to recognize myself, it's funny how reflections change. I wasn't acting like myself and I became more and more uncomfortable every single day. I need to snap out of this. Yes, I didn't like what was happening in my life right now but this is going to happen a million more times. This isn't all I'm living for and I'm okay. I need to let it go. The different variations of green grass started to blur together and I went numb, Feeling my body relax. I began to dream of the first time my dad lashed out, he wasn't always like this.
I breathed in the sweet smell of fresh air and ran through my memories.
“Sam I need you to come downstairs for a minute,” my dad yelled. I was never in my room too much. After soccer practice or school I would usually stay downstairs but I sometimes I wanted to be alone and just rest.
“Okay, be down in a minute,” I called back. I ran down the stairs and twirled around the corner. My eyes met with a version of my father that I don't usually meet.
Holding a bunch of papers that didn’t mean anything, he looked at me with a stone face and said, “When are you getting a job?” I didn’t really think he was being serious but he didn’t break out into the sarcastic laugh that usually followed his mostly misunderstood humor.
“What?” I scoffed a little laugh. To say the least he wasn’t very pleased with my expression. He turned around and his eyes followed the pattern of the ceiling.
“What’s happening?” I questioned. He was giving me so many mixed signals. For a minute he wouldn't look at me with his hands on the side of the sink, staring out the window. When he turned around he looked like despair if it were an expression itself.
           “Sam. You need to get a job. I don't care if this isn't what you want.” he stated.
           “Dad! You know that I don't want one, we've been over it with mom a billion times. They scare me just anything else because I don't think I'm good enough. I'm never good enough.” I replied. He went the table to sit down and said, “You're going to have to get over it.”
           “Get over it? Dad, who are you?” I questioned and headed for my bedroom. He didn't have anything else to say to me so he just let me go. Minutes later my mom got home and I told her everything that happened and she said that he has been talking about it forever. Talking about how I needed to step up in the family and help out. But between my sister Megan and I, I was the helpful one. She really liked to be in her own space. I didn't have anything to say to my mom because this seemed so random to me. Me and my mom shared everything and I was so shocked to know that she didn't say anything about it. She sat there with no emotion just looking at me. When she finally spoke she said, “Honey, I think this might be good for you, just not under the best circumstances. You have to try, he's not going to let this go.”
I was in denial of this actually happening, but just like my mom said, I had to try.
“Alright, I’ve done all of my research,” I moaned.
“Good, now print the applications and get started,’ my mom requested. We both knew that i didn’t think this was a good idea. I painfully worked my way to the printer, yanked the papers away and stared at them. I guess i needed this to happen. we have Tops, Office max, Andersons, and Taco Bell. I thought while flopping onto my lifeless bed. After a quick peptalk from me to me I voluntarily slid in my chair and across the floor to my desk.
             “Name, easy. Age, easy. Address, easy…”  This seemed so easy but I knew this was only the beginning. Time never seemed to go this quickly and slowly at the same time. In everything it came down to, I was scared of being rejected. I know it sounds stupid. I was having a full conversation with myself. It almost seemed like everything in my life up to this point worked out so it was time that something didn't. When I finally glanced back at the clock it was 5:30, 40 minutes since I started. I was done, still sitting at my desk. Was I setting myself up for failure? Was I doing the right thing?
             “Time for dinner,” my mom called. I came downstairs and saw my favorite meal and my family. The family I missed and loved.
           I snapped back to reality when the car went over a bump. I was unsure of where I was so I looked around. We were almost to Anderson’s and I started to hyperventilate. My dad looked at me with soft, glassy eyes. He looked sorry. Genuinely sorry. His soft eyes made me remember when he would come to my soccor games late. I would look over to the crowd and see him, him with his soft eyes. As if they were saying sorry and I love you across the field. I always forgave him. He was busy, I couldn’t say he wasn’t. The car bumped over the driveway and pulled into a parking space. He picked up his coffee, took a quick sip, and looked at me. Looked at me like he had something to say. I knew him too well, if he wasn’t already saying it, he was tounge tied. To make my father speechless was always one of my favorite things. I leaned over to him and whispered in a soft voice to calm the mood. “I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that this will help me, but I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just let me do this on my own.”
“Samantha…” he softly pushed. I had already gotten what I waited for. He was speachless, and he said Samantha. No one ever said that. No one ever took the time to say Samantha, but now he was taking the time for me. I took a deep breath and walked towards the building, I knew what I was doing. This time I knew that I was going to walk out of there and be okay. My preparation finally worked for once and I looked back to see my dad smiling at me. No more questions, no more answers. These things were just the way they were. Nothing could change that. Not my attitude, not my words, nothing. I reached peace with my dad, and I now reached peace with myself. I got to the door, grasped the handle and cautiously pulled it open. The lady behind the counter glanced at me. She easily examined me and waved me over. I had the next 30 seconds to get a good first impression, but I was sure if myself this time.