My palms are sweating and I can hardly grab my coffee without spilling it. ‘Why did I decide to do this?’ I thought to myself, ‘Why did I agree to meet him?’ I close my eyes, resting my head on my hands. After moments passing by, I felt myself slowly untensing, at least up until I heard my name being called by a voice I haven’t heard in years. I looked up and met his blazing golden eyes with my dark blue ones. I’m pretty sure the wind was knocked out of me because I could hardly breathe without a shooting pain in my chest.

“Anabell…?” I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to see him there. All I wanted to do was dart right out of that little cafe and just go on about my life without him, just like I finally learned to do.

“Hey,” I was so nervous even my smile was shaking along side my words. He came over and sat down in front of me. You can almost cut the tension with a knife, ‘This was a bad idea’.

“How are you..? You look wonderful.” I had to keep myself from snorting at his comment.

“I am amazing. I finally got that job I’ve always wanted and I own my own apartment not to far away from here,” Thinking about these things it actually made me loosen up and smile, a genuine smile. “How are you?”

“I have been okay. But honestly, life without you sucks, you made everything so much better. My smiles were real around you and I could actually laugh without feeling pain. I mis-” I cut him off.

“Is this why you wanted to meet up?” I couldn’t bring my eyes to meet his.

“Wh-hat? N-no of course not, why do you say that?”

“Why do I say that? Do you even have to ask me that? This is what you do. This your thing. You were so used to me coming back to you even after you messed up so many times. You got off on this idea and feeling of having so much control over me. I would come crawling back to you every single time, no matter how much you hurt me. I told you once that I had enough of it when I left. And you said you wouldn’t do it again. I gave you time. I gave myself time to heal and yet here you are, three years later trying to do it all again. Yo-”

“Annabell listen to me!” He cut him off but I was not going to have it.

“No, you listen to me. You cannot keep doing this. You cannot keep coming back into my life every time you see that I am doing better without you. I was young and dumb when we met and since we have been apart I have finally realized what I need and how to get there. And I am sorry but you are not going to come in between that, not anymore.” I am out of breath and I can picture how red my face is, due to the amount of heat that is filling my cheeks. “I am sorry but you’re not doing this. Maybe someday we can become friends but it’s not likely. You would just destroy that too.” Grabbing my bags, I laid a 20 on the table for my coffee and I walked out. I didn’t look back either and I am proud to say that this is my first time doing something for me.

Getting back into my car, I grabbed my notebook but to my dismay all of the papers came flying out. One piece in particular stood out to me. Mainly because of the date on it. It was dated three years ago...The day I left. ‘This is going to be a bad idea,’ I thought to myself yet I still peeled the paper apart with caution.

“You are such a beautiful nightmare. You made yourself out to be the damsel in distress. The beautiful angel whose wings have been intertwined in black flowers. But maybe the whole time you were just a demon trapped in an innocent body, who's really good at acting. I fell for your tricks and i ended up getting burned. I always seen you as this amazing person who sometimes did bad things. I thought I understood that, so each time I came back. I fell more and more for your stupid tricks and I ended up in the rabbit hole. I don't know why it took me so long to realize what you were doing to me. You tore me apart, piece by piece. Limb by limb. Burned every part of my heart until the only thing left was the ashes that used to be filled with so much love for you and only you. Time and time again, you took a little piece of me and threw it away. Now there's nothing left. But the sad thing is, if you asked me to come back, I would. I would still love you with every fiber of my being. I'd still love you with that empty hole in my chest. Even though I know you're just going to destroy that too."
                                                   
I have never felt such a feeling more than I did in that moment. For once, he crossed my mind, dragging the load of memories he left behind, yet it no longer shot a hole through me. Maybe, now is the time they always talk about. Maybe, now is the time that the past isn’t so painful anymore.