“I can’t do this.”
“Yes you can, Laura. I know you can.”
Laura willed herself to move down the cracked sidewalk as she ran her dark hand through her curly hair, eyes darting from her companion’s rosey cheeked face, to the ground, and back up again. Her girlfriend Audrey accompanied her down the sidewalk with a reassuring hand on Laura’s back as cars occasionally made their way past.
“No, Audrey, you don’t understand. This is my mother we’re talking about. The woman who hasn’t approved of anything I’ve ever done. And I’m the genius who thinks it’s a good idea to introduce my girlfriend.” Laura grimaced as the words slipped out. She didn’t mean for it to sound like Audrey was the problem here. Audrey was never the problem, hell, if anything she was the solution. Laura was always the problem.
“Audrey I didn’t mean it—“
“I know babe, I get what you’re trying to say. But I think if you just try to explain to her our relationship and tell her how much it means to you, I’m sure Finley will understand! That’s what moms are for, right?” Audrey rationalized. Laura crumpled in on herself, trying to pretend that this wasn’t actually happening; that maybe she was just on a regular walk or she was going to work or something. Anything but the reality of it. Laura pivoted on her heel.
“Well, time to go turn back home! Let’s go Audrey I’m sure the cat is hungry—“
“We don’t have a cat.” Audrey stated, matter-of-factly. She took Laura’s arm and turned her, once again heading in the direction of the restaurant they were to meet Laura’s mother.
The restaurant wasn’t exactly high class, but it did make a feeling of respect bubble up in Laura as her girlfriend pulled her through the door.
“Well this place ain’t exactly the Ritz, huh Laura?” Audrey commented.
“Oh, I actually kinda liked it. They’ve got a cute color scheme going on, at least in my opinion.”
“Y’know, I’m not surprised at all. The reds and maroons are very…you, Laura.” Audrey laid a hand on the small of her back and began scanning the tables for Laura’s mother, soon realizing that she has absolutely no clue what Finley looks like, making the search pointless.
A quick silence fell between them as Audrey waited on Laura to spot her mother. The skittishness from before had lessened and Laura hoped it stayed that way as her eyes shifted from patron to patron.
“Maybe she’s not here yet.” Audrey suggested, shrugging her shoulders. The idea was even more nerve-wracking to Laura, having to watch her mother search for her in the filled restaurant, eventually chiding her for not wearing a noticeable enough outfit or something as equally ridiculous. There was no way for her to do right as far as her mother was concerned. Laura’s thoughts halted as she spotted the recognizable small, dark brown afro pushed back with a headband that she couldn’t deny was in fact her mother, Finley Contee. Panic rushed through her veins and her pulse picked up as her shaking hand clung to Audrey’s.
“No. She’s here.” Laura’s usually gentle, light words were harsh and clipped, signifying to Audrey that her partner was definitely not the confident and lively Laura she knew.
“Hey,” Audrey spoke in a hushed voice, “you’re gonna be okay, babe. You’ve dealt with so many things before, this is nothin’, right?”
Laura didn’t dare open her mouth, and instead lead the way to Finley’s table. There were only three chairs despite the surrounding tables having four. Laura knew her mother, and knowing Finley would have nothing less than perfection, assumed the extra chair was taken by the staff.
“Hello, mother. Um, H-How are you today?” Laura stuttered out, silently chastising herself for it. Her mother’s brows began to lower. Sweat began to bead on Laura’s forehead as she and Audrey sat in the chairs adjacent to the older woman.
“Hungry. Tired of waiting. Annoyed. See, all these things could’ve been avoided if your had just gotten here sooner, Laura.” Finley shot a glare at her daughter, then the girl next to her. “And who, pray tell, is this?” she queried, folding her arms and leaning back against her chair.
“I told you I would be bringing a guest mother. This is Audrey.” Laura hesitated, “My…girlfriend.” Her hands were shaking now, and she could feel her mind begin to buzz with fear.  She watched as her mother’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline, internally and externally cringing. The background noise of the other patrons was a hush under the screaming silence between them.
“Girlfriend.”
“Um, yes…Audrey is my girlfriend.” Silence. “We’re dating.” Her eyes fell to the stitching in the tablecloth.
Audrey sat in an uneasy hush, feeling unwelcome in the situation despite the poor excuse for a conversation revolving completely around her. The silent girl looked down, noticing the menu sitting before her. Deciding it was probably best to continue sitting this one out, she brought the menu up and hid behind it, peering up over the top every few seconds.
“First of all Laura, look at me when we are speaking. You look like you’re autistic when you don’t make eye contact.”  Laura’s eyes shot up to her in exasperation as well repulsion.
“Mother, you can’t say—“
“Second of all, you intend to tell me that you’re a homosexual? This is just like you, trying to be special so you can steal the spotlight for yourself when others deserve it more. I swear, I raised you better than this.” Finley shook her head for a time, then stopped to readjust her headband.
Laura’s lips tightened, holding back her words and her tears. She would be in trouble if either came out, and might as well say goodbye to any chance of dinner if both slipped out. Ducking her head down, Laura looked to Audrey. Her lipstick coated mouth hung open in awe as the explanations for her partner’s prior distress seemed to pile up before her.
“Ha-ha, well…I think we should call the server over and order, what do you guys think?” Audrey’s eyes shifted from Laura to Finley, then back to Laura. The latter looked about ready to lie down and cry, while the former was intently inspecting her silverware. “Okay…I guess I’ll do it then!”
Finley requested fajitas; Audrey settled for a plain salad and there was some sort of baked pasta dish for Laura. Knowing the look on the shaking girl’s face, Audrey had placed the order for her. Finley, unsurprisingly, made a smart remark about Laura having her “friend” do everything for her and Audrey sighed inwardly as she saw Laura’s shaking become incessant, bordering on violent. Audrey questioned if Finley somehow didn’t notice the state she had induced in her daughter, chose to ignore it, or, most likely, just blamed the entire situation on Laura.
When the food arrived, Laura still couldn’t muster a word. She silently gazed as her mother received her steaming plate and Audrey her crisp salad. Her plate was last to be placed in front of her. The nervous girl looked at her food and to her discomfort, the pasta had fennel in it. She hated fennel. It reminded her of her mother.
Laura looked over to Audrey, who was reaching for her water.
“Water. That’s a good idea, I can do water.” “I can do this, it’s simple. I just gotta…keep my hand steady.”
Laura gathered the stability to stretch her hand out for the drink. She took in deep breaths as her hand made its way to the glass. Finley cleared her throat and that’s when she lost it. Laura’s hand made contact with her glass, knocking it over onto Finley’s napkin and silverware.
“Laura!”
Oh no.
“Can’t you do anthing right? All you’ve ever done for anybody is ruin things for them! What kind of brain damage do you have? You’re an absolute disappointment.”
The world was a blur in front of Laura’s eyes. Her hands quivering too hard to stop, she frantically darted her gaze across the restaurant. People were starting to look. Tonight was a disaster, a failure just like Laura.
“I messed everything up, just like always.” Laura’s mind raced. “I’m the worst, just like she says. I’m horrible I can’t believe I ruined this too, she’s absolutely—“
“Miss Contee!” Audrey’s voiced snapped Laura out of her stupor and the girl’s eyes rose to her girlfriend, on her feet, hands firmly pressed on the table.
“Your treatment of Laura is ENTIRELY unacceptable. She is a human being, not some mutt you found on the streets.” Laura’s jaw dropped as her mother tensed up but to Laura’s dismay, Finley had shaken it off in a heartbeat.
“Well, Audrey, was it? I don’t think you have any goddamn right to tell me how to raise my child.”
Audrey’s eyes alit with a raging pyre, her love for her Laura the only thing keeping her from backing down.
“Miss Contee, with the way you berate her for the things you have done to her and for being herself, you’re not fit to raise a child!”
All surrounding sounds came to a halt, the other patrons shocked silent by Audrey’s outburst. The silence was pierced as the smoke alarm above their table and conveniently, above Finley’s smoking dish. The sprinklers sprung to life and so did the customers around them. In the chaos, Audrey grabbed Laura’s hand and they made their escape from the catastrophe of an outing.
After running for a block or so, Laura finally slowed to a halt and Audrey did the same. Giggles bubbled out of her mouth as tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I guess tonight was kind of a disaster, huh.” She sighed, starting to amble down the sidewalk. “That’s my mother for you, heh.”
They strolled side by side in a comfortable quietness for a while, until Audrey finally broke it.
“So, what’re you gonna do about your mom? I mean, you didn’t really rekindle anything with her in the end.” Laura entwined both their hands as they looked up at the light gray sky.
“I guess I’m gonna have to try and let go. She may be my mother, but that whole ‘blood is thicker than waters’ crap obviously isn’t true. I guess if she doesn’t give a s*** about me, why should I care about her?”
Audrey halted the two suddenly, put her arms around her girlfriend’s waist and leaned in to press a kiss to Laura’s soft lips.
“Y’know Laura, I think you might be onto something there.”
The two girls laughed, Audrey filled with adoration and pride for Laura, and Laura filled with appreciation and love for Audrey. They continued their journey back home to their apartment, with their hands interlocked for the rest of the remaining blocks.