I was just like any other boy in the seventh grade. I was nerdy and hoping to get straight A's for the rest of my life to get into a nice college and become a successful businessman. I was shorter than all of the girls in my grade and didn’t plan on dating them anytime soon. I strayed the halls with my binder close to my chest and ducked between gossip groups and fist fights about to break out. I laid low and didn’t try to stand out in any way. I wasn’t too rowdy but I wasn’t the quiet one either. I was just important enough that no one really paid any attention to me, and I liked it that way.
Everything was going great that year until the end of the first semester. There was a new boy that moved in from South Africa named Troye. Seeing as he was from South Africa he had already attracted a bunch of attention to himself before he had even moved in. Every girl was talking about how he would be black and taller than them and have massive muscles. Some girls even hoped he had striking blue eyes like a beautiful husky dog. He created quite a riot with the boys too, seeing as he would make a great recruit to their sports teams. They were talking about how black people are naturally better at sports and fought over who got to have him on their team first. But he wasn’t quite what they expected.
The first day of the second semester arrived, and everyone was looking around for this new Troye boy. No one could seem to find him. They searched the bathrooms and locker rooms just to see if he was nervous and hiding, but they couldn’t seem to find him. I figured that he was just coming later that week, until he was introduced in my science class. I didn’t have a lab partner, as there was an uneven amount of people in class and I preferred to work alone. So as I began on the lab that day by myself the teacher called our attention to the front of the class. “Kids,” she grinned, “we have a new student in our class from South Africa.” The whole class started to mumble and I just sat there glancing around for a tall, black boy that looked out of place, but for some reason I couldn’t find one. Then, a boy walked in the door. The teacher motioned to him and said, “This is Troye Sivan.” He half smiled while he tucked his hands in his pockets with his shoulders shrugged. I smiled, because he was nothing like everyone had expected. Most strikingly, he was pasty white. It was almost as if he had never seen the sun. He has brown curly hair was cut short on the sides and longer on top. He had bright green eyes and light pink lips which added some color to his pale face. And last of all, he was a skinny twig. “Tyler,” the teacher said trying to get my attention.
“Yes?” I said not sure why she was calling on me.
“Would you be so kind to let Troye be your lab partner?”
I thought for a minute about not wanting to have to work with someone, but he was kind of…cute, like a puppy. My stomach tightened at the thought. I decided that I had to say yes. “Yeah, that would be great,” I could feel my face reddening. His half smile faded and he came and carefully slid into the seat next to mine. I started sweating. He didn’t say anything. We both just sat there listening to the teacher talk, which is what you should do at school. It didn’t seem right, though, since he was new and probably didn’t have very many friends. He seemed quiet so I decided that I should talk to him. I swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, so I just sat there choking on my own words. I must of looked quite strange just sitting there with my mouth open. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous.
He finally turned to me, giving me a weird look and asked, “Are you okay?”
I fumbled over my words, “Um... ya I’m great. Why do you ask.”
“Because you looked like you were choking on air.”
“Yeah,” I said sweating like crazy, “I do that sometimes.”
What are you doing? I thought to myself, Why are you fibbing to the new kid? And why are you sweating so bad?
“Well, thats nice to know for the future. Next time I won’t worry so much,” Troye said, still looking concerned.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled at him and kept on listening to the teacher. The rest of the class dragged on so long I just spaced out and didn’t say another word, I wanted to avoid embarrassing myself any more. Finally, the bell rang. I gathered together my books and binder and started out the door. Troye was right by my side. As we strolled out the door we started heading different directions. I quickly turned around and yelled, “Bye Troye! See you later!” He smiled at me confusedly and kept walking in the other direction. Why did you say that? You don’t have to say stuff to him. It’s not your responsibility, I thought.
The rest of the day was a blur. Nothing important or exciting happened and my mind couldn’t stop going back to Troye. When I got home I went up to my room and sat on my bed just replaying science class over in my head a million times. Why was it bothering me so much? I should of just brushed it off and moved on. Everyone makes stupid comments sometimes. I sat in my room thinking about it until it was dinner time, and my mom called me downstairs. I was so spaced out I didn’t even hear the first couple of times. Once I got downstairs I was still in a daze and my mom could tell. My parents were divorced and I had no siblings so it was just us eating dinner together. She gave me a concerned look and asked, “Are you okay?”
I stared at her for a moment debating on my answer until I finally responded, “No, I’m really not.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked concerned.
I told her the story of Troye and all the events that had happened that day. After I had finished talking she pondered for a minute nodding her head slightly, “I think you might like him.”
“Like a crush?” I asked sincerely confused.
“Ya,” she said surprisingly calm.
“Do you mean,” I paused, “I’m gay?”
“It’s definitely a possibility. You’ve never had much interest in girls.”
I stood there stunned. The only thing that I could think in my mind was the word, gay. It made sense, but I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t want to have to explain myself to my friends. But, I was gay and there was no denying the fact. That night I went to bed laying there wide awake. Trying to take everything in. Then I said it. I said it out loud. “I am gay.” I got chills all over but suddenly I felt the most comfortable I’ve ever felt. I felt like me. I had never felt like me before, and it felt great.