As he woke up, he smelled the remains of what was left from the night before-the smell of iron from his blood. He finally woke up completely and saw what he did the night before. He had cut himself. He barely remembered why, but he was disappointed. He was disappointed that his multiple attempts to end his life didn’t work. I am such a failure. Why am I even still here? Why couldn’t I have just died? Why can’t I do anything right? These are the thoughts that constantly ran through his sick head.
Little did anyone know, Kyle has depression. He has been this way since about four years ago, when he was 14. He also struggled with anorexia for the last 2 years. This is what was really killing him. He was 5 feet 9 inches tall, and weighed 110 pounds. He got up out of bed, and almost fell over because he hadn’t eaten in days. He slowly got dressed because he didn’t have the energy to do anything else. He walked out of his room, and slowly walked to the kitchen. He passed by his dad’s office, where his dad was quickly tapping away at the keyboard. His dad didn’t even say hello. What a surprise, another person who acts like I don’t exist.
He walks into the kitchen to find his mom playing music very loudly and cooking some breakfast.
“Kyle, would you like some breakfast?”  she asked politely.
“No thanks.” Kyle answered back “How was work last night?”
“It was ok. It’s the slow season, so it was not very busy. I might have to take a second job,” she answered.
“I’m sorry,” is all that Kyle could really muster, and he walked slowly back to his bedroom.
...
As Kyle was getting ready to leave for school, the destructive thoughts started to take over his mind again, like blood when it hits water. Why am I even still alive? I could end it all so quickly. It wouldn’t even hurt. I could just grab the gun from the drawer and do it. He started to subtly cry, and his mind gained control over him. I’m gonna ditch school, and go to the bridge over the old railroad, and I will finally be free. So he grabbed some paper and a pen and stuffed them into his bag.
“Bye Mom! See you tomorrow!” Kyle yelled, and then he realized that this was the last time that he was going to see his mom.
“Ok honey, see you tomorrow.” his mom said.
…
As Kyle left his house, he started to think if suicide really was the answer. Is killing myself really gonna do anything? I’m past the point of no return, and I can never be the person that I was before. I have to do this. I will finally be happy. Instead of going to the bus stop for school, he went to the nearest train station to get to the bridge. He pulled out his phone and headphones and blasted one of his favorite songs. He had always listened to this song because it made him feel better, but this time it was different. It made him feel sad. He started to reflect on all of the stuff that has happened in his life. When he came out as gay and his dad hated him for it. When he first skipped a meal because he thought he was fat. When he thought that no one in the world would care about his death. It all came onto him like a tidal wave. Kyle started to really cry, and this was the first time in a long time. Ever since his depression had gotten worse, he never cried anymore. All he did was stare out in space because not even crying could express the pain that he was feeling at that moment. Everyone was staring at him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because he knew that in a few hours, it would all be over. He stopped crying and heard that the stop for the Main Street Bridge was coming up. He quickly got up out of his seat and held on to the bars in the train. The train made a very abrupt stop, and he heard the brakes make a god awful squeal. His music was so loud that everyone around him could hear it. Why is everyone staring at me? Do they know what I’m gonna do? Kyle also had very bad anxiety. He hated when he was the center of attention. He started to hyperventilate, and it was the beginning of an anxiety attack. He couldn’t breathe anymore, his stomach started to churn. He felt like he wasn’t alive anymore. Oh my god. I’m gonna pass out. I’m can’t even stand up anymore. Kyle fell to the ground with a loud thump, and everyone around him rushed to help.
“Are you ok, sir?” a little old woman asked.
“Do you need help?” a very tall gentleman offered.
“No, I’m fine. I just got a little dizzy for second. Thank you for asking though.” Kyle said very out of breath.
“Ok, are you sure?” the woman asked.
“Yes, I’m positive,” Kyle retorted.
“Ok sir, have a nice day.” the woman said as she got off the train.
Kyle started to get off of the train as he heard someone call his name.
“Kyle! Hey Kyle!” a young man yelled. “What are you doing out of school dude?”
“Hey Jarod. I was just on my lunch and decided that I was gonna take the rest of the day off.” Kyle said nervously.
“Cool man! You should come and hang out with us.” the Jerod said enthusiastically.
“Nah man. I think I’m just gonna go home and relax. But thanks for offering.”
“No problem dude. Call me if you change your mind.”
“Alright, I will.”
Kyle started to walk up out of the train station, and he saw the bridge. It’s right there. I’m gonna do it. He walked up to the edge and realized that the street was way too crowded for him to do it now, so he had to wait until night. He started to explore some of the shops around the bridge, and he found one place that he really liked, so he stopped in and looked around for some new clothes. As he started to browse the manager walks over and said,
”Hey kid, aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
“No, we have a half day today, so my parents just called me in sick because we don’t even do anything on half days.” Kyle whispered because he was scared that he was going to get caught.
“Oh, ok, I’m sorry to bother you.” the manager said.
“It’s fine.” Kyle said.
Kyle walked out of the shop and walked towards the bridge again. It seemed so easy for him to just jump. I could just jump now. It is so easy. No one would even care. He stepped up on the ledge, and he looked down. It looked maybe a hundred feet down. He knew that if he jumped, it would definitely work. He looked around and he noticed that he gathered a huge crowd around him, and he stepped back down.
“Are you alright?” one woman asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just trying to get a good look of the city.” Kyle said.
“Ok, I just wanted to make sure that you were ok.” the young woman said.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Kyle said as he was holding back tears. He knew that he was not ok. He knew that what he was feeling and what he was doing is not normal. I’m a freak! No one would even care if I died. No one would even notice that I am gone. I’m just one person, and the world will still go on if I’m gone.
(Later that night)
Kyle walked up to the ledge on the bridge. As he stepped up on the ledge he felt a vibration in his pocket. He reached into his pocket and saw that his mom was calling him. He answered the phone.
“Hello?” Kyle said.
“Kyle, where are you? I’ve been worried sick,” his mom said.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be home soon,” Kyle said while on the verge of tears. He knew that this would be the last time that he would hear his mom’s voice.
“Ok honey. See you soon. I love you,” his mom said.
“Ok, Mom. Love you too,” Kyle said, this time he couldn’t hold back the tears. He started crying and he hung up the phone. He stepped back up on the ledge on the bridge, and he looked down at the train tracks below. I will finally be free. I will be happy. He stepped closer towards the edge, and looked down.  What about Mom? He stepped even closer toward the edge and he realized that his feet were halfway off the edge. She will be devastated, but I can’t live anymore. I can’t deal with all of this. The depression, anorexia, or the fact that I’m gay. I can’t do it anymore. His feet were almost all the way off of the edge. He wanted to finally be happy. He wanted to forget everything that happened. Then he fell forwards, and was finally free.