Why do you look at her so sweetly? Why do you have to embrace her with such love?  Were you so blind to see my feelings for you? Did you not see the almost desperate gazes I would give when you even mentioned her name? Was I not clear about my feeling? Was I not enough to capture your attention? All I wanted was to let you know how I feel, but I was too much of a coward to say those three little words. I was afraid that if I said those words you would hate me, look at me with disgust, or never speak to me again. I couldn’t risk the bond we had if it meant there was the smallest chance of you despising my existence, so I kept silent. I would watch you with those other women; you would always come to me to be your shoulder when you cried about how they treated you unfairly. They would take your heart and shatter it, crush it, and destroy it until you became a shell of your former self. I desperately wanted to tell you how I truly felt; how I wished you would hold me with love, stare at me with endearment. Sadly, my inner coward refused to let me even utter a sound; I, once again, kept silent.
Everything was the same, you would come to me and complain about your lack luster dates and how you wanted to find the perfect one; that was until you met her. I remember when Eric introduced you to her, you looked so awestruck. I remember you asking her out and how you came back from your dates with glee.
“She was so beautiful!” you said, “She was like the picture of perfection! I think she’s the one!”
You did it again. You broke my heart once again, but I still faked a smile.
“Now enough about me. What about you? Is there anyone who catches you eye?”
“Well...maybe...a little bit…”
“What!? Why did you never tell me? I’m your best friend!”
Little did you know, that’s exactly why I never told you. You were my best friend; you were so happy with her that I didn’t want to risk your happiness. The love you had with her was pure and genuine, but I was tempted to take a bite of the forbidden fruit.
“So who do you like?”
A million thoughts swarmed my mind but out of all of them I had to pick the stupidest one.
“It’s you. I like you.”
The silence was almost suffocating like I was drowning in an ocean and I couldn’t swim back up for air. Suddenly, your beautiful laughter filled the tense atmosphere.
“Don’t ever do that again, you punk! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
Why do you keep breaking my heart without knowing? That was supposed to my big confession but you played it off like it was a big joke. Were my true feelings that funny to you? Even after I was the most honest with you, you still were so oblivious. You continued on like the confession never happened, but that’s okay. I was glad you were still my friend and everyday I made a selfish prayer. That one day she would break your heart and you would come back to me. I made that prayer every day until you told me something sent my world crashing.
“I’m getting married” you were rejoiced, “and I want you to be a part of the ceremony!”
To this day, I still wondered why I foolishly accepted; maybe it was because I wanted to see you one last time before you slipped out of my grasp. Even after you told me the news, I still made the selfish prayer. I was so desperate for you that I almost forgot about your happiness.
When your wedding day finally came, I forgot about my selfish prayer. You were practically radiating joy when you saw your beautiful bride walk down the aisle. I almost wished she ran out the church doors but she made it to the end. You two shared your first kiss as husband and wife and joined as one. I had to leave; I had to get something to clear my thoughts. I left to the balcony and looked over the horizon. I was so high up that almost felt like an elegant bird. I wonder...could I fly like one? Could I spread my wings and be free from my cage? Will I finally be free from your torment? As I was about to try, you came out and stood by my side.
“Come back inside. I want to get a picture of the best day of my life. My wedding day with my wife and my best friend.”
You dragged me back and made me stand next to her. She wrapped her arm around your’s almost like she claiming you as her prize. She wrapped her arm around mine and as always I put on a plastic smile. The bright flash of the camera filled my eyes and tears started to fall. I lost it. I lost all of my chances to confess to you when I had so many.  To this very day I regret never telling you how much I love you and how much I care, but I know this is for the best. You’re much happier with her than you will ever be with me. Just understand that even if you never see me as a lover, I will never stop loving you and I will always help you no matter what.
  Your Best Friend,
    Jackson