I was fifteen at the time and every day I woke up I remember hating how I was still alive and not somewhere else where I didn’t have to live in the poverty I did. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. We found out I was diagnosed with a cardiovascular disease when I fainted, after a violent argument I had with my father. The doctors told me I needed a heart donor soon because my heart was too fragile and would collapse any second.

Two weeks past and I was deep into a dream where I was living a wealthy, beautiful life with my family when suddenly I was awoken by my mother’s tugs on my shirt. She had a delightful smile painted on her face, which was filled with an immense enthusiasm, as she stuttered trying to find the perfect words. Finally, she said, “the doctor called and said they found a heart donor so we have to be there immediately in order for them to proceed the surgery!! As we arrived at the hospital, I asked for my father. My mother responded “he is still at his second job and won’t be able to attend”. I looked down in disappointment, even though I lived my life pushing him away. After I got settled the anesthesia kicked in, and the last thing I heard was my mother whisper “I love you” delicately into my ear. When I woke up my mother was sleeping on the couch and immediately rose up when she heard the sound of my feet rubbing against the bed sheets as I stretched. When I looked into her eyes, I sensed something wasn’t right. “Is everything okay? I asked her. “The operation came out as planned and you’ll be out of here shortly” she said holding in her tears. I grabbed her hand and felt her trembling, so I demanded her to tell me what was wrong. She broke down into tears as she said, “There was a tragedy yesterday. When we thought your father was at work he was actually planning his death.” I froze in shock until tears took possession of me. I shouted out my father name, from the top of my lungs, and waited for a response. Why? Why would you take your life when I most needed you? I yanked out all the needles in me and tried to get off the bed, however all I achieved was collapsing to the floor. I didn’t have a reason to get back up so I just laid there crying my eyes out in hope of diminishing the pain. My mother got on her knees terrified, then started brushing my hair with her delicate hands. She then said “I was looking through your father's belongings and I found this box with your name on it.” I observed it carefully, until I finally took a hold of it. Inside there was a brand new cell phone, shoes, clothes and most importantly a note that read, “Dear Sarah, I know how you wanted to fit in with the kids in your school and I’m very sorry I wasn’t able to give you everything you wished. But I got another job and sold many of our personal belongings in order to save up enough money and buy you the things you wanted. All I desired was to make you as happy as you once were when you were a little girl. I miss that Sarah. But despite everything I love you more and more every day. And most importantly, I know you are in need of a heart donor so I’ve come to give you mine, I don’t need it as much as you do. I want you to keep living your life because you have so much ahead of you. Just know I’ll be with you forever. From your beloved father.” By the end of the note, I ached in pain knowing that I made him suffer when he just wanted to please me. I placed the card on my chest as I laid back and remembered my selfish actions when I could’ve been demonstrating him my love. I realized all my mistakes when it was too late and now I have to live with the destructive memories forever. I can’t tell him I love him, hug him or hear any last words. I just wish I could go back in time and heal all the scars he has from my sharp, monstrous words. The sorrowful heart I carry within me beats, yet I don’t feel like I’m living. He is an outstanding, irreplaceable father and I was stupid enough to not value his existence when I had the chance.