Resentment and loneliness combined, is like a drug addiction all by itself. You become so a slave to it, that you don’t even realize that it is slowly poisoning you and destroying your life.
Charlie Wilson and Emma Smith were madly in love with each other. They were high school sweethearts and married each other as soon as they both graduated Abbeville High School (located in a small town in Louisiana) in 1976. Only four years after they graduated high school, they gave birth to their son Joseph. Only two years after that, they gave birth to me. A year after I was born, Charlie and Emma went out with a couple of friends and on their way back from a party they that got into a terrible car accident. Charlie, who was in the driver’s seat, suffered from minor injuries, but Emma died has soon has her bodied hit the front of the car, her body breaking through the glass has the car hit impact with the truck on the highway. I never got the chance to know my mother; I wish she hadn’t died that night maybe Charlie would’ve been happier. Maybe Joseph would’ve been a better person. From the one picture that I have of my mother, she seems like she was a lovely person. She had brown long hair, soft blue eyes, a perfect jawline, and a smile that could light up the darkness and sadness within you.
Charlie took the loss of his first and only love the hardest, he was drunk all the time. It was rare for my brother and me to see our father fully sober. When Charlie was in one of his dark moods, the type of dark where there is no light at all, no moon, no stars, the darkest of black, he would be abusive to Joseph; hit him, punch him sometimes Joseph wouldn’t even be doing anything at all. We could be sitting at the table eating dinner in total silence, and Charlie would randomly start choking or yelling at Joseph. Charlie would tell me things like you’re not pretty enough, at least we know you won’t be used for your looks in the future. Overall though, I think Charlie’s mean behavior affected Joseph the most. My brother and I were close when we were younger he was always protective over me, but has Joseph and I got older we grew even closer in a very bad way. He would do things to me… bad things, and say terrible things towards me, things that you weren’t supposed to say to your little sister. One of the main things that I hated about my brother, Joseph, was that he was completely perfect, at least that was how other people perceived him to be. I was the only one that knew the truth. He was academically gifted, handsome, and in high school he was quarterback of the football team. People envied him, want to be him and wanted his life if only they knew…I on the other hand, was more quiet and reserved. Constantly in my brothers shadow.
Joseph graduated and got a full scholarship to Standard University far away from home while I stayed in the pothole of a town, Abbeville, Louisiana. My jealously and hatred for Joseph grew as the years went by and his career took off. By 1989, Joseph was a millionaire who had a successful business centered on computers. He was married with his first child and had the nerve to name the baby after our late mother Emma. Around this time I became addicted to darkness, staying inside the house, and being alone. Sometimes I would forget to eat. Time passed by and some days I didn’t even know what day it was or even the month for that matter. I hated watching the television and seeing my deceitful brother’s face. I couldn’t understand how a person like him could be so prosperous in life after all the terrible things he did to me. Why wasn’t I happy? Why wasn’t I successful? Then it him me, a way for me to get out of the darkness was to kill the person that blew out the candle in the first place.