Twenty pounds of food. That is all I am capable of carrying. This is my choice and if I run out I will need to hunt or look for berries on the way. A canteen for water that is one pound is all I can bring for my thirst. Fortunately this isn't heavy at all. A two pound super fuzzy and warm blanket I got from Costco when I was a sophomore in high school. This blanket is more than just a fuzzy blanket that I use to keep me warm. This blanket keeps me emotionally stable as well. It has the scent of my house which comforts me when I’m scared. This blanket reminds me of my family and the unconditional love I have for them. This blanket is a necessity. A gun. A large gun weighing at approximately 5.9 pounds. This gun is scarier, larger and more intimidating than anything I have ever encountered. I do not wish to kill people with it, but I am being forced to carry it. “It’s for your own safety,” they said. “It’ll keep you alive”. Do I really want to live a life where I kill others so I can live? What makes my life more precious? Sure, I am young and still have the rest of my life ahead of me, but if we take age out of the picture, what makes me more worth saving than anyone else? The answer is nothing. But, I still have to carry this thing that can end a life of someone who was a daughter, a son, a wife, a husband, a sister, a brother, a mother, a father to someone. Why would I want to harm others for my life or for America? I’m sorry to say it, but we’re not as great everyone makes us out to be.

Four pictures. One of my family, one of my friends, one of my dream house, and one of a really cute baby. These Four pictures make me happy, which is sometimes rare to be while you’re in the middle of a war. These Four pictures remind me that there is something worth living for. If I die I will cause pain to my family. This will hurt me more than it’ll hurt them. I would be the cause for my mother’s grief, for worsening my father’s heart problems and for making my sisters depressed. This would make me more upset than the fact that I am actually dead. The picture of my friends brings back fun memories I had with them. All the times we did stupid things just for attention, and laughing until we almost peed ourselves and always being there for each other. The picture of my dream house keeps me motivated. After I’m done fighting, I can live in this peaceful and beautiful house with my dogs. I’ve been dreaming of a house like this one ever since I was a junior in high school, and the money I’m receiving from fighting should start me off nicely. A small but cozy craftsman house with an open porch and a pool in the backyard will be the place where I can relax with my family after this chaotic time in my life. A picture of a cute, chubby baby keeps me content. This baby reminds me that when I come out alive, I still have the opportunity to make a family of my own and adopt a baby or two from Africa. Before I was here, I was a NICU nurse, helping the tiny humans survive. Doing this made my heart warm and relaxed my mind. Since I can’t see these tiny humans, the only way for my mind to feel relaxed is by looking at this picture.

Hopefully, I won’t need to carry these things for much longer. Hopefully, I can make it back home to my family. Hopefully, I can see those tiny humans again. Hopefully, I won’t cause pain to my family. Hopefully, I survive. Hopefully, I can save myself while saving others.