My Moon My Stars | Teen Ink

My Moon My Stars

May 11, 2018
By drandonbiller BRONZE, Oswego, Illinois
drandonbiller BRONZE, Oswego, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

A long corridor extends in a seemingly endless display of fluorescent flights reflecting across metal lockers in a disorienting manner. It seems familiar but confusion still crosses my mind. One hundred unfinished thoughts create a chain mesh blocking any coherency.
      “Where…” I stammer over a droning hum that fills the room it seems.
      “Where am I?”
      “What?” a voice cuts through the frequency permeating throughout the halls, which are now busy though they seemed empty.
      “Were you even listening? I was telling you what you missed yesterday in algeb-”
      “Yeah I was, just… sorry can you tell me again?”
Her celestial figure crescent in shape leans against my locker, and she wears distress like rushed makeup as she stares in my direction.
“My locker… Oh, my locker! It's my locker!” I repeat mad as a hatter, the realization makes too much sense to me and I feel embarrassing coy to say another word.
“Are you feeling alright Daniel?” she says, “Do you really not know where you are?”
It all snaps back to me.
“Of course I know where I am Juno, how couldn't I? I'm in the company of an angel!” I say  smiling briefly.
“Is it happening again? I thinking you're psyching yourself or something, you're only 17 after all. There's just no way.” Juno continues to sputter off pistol shots of loaded questions no one has answers to.
  Before I can answer anything, I see a familiar face sifting through the clouds of faces.
“Daniel!” Garrett's voice is always recognizable, even the walls know who he is of all people.
“Hey Garrett! Come here, I've wanted to introduce you two for a while! Garrett, meet Juno.” I exclaim, pointing at what I quickly realized was them empty space she once lit up. How could she have even disappeared that fast?
“What do you mean Dan?” Garrett asked as he traced his feet across the ground. Confused, I thought about something my dad always told me as I lost interest in conversation. He always said to tell me “Be careful who you surround yourself with, the closest people to you are who you become like.”

“Your dad said I could come, but if its a bad time I can leave?” Garrett paced now and his steps were placed hard and thoughtfully. Why would it be a bad time to come to my locker, and why would he ask my father of all people? My father suffered from dementia, most likely he wouldn't have even known I was at school in the first place.
“Why are you asking him anything, he doesn't need that kind of stress right now to begin with. And where’d Juno go?” My head has always been full of questions and with little answers coming in, my patience is always tested. Garrett never had the answers I wanted so I hate when he visits me.
“Your dad has been very stressed lately I know, thats why I came when I could Dan. I really don't know who Juno is but I want you to try to focus for me”
“She’s the light of my life, that's who she is. She's the only one who has answers unlike you guys, you never help me and I'm tired of it!”
Dan paces faster and faster and it stirs my head further. I just want to know where she is, out of frustration I storm away, Garrett yelling my name he paces behind me. I walk faster, feeling confused as everything begins to fall into a blur, I become dizzy and aggravated
“no. No. No! Not again!”
I feel my legs begin to wobble and become weak underneath me, it feels as if my body weighs a million pounds and my vision goes blank. I feel my body go numb and my vision fades out.
For years yet mere seconds I am cascaded into nothingness, waiting for the door to the light...and I stare at the blankness surrounding me.
“A-ah!!!”
I wake up screaming, I jump and jerk violently. Checking my surroundings I sit up sternly and grab at the loose ruffled sheets of my bed. For the 5th time in the row I've experienced this trance-like state. Was it a dream? I could be in high school having dreams about the future too, the days just seem to mend together. When I look at the time that's passed, I'm continuously puzzled as to where it's all gone when it seemed in surplus for so much of my childhood. Now it's all just forming into one big blur. I can't seem to answer my own questions, they continue to echo back to my train of thought all too often, which the train definitely should have been faster than them.
I see a shining light coming from my window, i get up and approach it. I grab my curtain and pull it aside, i look out the window and see the moon which oddly looked familiar. Not because of it being the moon, but it oddly represented something i couldn't explain.
I stare at the moon for a decent amount of time, before hearing footsteps approach my door.
There's a knock at the door.
I walk to the door shakily
I open the door slowly as it loudly creeks and the sound waves bounce down the streets in front of my house.
In comes my eleven year old son Garrett.

“Dad..I can't sleep. And I heard you screaming, are you okay?”
“Yeah bud I'm okay, just go try and sleep. Make yourself some warm milk if that'll help. I love you.” Of course I had to say what I had to because I won't let anything happen to him, but even I don't know what’s happening to me at this point.
He smiles at me and I rub his head. He walks out and says goodnight back, and I walk over to my cell phone and dial my doctor.
“H-hello...Doctor Smith... I had another episode, I don't understand how but I was in high school, real as it could ever feel. It's way too hard to fake a present moment. I knew who everyone was but it felt so real. I still don't even know if it isn't real..I saw juno…”
Smith clears his voice.
“Daniel, Juno is dead you have to remember that. She died in the accident almost a year ago, your night terrors will become seemingly worse the more you think about it. Don't forget to continue medication usage now as if you've been using as prescribed, you will experience after effects by stopping.”
And with that he hangs up, I stare at my phone and begin to sob gently. I put my phone back on my nightstand, I go into my drawer and pull out the note I had written to my wife before she passed.
“My dearest Juno, my wife, my moon, my stars, I cannot stop dreaming of your beautiful face, the terrors get worse and worse every night you are gone. I visited you in the hospital today and doctor said your chances aren't looking too bright. But I will fight until I get you out of there until I bring you home. I love you.”
I lay back in bed and hold the note tightly, as I cry harder. I look over at my window and stare at the moon.
“Juno my moon, my love I will see you again someday…”

I walk with her outside, following her as slowly as she meanders across the the sky. The light of my life… always. The darkness around me slowly lightens as I look for her, she always wandered too fast for me anyway. I just need to look around for her somewhere, her light is always around. I look up to find her, and she looks off in the distance. Looking up I realize the light.
“Headlights.”

I feel this pressure in my chest from the rushing urgency, and a flash of white light. One more bright flash before I am brought back upon an operating table and finally feel the rush of breathing at least on my own again. I see bright lights and medical masks everywhere I look, the eyes behind them withholding patient fear.

I sit up briefly, and take a few moments in my own. The doctors tried as hard as they could to bring me back and you could feel the energy bouncing around in that room which left an intensity. Which is a plain mystery to me until they turn on a TV in the hospital room I assume I was usually retired to. The doctor turns on the T.V. and it's on the local news channel, showing an incident with a man running into oncoming traffic.
“I'm so sorry Juno, but your husband....  Daniel's gone.”


The author's comments:

I love the synchronicity of the universe and reflect som of that magic into my writing


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