Everyone has a one. This one is a person you share an incredible connection with. One that you’ll never forget. One that you love. It doesn’t mean you’ll marry them, it doesn’t mean you’ll ever even get together with them. But everyone has a one.

I guess I never really thought my one would get away.

I never really thought that dreams came true, but I also didn’t think nightmares did either, yet here I am.

It all started about two years ago when I first met him. He was so accepting. He made the choice to look past what others couldn’t. He became one of my closest friend because he had this ability to make me feel as pretty as my other friends. He made me feel like I was super model thin like they are. He made me feel like I could be who I was without wearing tight clothes or makeup. I could be both myself and friends with him.

I guess that’s how it seemed at least. For a while, we got closer, and I started to feel like we were becoming more than friends. We talked and talked all the time, and I just couldn’t get enough of his smile. I’d get lost in his eyes. I could make small talk with him for hours. I can still hear his laugh in the back of my head, haunting me forever.

The teenaged girl inside me took over. I guess I just jumped to conclusions too fast. I thought that we could be something. But I read into it. I was wrong.

I spent my last two years of high school in love with a boy I wasn’t even dating. I just couldn’t find the bravery to even talk about dating, mostly because I didn’t want to lose the connection we had then.

As graduation approached, I could feel time slipping away. The end was coming. As we parted to go our separate ways for college, we hugged. It was the very last day of high school, both of us crying, knowing nothing would be the same in college. I can still remember his arms around me, and I hold onto that moment to this day.

I tried to stay in touch with him. I tried so hard to regain that closeness we had, but our lives were separate now.

He moved on.

But I never could.

I saw him once back in Columbus, but I couldn’t find the courage to say hello.

Something told me he couldn’t either.

He’s dating one of those girls who has those perfect qualities: bleach blonde hair, bright white teeth, tan skin, thin. When I see photos of them, I wonder, did we even have anything?

And then I realize, if we did, why wouldn’t he answer my messages? My calls?

And then I look back at all my actions. My texts with no reply. My attempts to reach his friends. My calls. God, I must’ve seemed so desperate. Maybe this relationship was never really happening. I must’ve read into everything and made the whole thing up in my head.

But then what was that feeling I know we both had?

Or maybe it was just the feeling that I know I had.

I can never really say if there was truly anything happening between us. But what I do know is that for some reason, I always felt this incredibly strong connection to him. I just felt like he was the one. He was always the one. I know there is something about impulsive teenage love, but even after countless others, he is still the one.

But I was never his one.