When I Lost Him | Teen Ink

When I Lost Him

December 28, 2023
By elise-xy SILVER, Spring, Texas
elise-xy SILVER, Spring, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Jem will be coming home today.

Helena rose from the armchair. I need to make myself ready for him. An inward smile for herself. Oh, what’ll he think of all I've done to the house.


Something about this restless waiting for her husband’s return brought a massive wave of deja vu, overwhelming the simultaneous silence and utter chaos in Helena’s head. It was almost as if she had gone through this same ordeal a long time ago, an excitement to see Jem’s face again so intense that it imploded.


First the disorientation, then was nothing. Then warmth. And love.


Picture frames from their college days lined the vanity table. Loose raven curls cascaded around her shoulders, arm tightly gripping the handsome owner of those smiling green eyes. Eyes burdened by a hint of guardedness. 


That cafe along the Boston Harbor had shaped everything. She, an aspiring actress who had read too many scriptbooks; And he, studying to be a doctor. The high-backed chairs and fairy lights made the perfect ambiance, the espresso was brewed just right, but she knew even then that those weren’t the reasons she kept coming back. That reserved doctor-to-be who had given her his wrong coffee order one time is what she’s looking for. 


Times have been kind to me, she dabbles in her powder compact. Aside from the smiling lines and the weight gained after marriage, she was still the girl from the photos. Her skin still creamy, her generous bosom lifting firm, and her hips still swayable for attraction. 


And then, there was the moment. Winter snow drifting like sugar in the air, Jem had offered to pay for her order if she could tell him whether the red blemishes on her face were hives. 


“Miss, I’m studying to be a doctor. I could look at that for ya.” His green eyes had twinkled with mock seriousness, like minnows. Helena remembered how offended she was that she fumed about it for weeks. The acne on her period was not getting any prettier, so she resorted to wearing a scarf to cover herself. Looking back, he was just trying to make conversation for her attention.


After a speedy whirlwind of engagement, the aisle, and “I do”s, he had already left for his first tour as an army medic. Jem had always said that there was too much to do in this world, but he would always come home to me in the end. 


Wait. The clink echoed from the sudden drop of the brush. How many tours has he done now? Two?


Where’d he go after the deployment to Iraq? 

Before she could dwell for too long, the doorknob turned.

Jem. Rising, her arms outraised to embrace her long-departed husband. 


                                                                   --—


Moonlight settled over the unremarkable barhouse with the broken neon sign. Cheap drinks but gauzy conversations, boisterous music berating your ears and drowning out all that transpires within those walls.


Underneath the dim yellow hue, ice cubes clinked in the earthy whiskey. A pair of men, one salt-and-peppered nonchalantly turned to his younger companion.


“What hel’ you up?” 


“Trouble at work, pa.” The younger man scowled and turned away.


Eyebrows raised.


“Y’know that old lady from the asylum? The one wit’ ‘em problems.” 


A momentary silence. “Went to fetch her tray. Saw her all doll’d up, n’ some slippy dress. They say this happens every month, but my first time seein’.”


“N' they say she's still waiting for her husband. Fifty years! He was a veteran, a doctor y’see.” He waited for the shudder to subside. 


“Anyways, she jumped when she saw me and threw a mighty fit. You’d never believe an 80-year-old woman had that kind of strength! Had to call three in.”


The father scratched his temple and asked with mild sympathy, “Her old man lost in war?” That mutual reverence and empathy for other fellow nation-serving compatriots have stayed with him for a lifetime.


He watched his son draw a breath. 


“Nah,” He turned quietly towards his father, “Y’see, her temper wasn’t one you wanted to sleep next to.”


“They say the doc asked for a separation when he came home one time, n’ she flew into a mighty rage and shot him on the spot with the pistol in his holster.” 


The author's comments:

A reminder that even the most potent love can turn out to have the worst of consequences. Tragedy strikes like lightning. 

p.s. i really tried to cut the work down


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