I remember his muscular arms embracing me in a hug. I remember the feel of his warm, tough hands grasping mine every so often. I remember his cool breath sending warmth throughout my body. I remember him.
It’s been a year since his fatal accident. A year since his death. And every day I think about him, every day I venture into the past, I see him. His voice ringing through my ears, his hand reaching out to me, trying to grab me and hold me tight. But I’m too far away, too far away for his burning touch.
I look at the moon every night, seeing his accident play right in my eyes. Thinking that somehow, someway I could have stopped the accident. But what could I have done? Gotten myself killed?
I remember the last day I saw him, the morning of his death, a beautiful sunny day…

It was a bright, sunny day, the clouds all bubbly and cottony. There was a slight chill to the wind, informing that winter was on its way. I sat on my porch waiting for my ride, reading Pride and Prejudice. This book resembles my relationship with Noah, my best friend. The one I’m in love with. We were never friends in the beginning; he was always with the stuck up pricks and I was with the nerds (known as the freaks). But my best friend, Kayla, introduced him to me, and all of a sudden, we clicked. That’s how it started, with a friend and two individuals who belonged to each other.
If only he could figure it out.
I hear the sound of a near beep, a shiny red Volvo pulling into my slick driveway. I smile, putting my book in my bag, and stride over to Noah. He pushes the passenger car door open and I scoot inside. He smiles blissfully and immediately grabs my hand, his hand damp and icy for once.
“Why is your hand freezing cold?” I ask, his eyes staying attached to the road ahead of us.
He chuckles and says, “Well, hello to you too.” He looks at me, coming to a complete stop at a red light. I shrug, his moist hand sending a slight chill through my burning hot body.
“Hi” I blush a faint pink.
“I went swimming,” He murmurs, squeezing my hand. He runs his hand through his straight brown hair. I nod, letting him know I heard. If the world could freeze right now, leaving me perfectly content with Noah at my side, I would smile.
The light turns green and were on the move again.
People think Noah and I are dating. We always hold hands, whisper in class, and even meet in between classes. Were perfect for each other; we are each other’s other half. Kayla encourages me to ask him out, so Noah we’ll be all mine. If only it was that easy.
But what about his answer?
What if he says no?
“Is something wrong, Lily?” Noah asks, turning into the school. I don’t live that far from the school, a good walking distance. I shake my head, watching as Noah pulls into the school parking lot. I jump out of the car and grab Noah’s hand again. Even though it’s warm and rough, I think it’ll go cold and he’ll freeze.
I’m such an idiot.
“Why won’t you say something, Lil?” Noah complains, wanting to hear my beautiful, pure voice; that’s how he puts it. I shrug, my feet feeling weak as every step inches closer to school.
“I’m just thinking,” I whisper, knowing there is a grin plastered right on Noah’s face.
“What are you thinking about?” He urges on. He opens the door for me as we enter the closed-in area of a hallway. “Are you thinking about me?” I can see the smirk, playing at his lips, hoping—no, knowing—that I was thinking about him.
I blush a bright red. “No, I-I was not.” I murmur, averting my gaze. My curly blond hair covers my blushing face, while Noah tries to move it out of the way.
I stifle a laugh. “I-I have to go. The bell is about to ring,” I avert my gaze to peer into his ocean blue eyes, the eyes that whisked me away; took me off my feet.
His eyes become miserable, hating the sight of my hand leaving his. I head in the opposite direction as him, walking swiftly up the stairs and shuffle into my first block class before the bell rings
*****
I was sitting at the lunch table, Kayla eating her ham sandwich while doing her French homework. I bite into my fresh salad, waiting for Kayla to stop inhaling her food. She has always been a fast eater, never caring if a boy she likes is passing by and watching her stuff her face.
I think about all of the guys Kayla has turned down, just because they didn’t have a sparking personality to them. Most guys won’t even go near her. Even though Kayla has been dumped a lot of times, she still hangs on strong.
As if hearing her name, Kayla looks up, noticing my presence, and cheerfully smiles, closing her eyes for a split second. Then she goes back to work on her two day late homework.
I was about to say something when someone lightly blows on the back of my neck. I jump, dropping my fork. The hair on the back of my neck rises, sending piercing cold shivers down my spine. And before I have enough time to yell at the person, I notice it’s my brother, Alec.
“Alec!” I screech, hitting his arm hard enough to crack my index finger. I watch as Alec snickers, making Kayla laugh while eating her food. “Kayla!” She notices her mistake and gulps the food down, sinking lower in her seat as she quietly giggles. I groan softly, waiting for the air to clear. My heart is beating a mile a minute.
As the laughter quiets down, Alec breathes, “You shoulda’ seen ya face!” Then he pushes me against the table, a fierce bite of pain as the sharp end of the table hits my shoulder. I bolt from my seat, forcing his arms off of me, while catching the attention of many around us. My hands are tight fists, squeezing my palms until they turn white. My breath used to be smooth and calming, but now rigid and slick. My heart beating at an abnormal past.
All it takes is a quick smack. A smack right to the face.
But my heart is bigger than my inner thoughts.
I release my hands, my palms aching, my breath causing my eyes to roll around. I clutch the end of the table for balance, my breath turning into fast pants. Then all of a sudden, it’s a blur of people. Someone grabbing my brother by the arm and dragging him away, my brother laughing the whole time; Kayla slapping my face lightly, murmuring my name over and over.
Oh God. Oh God, I’m going to faint.
All of a sudden, I feel the burning slap hit my reddened cheek. I duck before Kayla can hit me again. I reach for her hand and yell her name, sending her chocolate brown eyes to look at me.
“Oh, Lily! I thought you were going to faint!” She wailed. I blew out a breath right into her face, her eyes closing tightly. “Lily, are you alright? I should’ve stopped him. I’m sorry.”
I smile walking past her, throwing my lunch out. That’s when I notice all the eyes and no Alec. I turn to Kayla, asking, “Where’s my brother?”
She bites her lip and rubs her shoulder, meaning one thing and one thing only. Noah. Noah took him.
“Where did Noah take him?” She points towards the left, right in between the Janitor’s closet and a locker pod. The boy’s bathroom. I groan.
You have got to be kidding me!
I saunter away from Kayla, away from the crowd of students, and walk—regretting my every step—into the boy’s bathroom.
The first thing I see is my brother pinned against the wall. The next thing is Noah, threatening to hurt him if he ever touches me again. I dart to Noah, grabbing his shoulder lightly and pulling his white-tee. At first Noah didn’t even feel my presence, but then he looks into my eyes and I watch as all the anger and frustration disappear replacing with happiness.
“Thank the lord your alright.” He mutters, releasing my brother. Alec scurries out of the bathroom. I giggle.
“I was never hurt. I was just…panicking.” I confirm. His breath equals out with mine, letting all the drama that just happened flow out. I touch his hand lightly, playing with his index finger until he chuckles.
I smile.
Just as the bell rings, Noah says, “Well, I’m glad you’re alright. If something ever happened to you, I would be…” He trails off, leading me out of the bathroom and through the crowded halls.
“Noah, I’m—” I stop before I regret saying something I shouldn’t have. Noah decides to say something.
“I’m sorry I was about to beat your brother to a pulp,” I stifle a laugh, my heart beating faster, my stomach filled with swirling warmth. I nod. I look at Noah, seeing his face all twisted in nervousness.
Right when I’m about to ask, Noah pulls me to the side, letting go of my sweaty hand. He asks, “Would you like to get away from drama for one night, Lil?” I avert my gaze. What could he be asking? “There’s this party tonight at Ian’s house. I was wondering if you would like to come…as my date.” My thoughts falter, and I hold my breath. A party? Noah’s inviting me to a party? As his date?
My mind is yelling, “No!”telling me I have homework and studying to do. But my heart denies that decision and suggests that I take it. So I answer, “I would love to.”
Noah’s expression changes, his once nervous smile turning ecstatic. He embraces me in a hug and squeezes me until my body goes numb. He lets go, whispering in my ear, “I’ll pick you up at eight.” Then all of a sudden he’s gone, blending in with the crowd.
After all these years, he finally asks me out.
What took him so long?