His face came closer and I knew what I wanted but couldn’t act on it. I sat there frozen as he moved closer, slowly waiting for my reaction. I didn’t move as his face was inches from mine, his light green eyes mesmerizing me. A lock of his shimmering dark brown hair was in his eyes. My OCD attitude told me to reach up and move it, but I was frozen in place. I gave in and closed my eyes as his soft lips touched mine. I almost lost it right then but kept myself composed waiting for him to stop. He carefully pulled away and judged my reaction. I still hadn’t moved and he looked puzzled. I wanted to smile at his cocked head and half smile but I couldn’t feel my muscles under my light skin.


“Was that ok?” Brad asked. I tried to reply but no noise would come out. My mouth hung open dumbly for a couple seconds before I closed it. He chuckled lightly under his breath, his wind chime voice filled my ears as he straightened back up. We were quiet for a long time. I was tracing his perfect face with my eyes when he started to get worried.


“Seriously Carter are you ok? You’re really pale.” I found my voice and replied shakily,


“Yea I’m fine.”


“Did I do that right?” His perfect voice made me spill my guts


“Yea it was amazing,” he laughed again. I like when I can make him laugh with just my usual dorkiness. I like the way his face lights up whenever he sees me, or when he can cry and not care and I can cry and he wont care. We were the “perfect couple”, but I didn’t want to be a stereotype. I wanted us to be the couple who didn’t get consumed in each other, who still had time for friends, who could last a couple days without seeing each other and be as excited to see each other every time we met. I was proud of us for not “starting young”. Even though most of my friends had had their first kiss before they were 16 like me. Who could sit in silence and not have to fill it with words. Though sometimes words were necessary.


“To tell or not to tell.” I said. This time I was able to speak without my voice cracking.


“I wont if you wont,” he leaned over and kissed me again. This time his lips left mine sooner. The feeling was just as amazing the second time. The way his pink lips fit to mine. His authority as if he had done this before, even though he hadn’t.


“Well, it settled then!” I tried to sound confident but I was still so nervous. My mind couldn’t wrap itself around the situation. I couldn’t comprehend all of the feelings I felt. I could only feel the most prominent feelings including, longing, excitement, and nervousness. We sat in silence. It was easy to be comfortable around Brad. “What about the newness?” I said mostly to myself.


“What?”


“Oh, sorry. It’s just something Nicole and I talked about a while ago. Just don’t worry about it”


“No I want to know.”

“Seriously Brad its not important.”

“If you were thinking about it it’s important.” Dang! He played the sweet make me feel super important card.

“Fine…” I said letting my shoulder sag and trying to sound as exasperated as possible. He laughed again, the clear ring filling the silence. I tried to compose myself before I yet again spilled out my true thoughts.

“In 7th grade when Stacie started going out with Jesse and Catlin started going out with Ben, Nicole and I were on Facebook and started talking. Mostly it was about how we felt kind of… hmm jealous and left out. She told me “we couldn’t get lost in the newness of it all”. We told each other that when it came around, it being our own newness, we wouldn’t get lost in it an still have time for everyone else in our life.” I finished in a rush of air as I carefully judged his reaction.

“That is the sweetest thing ever!” My face blushed as he gave me a hug and I breathed in his masculine yet flowery scent. “The newness hasn’t taken you yet has it?” He said with a smile in his voice.

“No, you?” I suddenly became wary as he waited to answer, as I later realized he was just building tension.

“Nope and I’m proud of it!” We smiled. I let my smile fade as we left each other to our own thoughts. The little newness monster in my head screamed and gnashed its sharp teeth as it was finally vanished and I knew that it wouldn’t take either of us victim.