The blood from my veins dripped from my fingertips as I stood in the dark cold night crying. I stood on the steps in the front of Tristan’s house, my feet dirty and bare. I was wearing a white spring dress, now torn and covered in my own blood. I shivered with fear as I looked at my bare arms now covered in bruises and cuts. Tears ran down my face as fast as the blood that was draining from the veins in both my wrists. I was feeling lightheaded as I knocked on Tristan’s door, waiting for him to answer I leaned against the railing. He opened the door while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, once he saw me he looked down at my wrists; in horror he stepped toward the phone. I stumbled into the house after him dizzily; I fell in a bundle into Tristan’s arms. “Don’t call anyone, please Tristan. Please don’t call I’m fine, just-just don’t call.” I begged him; he sighed and rested his chin in my hair. Black dots splotched my vision until everything went black; Tristan was screaming my name as I went limp in his arms.


************************************

I held her limp body in my arms, panicking. She was still bleeding and she was a mess. Carefully I picked her up and placed her gently on the couch, that’s when my old brother Griffin walked in. He walked into the kitchen in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt grabbing a glass of water not even noticing me or Jenna. He turned around and jumped a little raising his hand to his chest before saying, “Whoa Tristan you scared me little bro.” he exclaimed, and then he saw Jenna. He looked from her to me and slowly shook his head. “Man you sure know how to get yourself in one big mess. What happened this time?” he asked but before I could answer he held his hands up and told me, “Never mind, I really don’t want to know.” Griffin retreated back to his bedroom to get some more shut eye. I looked back at Jenna concerned, she was still bleeding, her face was losing its’ color; I needed to stop the blood.



***********************************


I woke up on Tristan’s couch in the living room; it wasn’t dark since the lights were dimmed so I could make out Tristan’s face in front of me. I felt something cold and damp on my wrist; I looked down to see Tristan cleaning the blood from my wrist and hand with a wet cloth. I closed my eyes and leaned back my head throbbing. He softly brushed my forehead with the cloth and I tried to stifle my cry but Tristan heard it. “Jenna?” he asked, putting the cloth down and touching my face with his hand. I leaned into his warm palm and opened my eyes. Tears were running down Tristan’s face now and I felt a stab of sympathy. He kissed my forehead, grabbed the cloth from the floor and walked down the hallway. He came back with a first aid kit in his hand. He knelt down next to me and grabbed gauze from the first aid kit. “This is going to hurt, so try to hold still okay?” he asked. I nodded and prepared myself for the pain. He took my wrist and started wrapping it in the gauze; I bit my lip as tears overflowed my eyes blurring my vision. “I’m sorry.” He said moving to my other wrist. The tears fell down my cheeks and I didn’t try to fight them. Once he finished wrapping my other wrist he wiped a tear from my cheek. Tristan folded up the first aid kit and placed it on the kitchen counter. I glanced at the clock on the wall, it was 11:30pm; I yawned feeling totally drained. Tristan stood over me, “Do you think you can walk to my bedroom?” he asked. I nodded swinging my legs onto the floor and I pushed myself up. I put my hand to my forehead and fell backward, unbalanced. Tristan slipped his arm around my waist and grabbed my hand catching me. “Whoa, easy now I’ve got you, come on, I’ve got you.” He guided me down the hall to his room as I put most of my weight on him. We got to his room and he sat me down on his Queen sized bed. “We have to be very quiet, my parents are asleep.” He whispered closing the door to his room softly. He turned around and looked me up and down. “We have to get you out of that dress, it’s covered in blood.” he told me before rummaging through his drawers He pulled out a long black t-shirt that I assumed would be just above my knees in length. I put my head in my hands not knowing what to do. I heard Tristan cross the room and I picked up my head when I felt his hands rest on my knees. “Trust me Jenna, I’m not going to try anything, I promise.” he told me. I looked deep into his eyes and that’s when I knew I could trust him. “I trust you.” I whispered, totally drained.

“Okay.” he said standing up. He took my hand and carefully pulled me up from the bed. I placed my other hand on the headboard of the bed to balance myself. I Felt his hands on my back unzippering my dress; my breath caught in mu throat and my knees shook. “It’s okay Jenna trust me.” He whispered into my ear his breath hitting my cheek. I pulled my arms out of the straps of my dress as Tristan put the t-shirt over my head. I pushed my arms through the sleeves exhaling loudly. The dress dropped to my ankles as the hem of his t-shirt fell just above my knobby knees. I stepped out of the dress and sat down on his bed. Tristan took the dress in his hands and held it out in front of him, looking at the damage that had been done.

The dress was stained with blood and there was a tear in it, starting at the hem and going all the way up to the waist line. He looked back at me horrified, “What happened? Did you c- cut yourself?” he asked me sympathetically.

“I-I didn’t know what else to do...” I said as tears spilled from my eyes.

“Jenna why would you do that to yourself?” he asked hanging the dress on the back of his door and walking towards me. I put my knees to my chest and rested my head on my knees feeling ill. All I had to do was tell him what happened, but then what would happen? I know, we would go to the police and then they would see my wrists and send me to a mad house. I couldn’t let that happen, I just couldn’t. I sucked in a shaky breath knowing he was waiting for my answer. He sat down next to me and slipped his arm around my shoulders making me convulse into sobs. I needed his embrace, his comfort I needed it like it was my last supply of oxygen. I scooted back and lay down on his bed resting my head on one of the pillows. Tristan laid down facing me, a worried look in his deep blue eyes. “I’m scared…” I whispered, letting a tear run down my cheek and roll off my chin. He put his strong arms around me pulling me close to him. I nestled my face in the crook of his neck, he was warm. Pain rippled through me and I convulsed in Tristan’s arms. I clutched the collar of his t-shirt until my knuckles turned white. I tried to calm myself and I inhaled shallowly, he smelling like cologne and old books, I needed his touch, I ached for it, bad. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer to him. “It’s okay, I’m here, and everything is going to be okay.” he cooed.

“No it’s not…Tristan I- I was-“ I tried to tell him but a low knock on his bedroom door interrupted me.



********************************

I slipped out of bed to open my door. I was surprised to see my dad standing behind it, I didn’t think it would be polite to let him in, Jenna needed time. I glanced back at her; she was hugging the pillow tightly to her chest bawling into it. I didn’t want to leave her but my dad wanted to talk with me. I walked into the hallway and softly closed the door. My dad cleared his throat as we both stepped into the hallway. “How is she?” my dad asked jerking his head towards my bedroom door.

I sighed, “She’s, well, a mess, something happened to her tonight, I just don’t know what.” I trailed off not knowing what else to say. My dad harrumphed and put his heavy hand on my shoulder and saying. “She slit her wrists, huh?” I cleared my throat before answering. “Um, yeah she did….”


******************************************

Finally calmed down a bit I sat up and wiped my nose with my arm. I heard whispering coming from the hallway and I wanted to know who was out there and what they were saying. I carefully swung my legs out of the bed and I tiptoed unsteadily to the door. I heard a rough deep voice utter the words “She has something wrong in that head of hers, that girl.” The voice was not Tristan’s; it was the voice of his father. Hearing this, a new set of hot tears ran fast down my cheeks and into my mouth; tears like acid, like salt. I quickly opened the door and stumbled into the hallway. Tristan turned his head to look at me over his shoulder; I stared at both Tristan and his dad picking my brain for something to say to them. After a moment or two I found words. “I’m not crazy.” I said between shaky breaths. Then I began to consider the fact that Tristan’s father could be right which only made me sob harder. I heard Tristan take an unsure step towards me and I looked at him through my blurry tears. I saw as Tristan looked back at his dad who nodded his head and said something to Tristan about being a good man. Tristan’s father sighed and shuffled back through his bedroom door and into his bed. Tristan walked towards me and with a deep breath he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we trudged back into his room. I sat on the bed my back leaning against his headboard. Tristan sat across from me, inhaled deeply, and exhaled looking at me sympathetically. “Jenna, I need you to tell me why you cut yourself.” he said looking me in the eyes. I looked down and started to wring my hands. “It’s okay, take your time.” he told me softly, he extended his hands toward me and I grasped them tightly. As my stomach twisted into knots I took a deep breath, then another, and then one more. “I. Was. Raped.” I barely got the words out of my mouth before convulsing into sobs. Tristan crawled up next to me and wrapped me tightly in his arms. He let me go, took his shirt off and pulled back the covers so we could get under them. He opened his arms for me and I pressed my wet face into his chest as the realization hit me like crashing waves, over and over again.