Paranoia. Definition? A thought process heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. They should probably include in that definition that girlfriends are likely to catch a serious case of it or maybe it’s just me. Being in a high school relationship is a lot more serious than most adults think. It can eat you alive if you’re not careful (hypothetically speaking of course).
He was my first love; together for all of junior high and somewhat of freshman year. We both knew that our relationship probably wouldn’t make it through the first year of high school that was just too much change. But freshman year wasn’t the only change, you see, a new girl came to our school that year also and she was everything I wasn’t; crazy, fun, exciting, brutally honest. And since I’m telling the truth she wasn’t that bad looking either. She wanted him, but he was mine so I wasn’t a very big fan of hers. Eventually she drove us apart and things kept getting worse from there. They were always, always, ALWAYS together. It was like I had never even existed.
So, freshman year when by with a heart full of tears and a hand full of tissues. Just as I thought nothing would ever get better, and I would never get over my first love, a boy came along. He was very tall and dark and handsome. Someone you would expect to be your knight in shining armor but I didn’t think of him that way at all… at first. He continued to try to sweep me off my feet all summer before sophomore year and finally, a few days after school started again, I let him. It was so great to be in love again and he seemed like he would never in a million years hurt me like I’d been hurt before. So a few weeks after school started I again let him do something else he wanted.
It wasn’t the way I’d pictured it, watching Nanny Diaries on his grandma’s couch while she’d left to get something from wal-mart. I’d also pictured that the person and myself would both be virgins before the big show happened but that wasn’t the case either. I was the only newbie lying on that couch. But after it was over he complimented me on everything like how beautiful I was and how good I was. Those compliments made me feel like I’d done the right thing, but deep down I knew it wasn’t really supposed to happen that way, it was supposed to be with my first and only true love.
But for six months my knight kept me by his side and soon I realized his armor wasn’t so shiny and his dark hair had some red in it and his handsome figure wasn’t actually that handsome at all. He broke up with me because after I’d given him everything he decided he wasn’t really sure I was the one. I cried and cried because I knew that it was going to happen but it was just so depressing because he was mean, so mean, to me after he ditched me and I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong.
So I found myself back in the same position I was a year ago. Sad and alone and I tried and tried to get over yet another boy.
Talked to a few other boys, but my ex-knight kept coming back. He told me lies about how he still loved me but once the night was over so was all his renewed love and after months of him playing with my heart, someone finally convinced me that I deserved much better.
I doubt you could even guess who this person that convinced me was. It was the very last person on Earth I thought would ever care about me and if you guessed it then I’m obviously more predictable than I thought but it was him; my first love. He found me crying one day and let me cry on his shoulder.
After that I started tutoring him in Algebra II. My guard was still up and so was his but slowly our walls came down. Soon school was over and we spent every day of summer together. The first time we kissed again was the most exciting moment of my life. A month after that first kiss we were back together. He was scared and I can’t say I wasn’t either but I was definitely excited.
Ever since that day we’ve been together. True love will always find its way I suppose.