So here's my story, my boyfriend died in a car crash. Happens every day right? Well it’s a little different when it happens to you. It's like when you’re little and you go too far into the ocean and the waves feel like a snow plow pushing you backwards. That’s what the grief feels like, that’s what nobody tells you. Or when you want so badly to comfort his mother but there are no words and you felt completely helpless. Nobody tells you that, nobody tells you the hard stuff about like. So that’s my story, a small tiny part of it. The beginning is with Will. That is when my life officially started. Because he gave me feelings I had never had before. But not at first, at first he was just a boy.
Will had always loved me or so he said. I sold him a snow cone, sun burnt and makeup less. Not to mention the horrid neon orange visor and company shirt all employees of the "Frozen Shoppe" were forced to wear. But don’t think we feel in love instantly and skipped into the sunset with background music. Will simply took his strawberry snow cone and went on with his life. After that be became a regular. Always arriving at exactly 3:20 and always ordering the same thing. He never stopped to chat but he always gave me the cutest grin. Now I never admitted this to him, but it bothered the heck out of me that I didn’t know him. The reason for this? Simply spoken, he was hot. He had blond hair that constantly fell into his ice blue eyes. He was sort of scrawny looking but had a little muscle stuck to his bones. His normal attire was simple shorts, flip-flops and a t-shirt. He had white creamy skin that belonged on television, and in my world he was perfect. But I had no idea who he was and his simple grace stunned me. Or maybe it was the fact that he looked at me as if he knew more about me than I knew about myself. But needless to say the summer ended and so did my snow-cone selling days.
On the first day of school I drove myself and managed not to hit anyone which was a good start. As I walked toward the building and toward my sophomore year of high school I was a little nervous. Not like vomit on your shoes nervous just like you don’t know what will happen next kind of nervous. When I walked in the first thing I saw was the same blond haired boy leaning up against the wall. I was amazed for a second then confused. He didn’t seem like he belonged in this teacher filled, white bricked hallway atmosphere. Then he gave me a dazzling smile and said, "Hey snow cone girl." And those were the first words I ever heard him say that did not pertain to frozen drinks. (Well actually he once asked me for the time but for the romances of the story were going to say he didn’t.) Walking toward me I felt awkward as I said, "Hey" and let the sentence trail into an unnatural pause. Should I call him snow cone boy? He smiled and said, "Well bye." I instantly said, “Wait, where are you going?" Because I felt like I couldn’t let him go without some kind of explanation. He turned around to face me and said, "Oh skipping, first day are all just rubrics and get to know you crap from teachers anyways, worthless I say." I tried to play it cool as I said, "Oh yeah I know right." He gave me that all knowing smile and leaned in a little. He said, “Yeah right well see you later.” I smiled and watched him walk out into the parking lot. Then a shrill bell rang and I rushed through my first day in a complete daze. And that I believe is one of the first signs of love, being able but put somebody in a complete daze because of a one second conversation, its pretty powerful I think.
That was one of the only times I talked to him in my first couple months of school. We would see each other in the halls and he would say things like, “Looking good snow cone girl” or just a simple “Hey”. To tell you the truth I didn’t honestly think about him all that much. My life was great, cute clothes, cool friends, good grades, and a few short relationships. I was content. Maybe Will loved me, maybe not. I did meet one boy I really liked though. He was 17 and named Bremen. He could kiss good and I looked good on his arm. We made the “cute couple” but after the first few dates I still didn’t know all that much about him. I was not thinking about that when he called to say he had to work one Friday night (he held a job at the local grocery store.) so I decided to go to our high school’s football game. When he showed up at half time I was generally excited. When he suggested that I go with him to get a CD from his truck I quickly followed, I was crushing pretty major on this guy. So hand in hand we walked to the far side of the parking lot. Bremen assured me that it was only because there were no parking spaces big enough for his truck close to the stadium. I can still remember every moment, the dry fall air, the bright white moon watching our every move, the distant sound of the marching band. I remember Bremen dropping his tailgate and lifting me up, soon he was on top of me and his lips moved to my neck. I gasped for air as I felt his hands all over me. As they moved to the top button of my shorts my voice came out in an almost whisper as I said, “No.” Then getting a little louder and a little more urgent I repeated myself. He stopped for a second looked into my eyes and almost growled, “Yes”. Trying to push him off of me I looked into his eyes and I could tell he could see my fear. He had become a hunter and could smell the quick fresh weak kill mixed with my coconut body spray. It was written all over my face and I knew it. That was when I heard a deep voice full of definition say, “She said no man.”
I sat up to see nothing other than blue eyes and blond hair, it was Will. As I was mentally thanking god I noticed how truly pissed Bremen looked. But at this point I did not care. I untangled my legs straightened my clothes and jumped right out of the back of that boys truck. He looked at me with complete outrage and said, “Wait baby where are you going?” I smiled and said, “Going to watch a football game, goodbye.” And started to walk toward the stadium. He started to make up another attempt of apology but I cut him off with, “Oh and don’t ever try to talk to me ever again.” I heard Bremen yelling at Will then footsteps falling in sync with mine. I looked up to see Will he asked, “You okay?” in an honest kind of way. I looked up at him and said, “Yeah I guess.” He looked up at me and said, “You’re lying.” I stopped walking and said, “What do you know, you don’t even know my name for god’s sake!” He kept the same level of expression and said, “Yeah I do its Haley.” I looked up at him for a second and was about to make another smart remark when I burst into tears. Just a sudden sobbing came over me. Now I’m not one for crying but I guess high school and guys can change a girl. All I know is that a random boy who wasn’t so random anymore grabbed me into a hug, and just held me. And guess what it felt nice. Then he whispered, “My names Will by the way.” I sniffled and said, “I miss serving you snow cones.” He laughed and said, “I miss that too.” Pulling me arms length away he looked me over. He wiped away a tear with his index finger and smoothed out my hair. Smiling he said, “You want to go back to the game?” I replied with “Sure” and we walked back together. But for the rest of the night he wouldn’t leave my side, we didn’t talk much. It was almost as if he was my watchdog. My friends would raise their eyebrows in question of who this boy was but I would just shrug. At the end of the night it seemed like to pained him to see me leave, but truthfully I was in shock.
Monday rolled around and when I saw him I gave him a little smile and he returned it with a big grin. Later that day as I was walking to lunch I saw a gathering of people in the hallway shouting and jumping around like compete idiots. My friends and I quickly joined to see the fight. I pushed my way through the people so I could get as close to the action as possible. But as soon as I saw who was in this ring of people my stomach dropped. Bremen was standing with a busted lip and Will was trying to stand. Bremen yelled, “It was none of your dang business.” Will stood and flew across the short space aiming for Bremen’s neck. This time he had been transferred into the hunter, protecting me, frightening and graceful. Will yelled back, “You should have kept your hands off of her! She’s more than that!” Then Bremen was down and Will was on top of him, throwing punches. Without thinking I threw myself on top of Will and screamed for him to stop, over and over, until that was all that was going through my head. Then I heard a voice of authority and was pulled back by the waist by a tall man that I recognized from school administration. The remaining kids quickly scattered and the teachers led us down the hall toward a white walled office that I had never been in before. I sat across from the boys in a comfortable blue chair. No one spoke, no one made eye contact. My stomach felt as if it had fallen out and was flipping around like a fish on the floor. After a few minutes a frizzy haired middle aged lady led me into a small office. I sat across from a big man, Mr. Roberts, our principal. He told me I wasn’t in trouble I just needed to tell him what happened, questioning it was necessary. Now I paused for a second because I knew I had two choices, to tell the truth about Bremen or to cover for him. So I told him I walked up and Will and Bremen were fighting. His eyebrows pushed together and he asked if I knew why. Then I looked straight into his muddy brown eyes and said, “No sir, I have no idea.” His eyebrows crinkled some more and he said, “Okay then you are free to go to lunch then.” I stood walked out his door and marched right past the two boys who were the reason for all of this.
I was almost to the hall when I heard my name. I turned around to see Will standing. He walked toward me, leaned down real slow and softly pressed his lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes and for and instant forgot the whole mess we were in and anything that had ever happened. Then he pulled back, and I turned around and walked away to lunch. Now sometimes if I sit real still and clear my mind I can feel the fire that his lips ignited on my forehead.
That Monday turned into Tuesday and Tuesday into Wednesday and so on and so forth. That was how the week passed, slow and long, never seeing either of the boys who seemed to capture my attention. Rumors went around about me but I didn’t even have the energy to care. All my energy was being used to think about Will and what should happen next. On Saturday my mom and I went to our local Wal-Mart. At the front of the store we split up to conquer our grocery list. While shopping I had the strange sensation that someone was watching me. I looked up to once again see Will. It seemed like he was always showing up in my life now days. Without thinking I threw my arms around him, and that was the first moment I realized I was attracted to this boy. He just held me for a moment then I ruined it by flooding him with questions starting with, “Why did you fight him Will?” and “When are you coming back to school?” He put a finger over my mouth to silence me and I smiled. He returned my smile and said, “Because he’s a loser and Monday now shh let me have one question then I will answer whatever you want.” I gave him a confused look and he continued with, “Hailey, will you go on a date with me?” I wish I knew my facile expression after this one because truthfully I could not wrap my head around it. Like on the first day of school he just didn’t seem to fit into that date atmosphere. He looked very worried for a second until I smiled and gave him a very simple, “yes.” Then he broke out into my favorite grin, picked me up and spun me around. While we were twirling in our own little world of joy I heard a trought clearing and turned around to see my mother.
I said, “hey mom…” she gave me a dirty look then gave will a dirtier one. I looked up and said, “Mom this is Will. “ He leaned forward to shake her hand and said very nice to meet you ma’am. She just stared at his hand so he let it drop to his side. With most people this would be life scarring awkwardness. But will wasn’t even phased. I swear he could be in his underwear meeting my mother and it still wouldn’t be weird for him. He then wrapped his arm around my waist and said, “Ma’am I would like your permission to take your daughter on a date tonight.” She looked him up and down and finally said, “Humph I guess if her dad agrees.” We hugged then left.
Of course my dad treated him like something that’s found on the bottom of a fish tank but will took it. Our first date we decided to go to the only fancy restraunt in our town. After both of us ordering water he leaned across the table and said, “Well I am going to have to admit I have no freaking idea what langue this menu is in much less what to order.” I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle my giggles and said, “I’m pretty sure it’s French but past that I have noooo idea.” So he wrapped his arm around my waist and leads me out of the restaurant into his car and down the street to the first restaurant we saw which was a Wendy’s. That was how we worked; we didn’t need to go to some expensive restraunt. Me and will could just sit and talk. We flowed together, just to kids, but it was extraordinary.
After that Will became my boyfriend, we went steady whatever you want to call it we were together. We shared our first kiss on second date; he was pretty good at that too. He would help me in school and call me his princess. He said it was important that he gave me everything that a picture perfect relationship had. But normally it would get screwed up and we would laugh about it later. Like when the fair came to town he insisted we ride the ferries wheel and kiss at the top. Trying to be the tough guy he didn’t tell me that he was afraid of heights until we got to the top and he almost threw up. Then he felt so bad that he wouldn’t stop apologizing until I had to kiss him just to get him to shut up. Or when he pulled me out into the rain to kiss like they do in the movies. Afterwards we laid around eating soup together because we both caught the flu. But life passed, prom came and went, as did exams and the last day of school.
I watched will walk across the stage at graduation I felt my heart breaking into a thousand little pieces. I greeted him after I could feel the fakeness in my smile. He grabbed me into his arms and whispered “I love you” into my ear. After that there was and eerie awkwardness that set in over our relationship. I didn’t understand it and no longer knew how to act. I didn’t think will knew either which confused me father because Will was always the leader in our relationship pulling me headfirst into the unknown. So a few days after graduation we were sitting on his couch watching a movie. He instantly sat up like a bullet and said, “Dang it Haley tell me what you need.” I said, “What are you talking about?” even thought I already knew. He looked me in the eye and said, “Haley you have two years left and you know I’m already enrolled in Harvard university and I just don’t know what you want me to do!” looking away I said, “ I have no idea I figured you would have a plan or something.” he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Then all of a sudden he hit the wall and I jumped. He said, “Haley I need you, I love you, but this college is three hours away are you willing to try to make this work?” I looked at him and said, “I don’t know Will, I need, I need time, let me think.” Trying to hold back my tears I got up and left. That was the first time he ever didn’t chase after me.
That was a month before my birthday. I went back to working at the ice-cream shop. But it wasn’t the same without my favorite costumer. Without that smile my days dragged. He called once I just sat and watched it ring. His voicemail was saved onto my phone for months. It said, “Haley I know you said you needed time, but I miss you baby. We can work this out I know it. Please, please just call me.” I didn’t know where we stood so when guys approached me and my friends I just sat in silence. Not that I really wanted any other guy. July 5th was my birthday, 16 years old. I went to work like everyday but it was slow. People must be out of town for the holidays I thought. I figured my friends were throwing me some surprise party I didn’t really want because they had been acting way to weird lately. At 3:25 the bell on the door rang. I looked up from my seventeen magazine to see Will. Like all the other times he just appeared in my life I felt absolute joy. Since I wasn’t talking he said, “Um may I have one large strawberry snow cone please, oh and sorry I am late.” He gave me a smile, I fixed his snow cone. “Here you go sir that will be $3.25.” He handed me the money I didn’t let our hands touch in fear that skin on skin contact would spin my mind over board and I would fly across the table and do extremely embarrassing things. He said, “Haley may I speak to you for a moment please?’ I walked out and he led me to a table. He pulled out my chair and I sat across from him. He took my hand in his and my stomach did a flip-flop. He said, “Haley I have some great news, its fantastic really, I got transferred it took a lot of begging and a little extra money but I’m going to the local teanical college princess! Right here by you.” I bit my lip and tried not to cry as I said, “Are you serious? But the big university Will it’s your dream. You worked so hard to get in I can’t take that away from you.” he smiled at me like I was a young child as he stroked my face. Then he said, “You don’t get it do you Haley? You are my biggest dream, you are my life. I loved you. I always have since the day I meet you all sun burnt and in that silly visor. I couldn’t stand leavening you behind for stupid guys like Bremen. You are my dream silly girl, and school is nothing compared to that.” I flew across the table and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. After a few minuets of that he broke away to say, “Since you are supposed to be working I should probably leave. I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. But I will call you later okay?” I smiled as he stroked my face and kissed my forehead and said, “I love you birthday girl” and walked out.
Not five minuets later a middle aged woman would run a stop light and hit him. Oh how I hoped he was listening to music or something so he didn’t have to see it coming, oh how I hoped he didn’t suffer. But he would be in the hospital for a few ours and I would wonder why he didn’t call. He would die and I would cry. That chapter of my life would be closed. Most we say that we were young so we wouldn’t have lasted anyways. Burt I know that isn’t true. Will and I had something. More than something we had a lot. But don’t worry I married a man, his name was Adam. He was an accountant who was dull and nothing like Will. He didn’t like strawberry snow cones. He loved me I guess that counted for something. But we had one child, a few years after we were married. He was a baby boy who looked nothing like either of his dark haired dark eyed parents. He was sort of scrawny had blue eyes and blond hair, he was beautiful. And that was when my story started all over again.