Chapter two


The Smiley



Screams, Shouts, tears, blood, blackness, numbness, flashing lights, hospital, and nut house. These are the usual thoughts that run through my mind. What happened that night, how I was saved, unwillingly. It aggravates me, that I was saved. I obviously didn’t want to be or I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.
After “quite time” every one goes back to the common area for dinner. I grab Katrina on my way there, Carson is dragging Keggan by the hand behind her and Terrance is just getting out of his room. The food here is disgusting, but if you don’t eat they’ll make you. Therefore, we have no choice but to do so. After awhile you can just block out the taste, I have yet to master that.
One of the other joys we have at dinner is meds. Everyone has there own concoction. Accept for one little pill, we call it The Smile. It’s this round bright yellow ball that someone thought would be funny to put a happy face on. Plus, it makes you super relaxed, you get this really goofy smile when you first start taking it. Thus the name.
We can all tell it’s Terrance’s first time on The Smiley. About an hour after meds, he has the goofy grin on. I don’t take my meds. I hide them; I don’t like what they do to me. When I stopped taking The Smiley, I had such a bad crash. It was what I imagine when people say hitting rock bottom. And I was only on them for a week before I stopped. Katrina hates the little yellow ball but I make her take it because I don’t know what will happen if she doesn’t.
As eight o’clock rolls around, I go with Katrina to her room. Even though she’s in here she’s still just a little girl and needs to sleep. She changes into her nighty and lies in bed. I rub her back and sing to her so she can fall asleep, I do this every night. Like every night I stay a half hour after she falls asleep just in case she wakes up. During this time, I sketch. I’m allowed to have a sketchpad and to draw as long as it is nothing negative. I usually draw Katrina.
When there’s a knock on Katrina’s door frame I spin around, it’s Terrance. “Why are you in here?” he asks me. “You know you’re very nosy.” I say turning back to my sketch. Drawing Katrina’s gentle curls. He’s still standing there, I can feel the air shift that how I know. Picking up my pencil and pad I walk out of the room. Having to nudge Terrance so he’ll move and I can shut her door. “Shhhh. She’s sleeping.” I tell him and walk out to the common room.
I sit on the couch and pull back out my sketchpad. He sits next to me “Are you stalking me?” I say not looking up. “No just observing.” I look at him with an odd look. “You are weird.” “I do my best.” He says flashing a smile. I can’t help but think about drawing him. “Sit still.” I say turning to a new page. “Why?” He says with skepticism. “Because I’m drawing you know stop talking.” He stops and I move my pencil smoothly along the paper looking up occasionally and finding him staring at me. When I ketch him he quickly looks away.
When I think I’m done I look at the paper my eyebrows squinting together. “What’s wrong? And why don’t I have eyes?” He asked. “That’s what’s wrong I can’t draw them because I cant see them.” “Oh I see.” “Okay wait sit still.” Reaching up I move his hair out of the way. Without meaning to, I say, “you have really pretty eyes.” “Thanks.” I couldn’t lie they were more then pretty they were gorgeous. They were a deep blue almost violet color.
Finally finishing I smile at my work, not half bad. “Let me see.” Terrance says taking my sketchpad. He looks at it with seriousness then flips through the rest of them. “These are really good.” I take back my Sketchpad and say “There just doodles.” Then I look up and ketch him staring at me again. Why does he keep doing that? Annoyed I say “Why are you looking at me like that?” His answer “You intrigue me.” It takes me back a little, his forwardness. “oh.” I say a little embarrassed for being snappy.
We sat in silence until he broke it. “I saw what you were doing in Katrina’s room earlier. Why do you do that?” “She’s a little girl that has problems, she needs someone to look after her.” “And that someone’s you.” “Yes.” I answer flatly “She reminds me on my little sister.” I continue. “Oh. That’s sweet.” Then it’s silence again.
After sitting there for an hour just watching TV. I decide to go to bed. I get up and walk away, out of habit I say “good night”. Terrance probably didn’t hear me but then very quietly I hear him say “Sweet dreams Riley.” I get back to my room, think how every night I say good night, and know one has ever answered until tonight. And with that I fall into a deep dreamless slumber.