Everyday not a minute passes by when you're on my mind. Foolishly I always wonder if you ever think of me. Every time I see you I wear a mask. A one where I'm always smiling and where nothing matters. But behind the mask I am breaking. You do not look at me the same way any more and for that my heart feels like it's going to break, my chest gets tight and it's hard to breath.
They say it's like that when you're in love with someone but they are wrong. When you're in love with someone you smile when you think about them, you feel like your heart is glowing and that nothing matters in the world apart from them.
When we talk it's like we're friends.. but even then you're trying to distance yourself. Why? You had promised me you wouldn't hurt me. That you wouldn't leave me!.. So why?... Why are you trying to run from me? Am I not that important anymore? Am I not that good enough? I know I'm not special or pretty. I'm not exactly the smartest person and I know I'm not social... What made you love me in the first place?
The sad thing is there is one thing you know. You know my feelings. You know I love you. For that am I a fool? You told me once that you weren't good enough for me and that I deserved someone better. But don't you realise that you are that someone better for me? That you are good enough for me? You mean everything to me.. and you don't even realise it.
I may seem a fool to everyone but I won't stop loving you. But I fear that my feelings for you will disappear and I'll be alone again. Unlike everyone else you made me smile, laugh.. you made me look forward to living.
I'm so confused and lost. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I'm lost inside a maze in my mind and it feels like you're dropping bread crumbs and watching me get lost even more. I just want to find a way out of the maze so I know what to think and what to do. I want to live in the past because there are amazing memories there and people are telling me to move on and find someone else. But I can't... because no one accepted me as much as you did. For the first time I felt normal and not some freak people loved to bully and mock...
I wish I had the courage to ask four words... "Do you love me?"