Stop.
If this could have worked, wouldn’t it have worked by now?
Don’t say anything else. I don’t want to hear it. If it was going to work, it would have by now. I’ve been waiting years for him, while you drag me here and there, back and forth, along with you on your ups and downs. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to cry, and I really don’t want to want. The more I want him, the more it hurts. He’ll never be mine again, I know that now. But you need to shut up and leave me alone.
I understand that you need time to heal, time to learn what’s best for us. But don’t drag me down with you. I just can’t do this again. I know I’ve loved him for years, but it’s not going to work. Not now, not ever. There’s nothing for me here. I know you need time, just like he said he did, but don’t ruin me while you wait.
I know he said a lot of things that turned out to be just empty words, leading me on and keeping me in the chase, but now I need to get over that, and fast. Won’t you help me do that? Won’t you help me forget him?
It didn’t end so badly this time. Last time we said goodbye, it was messy and painful. This time it will be quiet and maybe even gentle. I’m not sure I even will say goodbye to him. I don’t want it to end up hurting us both. So maybe I can get over it a little faster.
However, if he decides that, when he’s single again, he wants me again with no strings like a relationship attached, you can tear him to bits. I really don’t mind. I’m not happy with him either, for using me like that. If he decides to try it again, I’ll let you rip him a new one. I’m done being a toy for his amusement, only important when he needed to play. It won’t happen again, not with him, not with anyone.
I know he’s bad for me, I know he destroys you, but at least I learn something important whenever he pops back into my life. And I know you learn more than I do. Let’s try to take comfort in that.
I know now that it can never work with him, that it won’t be like I always imagined under your influence. Now I need to walk away for good, and I’ll take you with me. I won’t let you hang on to him again. It’s not good for either of us. We need to move on. So that’s what we’ll do. As much as it’ll hurt for a while, it will be done.
So, dearest Heart, from the Mind that can’t seem to control you, I offer you this comfort: There will be someone for us, someday. There is someone out there for everyone who wants someone, and we both want someone. It’ll happen for us, one day. One sweet day…