My back hit a brick wall as I lit up a smoke. The skies were clear, but my head, not so much. Every time I see that boy, part of me feels like it's being torn out by a wild wolf. That's not right! I'm the wolf, not him. He's the swan I'm supposed to protect. Our love, however, is a monster; abusive, idiotic, and massive in size.
He'll never realize how much we're like the cigarette in my hand. We're good as great, until that love burns down and we're left with is a hot piece of trash. Then I'm forced to stomp it out before it causes a fire. I threw the butt to the gravel, hearing his voice around the corner. My heart shook in my chest to feel his oar so close.
Looking up, I set my eyes on the most beautiful disaster I've ever been cursed with. He may smile now, but I know it has to be killing him like it's killing me. Nicky James Novak; once a shy goth kid, and now, the darkest ray of sunshine around. His long hair was blacker than night, and as silky as the feather of a raven. Those baby blue eyes could kill me like poison. No, the real poison is in his kiss.
I haven't had the pleasure of feeling those lips in God knows how long. He walked with his best friend, Jacky Cabe. JC could care less if I live or die, and he's happy to remind me of that every day. I try to brush off the dirty looks, and Nicky, he acts like they don't exist.
His temper is invisible to my Angel, an angel that doesn't realize he walks with a devil. The wind blew through the courtyard, pushing my hair in front of my eyes, as it did theirs. Nicky laughed as he pushed choppy black locks out of JC's face, and reached up to kiss him.
As their lips fell apart, my stomach twisted with sorrow spawned out of anger. Nicky caught me staring and his sweet smile fell fast. He looked at JC, speaking to him and they both glanced back at me. I could see my suppressed rage mirrored in Jacky's eyes as he starred at me like he was the shark, and I was a guppy.
Nicky told him to calm down, then began to walk over to where I stood. My heart began to beat faster as my Love came closer. I've waited for so long to see him, but now? I'm ready to run, because it wasn't supposed to go like this. The next time he saw me, he was going to run in my arms and cry because he missed me even more than I missed him. This though, this is the opposite. He's ready to tell me to get out of town and never look back, but I refuse to leave my Sweetie behind again.
"Long time, no see." He muttered as he looked up at me, the wind blowing in between us. "I'm surprised you came back."
"I'm not. I missed you, Love." I responded with hope still running through my heart, but not my head.
Nicky sighed as his eyes wondered onto the horizon. He let his head fall to the ground, and his hand rested on the back on his neck. "Look, Ryder, I've moved on. JC, he loves me, and he doesn't hurt me, not like you. I can't put myself through that Hell again."
"Baby-" I began.
"No," He interrupted. "I'm not your Baby. I'm not yours, not anymore. Just... move on."
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words were trapped in my burning throat. He's lying, he does love me. Deep down, our love is still there. He just... forgot. Yeah, he forgot. JC's been around him too long, and that asshole has numbed the pain of our love. Nicky can walk away now, but he knows who he truly loves.
Something in me couldn't bring me to walk away from him. Though, he found it too easy. The pain punished my heart as I watched him leave with JC, smiling like we never loved and lost. He still has feelings for me. I could see it in those gorgeous eyes that never cease to steal my breath right from my throat.
Nicky was gone, and I felt empty again. Being around him gave me a sense of energy and happiness. I guess it's true what they say; love is a b****. It chews you up and spits you out without a care.
As much as I never wanted to leave, I had to. His cologne still drifted on the wind around me while I walked to my car. It haunted me worse that my most terrifying nightmares. He wouldn't just get off my damn mind, but I know I'm on his too. Turning on that old Corvette, I heard our song playing on the radio. It was like a sign, that he's not out of my life just yet. He's coming back around, I know it. I do.



As I heard the wind press against the house, one face was still on my mind. I called him, over and over again, but all I heard was the torture of his voice on the answering machine. My head pounded, just from stressing over him. Why can't you get out of my head?
I laid on my bed, in my small room that was covered in reminds of him. Pictures hung on the wall of us together, happy, and his hoodie was thrown over the chair in the corner. There comes a point when someone is so deeply rooted in your life, you can't remove them. No matter what poisons you try, they will always be there. Nicky was more than a face I can forget in a few years. I need him like I need air. Hell, I'd even give up that for him.
There was a knock on my bedroom door that interrupted my thoughts. I yelled at my mother to leave me alone, just imagining what the Hell she wants. Then my heart dropped, hearing his cute giggle.
"It's me, Baby." Nicky said, closing the door behind him.
I took a hard swallow, seeing my dreams and reality overlap. He crawled on bed, or more so, on me. Those damn eyes dug into my soul as he slowly inched closer to my lips. His eyes narrowed, ready to kiss me. Lust ran through my body, giving me a refreshing feeling that I've longed for.
Then, just as I thought he was going to kiss me, he whispered, "I'm not real."
The world around me stopped, as if someone just paused it with a remote. I closed my eyes, thinking this was some cruel nightmare. All I heard in the silence was his breathing, as it faded, and his soft touch left with it. Reopening my eyes, I saw a white sky. It wasn't blue, no, it was white as a ghost. A ghost... A God damn ghost.
My mind swirled, and so did my vision. I sat up, shaking my head again. Why is that word so cold? A ghost... Am I being haunted? Or is it just the fear Nicky puts into my mind? I looked around myself, seeing I was on the top of my car.
Guess I fell asleep star gazing or something. Last night was just a blur of my childish fears rushing back to me. I jumped off the red hood, walking to the edge of the cliff I was parked on. The entire town was in my view. It seemed so small, but then again, so did I.
Looking down over the edge, I saw a frightening death drop just feet away from me. It was more than rock and trees. There was a car wrecked at the bottom of the cliff. I began to run to my car for my phone, but I sudden tripped and fell flat on my face. As I closed my eyes from the pain, I saw my reality come crashing back.
Nicky and I... we... oh my God. It was that night, so dark and cold, that we fought in the car. I caught him kissing that asshole JC at a party, and I remember the look in his eyes when I pulled him off my Baby. Nicky... Nicky was scared, and I was ready to kill them both. He kept telling me... he was forced into it.
Bullshit, I said. He looked like he was enjoying it, but he swore up and down he wasn't. He shook when I raised my voice. I was just so angry... Then... Then I... I wasn't paying attention and... we crashed.
We crashed...
We saw that white light...
We lost reality...
We aren't real...
I guess, he was right... we aren't real.