The problem was that I knew it was wrong. I knew, but I did it anyway. I did it because you were so sure of yourself, your feelings. And you were so sure about us. So, standing on that cliff, you spurred me on, you motivated me from the bottom to jump into the water with you. The day I jumped in with you, that’s the day I think I should regret.

Where the water was, there was only you and me, no one else. But I guess that’s the problem when you’re living inside your own fantasy; that when the winds rush in, and the storms come, survival is a miracle. And not a good one, at that. We swam and swam, and as we got deeper together, I started to need your oxygen to keep breathing underwater. We shared it, and it became a part of me, almost like it was in my veins, flowing through my body. And that is a moment I think I should regret.

I don’t think it was okay at all. Then, the tables turned. And you decided that we were drowning, that we could no longer stay afloat together. That day, you decided to stop swimming. You wanted nothing to do with me, but I kept coming up to the surface, looking for your face. You never went very far, always stayed at the edge of the water, dipping your feet in where I could still see you and commune with you.

And then we fell in again, and this time the storms got worse, but we got even deeper together. That day, you decided to get out of the water, to stop being my supply of oxygen underwater and to dry yourself off for good. That was the day I fell apart. The day I knew there was nothing left to hold on to. I could no longer breathe underwater, but I stayed there anyway. Each day, I bobbed to the surface to find you but my body never left the water. We could have gone our separate ways after drying off on land, but I always chose to stay in the water, because you never gave up on me and I was now the one who wouldn’t let it go. I couldn’t. So even though it was impossible for me to breathe under the surface of the water, I remained in it. And it began eating at my flesh. I got weary and soaked. I could still see you, but you were much further away from the water’s edge now. You were dry.

An unexpected slap on the face, sponsored by reality, hit me that day. She also talked some sense into me and pulled me out of the water, out of my fantasy and back into the real world. I currently stand outside the water, slowly drying off, but wetting myself repeatedly with my tears. And that is how I know my heart is broken more than yours.

But at least now I stand, rather than crawling desperately to find my clothes on land. I have them on now, I found myself again, and I am slowly drying the part of me that takes the longest; my hair.

But, I don’t regret any of it.

At first, I threw you away like a stone from the water. But you bounced back, humbled by your mistakes, and you wanted me again. You wanted me, but only on land. I agreed, it seemed the safest place for us to be together.