I am so sorry. I would love to talk to you, but I just have to take care of a couple things first. I need to finish writing up this document, it needs to be put in effect ASAP. Also, we are currently remodeling our office, because the old colors were so disgusting. I mean, who would choose green and yellow to decorate an office? I am a prim and proper man, and I like everything I see to be professional. So, I had a meeting with Ms. Flybapple about remodeling, and we are doing the entire office in shades of black and white. Or, shall I say, my workers are going to be redoing the office in shades of black and white.

* twenty minutes later

Ah, finally. My work for the day is finished. Let me introduce myself. My name is Asher Martin, but I would like for you to call me Mr. Martin. I may look like your average lawyer, but, there is so much more to me than what the eye sees. Oh, and I have just realized, you cannot see what I look like because I have not told you! I am about 1.2 mm in length, and I weigh around 20 milligrams. My body is covered in different shades of black and grey, and I have wonderous wings that are seemingly magical. You’re probably thinking to yourself “What the hell.” Yes, I am a fly. Not just any fly though, a fly with the power to transform into a human and then back into a fly. Before you get scared, I want to make sure that you understand that I am an oddity, and am one of the only flies on this planet with this power. Before I can explain the events of the past week, I think it is essential to give you a little bit of backstory about myself.

I was born on November 5, 1995; therefore I am currently 23 years old. My mom is a fly and the only other fly in history to have the power to change into a human, a superpower we have officially named “transformintoahumanobia.” She never appreciated having this superpower, and she went to doctors to find a way to get rid of it. She eventually got medicine which stopped her from being able to transform. When she met my father, they knew the risks of having children because there was a chance their children would get the superpower. And, guess what? I, out of my parents’ 499 other children, was the only one to get transformintoahumanobia. However, I, unlike my mother, have always appreciated my power, but as a child always had to take medicine because I could hurt my town if I accidentally killed everyone. Now, most flies only live around 30 days, but due to my powers I get to live as long as a human, and so does my mother. My father died when I was five days old, so I never really got to meet him. My mother and I constantly struggled for money when I was growing up, unlike the rest of the fly population who maxed out their credit cards all the time because of their short lifespans. At the age of 16, I started my own business, opening a law firm in town. Quickly, I had around 2 million dollars in the bank account and was ready to move out of my mom's house. However, first I had to buy her a nice dwelling, one with air conditioning because us flies like to live in temperatures of 70 degrees (which is why many of us enter human houses).  I hired constructors to paint her house in different shades of purple, her favorite color, and I installed a little pool that was small enough so that she wouldn’t drown. The pool was around the size of a human teardrop. After spending around one million on my mom's new home, I could finally buy myself a house. However, I wanted a one that was human-sized so that if I wanted to, I could transform. I purchased a home in the village right next to our fly town, and inside I placed a tiny house for me to sleep in if I chose to be a fly.

I think now is the time to describe how I transform. It is actually way more comfortable than you probably think. All I have to do is hug myself and touch my head, and then I turn. I do not want to sugarcoat this, the transformation is extremely painful, but the pain only lasts for a few seconds. Imagine everything in you expanding, facial features and body parts exploding out. And, for some reason, I have terrible eyesight as a human, so I always need to make sure I have my glasses with me because otherwise, I am blind as a bat. Once I transform I am usually butt naked, so I have to quickly put on clothes, which I have dispersed throughout my house because as a fly it is impossible to carry clothes which seem to weigh a lot. And once this transformation is complete, I look just like your average human! And now, I think it is time to discuss my job.

As a human-fly hybrid, I care about something that the human population does not. Humans kill flies without a thought or care for their lives, which I have always thought was so messed up. I do not believe that God created humans so that they would so willingly murder other creatures, whether those creatures be human or insects. So, I worked extremely hard to get a law degree and have since been my fly town’s only lawyer. I have a particular monitor that beeps every time a human kills a fly. Said monitor lists the location and age of the human. I have a rule that I can never go after anyone under the age of 15, but anyone else is fair game. Once I am alerted, I file a report with my assistant who further researches the human. If they have killed more than 10 flies in their lifetime, I transform into a human and hurt them in the same way they hurt the fly. For example, if they stepped on a fly with a shoe, I hit them in the head with a shoe. Or, if they swat a fly, I swat them. And, you’re probably wondering how I do not get in trouble for doing this. My entire transformation takes around two seconds, so the minute the human realizes what happened I have already escaped. Usually, I leave a little note explaining the situation, so that the person will hopefully never kill another fly ever again.  Another employee at my office ensures that I have an escape route so that I do not get in trouble. This pattern repeats itself, and I have devoted my whole life to obtaining justice for flies. I get around ten alerts a month, and I have been at this job for around 5 years.

However, this is the story of how all of my beliefs shifted, and how peace was brought to the fly- human world.

It all started on a hot summer day in August. I got an alert while singing Frank Ocean in the shower, and so I quickly dressed and headed to the office. Within five minutes I had gathered all the information necessary to find the suspect, and Eugene, my assistant, planned my escape route. The subject was a 20-year-old girl named Edda who was drowning a fly in her pool. She lived in Woodland Hills, California, and I arrived at her house quickly. (Oh, and if I haven’t mentioned, I have a jet pack which sticks to my wings, allowing me to travel at rapid speeds). This is what happened.

I flew into her kitchen and quickly became human, gathering a massive bucket of ice water which I planned to dump on her head. Also, I quickly scribbled a note explaining that she has been warned and that her actions cannot be dismissed.

I quickly dumped the ice water on her head and turned into a fly, but then I heard her shout.

“AHHHHHH. PUT SOME PANTS ON IDIOT! OH, GOD”

Quickly I turned and ran to cover myself, my cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. As I pulled up my tuxedo, I heard her shout again.

EXCUSE ME? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BACKYARD. I WAS TRYING TO SAVE THIS FLY’S LIFE, AND NOW YOU DROWNED HIM”

I was taken aback. I, Asher Martin, had killed one of my own kind? As you may have guessed, I was disgusted with myself and let out a very human-sounding curse word, one which I do not think is appropriate for my audience. She had caught me, and in a second I turned into a human again.

   I turned around and said “Um what? I am an expert detective, and all of my alerts told me that you were drowning a fly. What? You were trying to save him?”

   She said “Yes, of course, I was. My name is Ett a, and I am proud of the fact that I care about all animals equally.”

The blood drained from my face. How could I have possibly made such a disgusting mistake? Never before had this happened? A human being saving a fly proved that some humans actually had good hearts, because, out of the hundreds of cases I had dealt with, this was the first time I had actually been wrong. I knew I had to explain everything, and so I starting apologizing profusely.

   “I am so sorry. I had no idea that you were helping the fly. I swear this has never happened and I am so angry at myself. I think you’re really confused so I should probably tell you what’s going on. “

And then I explained everything, from my birthright down to getting the alert while in the shower. Surprisingly, she was not creeped out, which was crazy to me because I had an incident in college where someone found out, but I just made them feel like they were mad. However, after that, I was always scared to tell anyone because that person judged me.

Etta said “Martin, I understand. I am sorry that I freaked out on you, but I do not understand why you think it’s okay just to hurt humans and not care. I am not mad about your condition, I am mad that you have such anger in your heart for humans. You cannot say that you are a good person if you are not willing to see the well-being of humans and flies as being equal. Neither of our kind should be out to get the other, and that is what you need to understand.”

Her words struck me, and after pondering on them for a good ten minutes, I finally spoke.

“You know what? You are so right. I just wanted people to start treating flies more fairly, but I know that your words are true. I want to hear more about your ideas!”

And then we talked. For around ten hours. Days after I kept on visiting her and eventually, we fell in love. The first time I brought her home, my mom actually transformed for the first time in years and we all had a lovely discussion about human-fly relationships over a delightful dinner of fruitcake and Chipotle. (We flies love our fruit!.)

About a month after this first meeting, we met with her dad, and I found out that he was actually the mayor of the city, and due to this he was able to create laws which prohibited any human being from being allowed to kill a fly without consequences. I agreed to close down my operations and become a full-time lawyer protecting the rights of anyone and everyone because my ultimate new goal in life was for everyone to be treated fairly. Etta and I married and had over 60 babies with transformintoahumanobia, and a harmonious relationship existed in our town for the rest of time.