​​I hadn’t realized how bored I was of my life until I met Aella. She was a flighty young thing, with wings of glittering copper that shone brightly in the sun. She had come to me first, of course, I had never found the need to look for adventure. It had been a humid summer evening -though not hot enough to turn on the air conditioner- and all of my windows were wide open, willing the breeze to softly drift through my curtains.

  It must have been around 2am when she flitted through one of my opened windows and into my room. I didn’t notice until I woke up and saw her on the side of my bed, tiny body curling up to fit inside one wrinkled crease in my pillowcase. So I decided to leave all of the windows open the next day, despite the summer air being replaced by a rather stormy breeze, so she could leave when she woke up. I didn’t expect her to stay, but much to my surprise she sat in that little crease on my pillow, still as a rock, watching me run about my day. It was a mere curiosity, I thought. She would come and go. 

Over the next few days and nights, she never left my room. She slept on my pillow, and watched me during the day. When she got hungry, she would sit on the windowsill and wait for ongoing bugs to zip by her, then snatch them up with her dainty pink tongue. When she was thirsty, she collected the sparkling morning dew drops the night had left on the windowsills. She needed nothing from me, it seemed, as she watched me complete my errands every day. It was near the end of summer when  I came back from the supermarket to find one of my souvenirs from a beach I had been to once shattered on my desk. It had once been a beautiful glass jar of sand with seashells arranged precisely around the bottle. Now, it was a lump of golden grains on my desk spelled in one word: Aella. She blinked at me from atop my alarm clock. The next day, I went to the crafts store and bought a large bottle of sand and a thumb sized travel dictionary. 

Over the next few weeks that followed, we came to have a mutual understanding of each other. I always left one side of my pillow untouched so she could sleep peacefully, and she never bothered me during my day’s work of typing away at emails and my occasional stop at the grocery store. I found myself dreading the time I would spend outside of my house without her. I couldn’t bring her along with me wherever I went, what if someone saw her? So she stayed in, I went out, but I was unhappy all the time. I couldn’t wait for the late hours when I would arrive home to a new word written on my desk. Every day it was something different from the dictionary I had bought for her. Star, love, want, fly. I began to see through her eyes into the wonder of the world for the first time. It was a beautiful feeling, being transported back in time and looking through her wonder filled eyes that had once been mine when I was a kid.

 When winter came, it was cold outside; so cold that I closed the windows in my house and bolted them shut so the snow and the chilly breeze wouldn’t creep in. Aella and I stayed close together, next to the old fireplace in my living room, and I had never felt more at peace. At the beginning of December, I had stocked up on as many foods as I could- canned, frozen, anything that would last for a long time without me having to go out again. Staying in all day with her was the most comforting feeling I had felt in the longest time- I had never felt so secure. But the safer I felt and the more heart I poured into Aella, the more distant she grew. Had I done something wrong? Was I simply not enough anymore? I did the best I could, opening my windows occasionally for Aella to skip through the snow outside. Although it seemed like she was hesitant every time she decided to come back into the warm house, I knew she would return. She always did. 

So when Spring hit, I had never been more excited. I thought if things went back to normal- the light outside, the calm breeze, the open windows every day- Aella would be happy once again. So I opened my windows, pulled up my shutters, and left for my first grocery run of the month. I stopped at the craft store too– the sand I had bought Aella was close to finished. When I finally returned home with a light heart, I immediately was drawn to my desk. What word had she spelled out today? Freedom. It was in all caps, grains of sand messily strewn about the wooden desktop. I looked around for Aella but she was not perched atop my alarm clock as she usually was. The spring breeze fluttered through an open window, white curtains fluttering in the wind. She was gone. 

I still don’t know how to feel about the way she left. Sometimes when I think about it, a pang of sadness fills my heart- then comes guilt, confusion, wonder, relief. I know deep down she did what was right for me, for her. We couldn’t continue our cycle of obsession and it had already taken a devastating toll on me. My skin was paler than usual due to the lack of sunlight I had gotten in the past few months, I had lost most of my friends because of all the time I traded for Aella. Occasionally, I wonder what would have happened if she decided to stay, writing words and flitting around my room. I suppose I am happier now, though. I go out often, I search for adventure, I look for anything that can make my heart lighter as she did. But when night creeps in and I lay down to sleep, I still leave half of my pillow untouched.