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Alice's Return
I slammed the doctor’s office door and stormed down the steps. My sister, Lorina, called after me, “Alice! Stop running! It’s okay, I won’t let anyone make fun of you anymore!” I ignored her, she was always wrong. She though Mr. Dodgson had just been documenting my thoughts and experiences for future reference, when he had actually been recording them to make into a book.
I didn’t stop walking, quite the opposite, I began jogging slowly picking up speed as I began to recognize the streets and houses of London. I finally reached the street I lived on and slowed to a walk, trying to catch my breath. I saw several windows open as I walked past, then shut as soon as I glanced at them. The attention never stopped, my mum and dad never heard the end of it, and dad was fired the other day. He’d been finding it hard to find a job, everyone has heard about my little adventure.
My classmates used to pick on me and steal my lunch claiming that “A white rabbit grabbed it and ran away! I guess he was late for something.” The entire cafeteria would burst out laughing. I ended up in the guidance office the first few times, but eventually I was led to the principal.
My mum was eventually forced to pull me out of public school and I had received home schooling, not that it did much good, for Mum always left to work wherever she could to support us, and Dad rarely left his room, except to grab a new alcoholic drink. I edged the door open and stepped inside, expecting to hear a rude comment or something from someone. But there was nothing, silence.
I tiptoed my way down the hallway and peered into Dad’s room, he was fast asleep. I sighed, feeling an immense pressure lift momentarily.
I eased the door to my room shut and I took that famous blue dress out again, I stared, there was where I ripped it in the White Rabbit’s house, after I accidentally consumed one of those horrible size potions. And there, there was the rust from the White Rabbit’s watch. I sighed, folding it up to shove to under my floorboards, hoping no one would find it.
I sat down on my small bed, with thoughts rushing through my mind. Should I run away? No, I can’t. But it would ease some of the pressure of my family. No, if I can just get through this phase. But I was kidding myself. This wasn’t a phase, it would stay with me wherever I went, however old I got. A tear slid down my cheek, dropping off of my chin onto my lap. I made a split decision, one that would change my life forever.
I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a loaf of bread and an assortment of fruits. I took them back into my room and slid them under the covers. I was just closing my door when I heard Lorina walking up the front steps of our home. The doorknob jiggled several times, then finally I heard the telltale screech of its hinges. I braced myself for the reprimand I was sure was coming.
“Alice. Alice? Alice!” It wasn’t a mean or scolding call. I stepped out from the shadows of the hallway and Lorina gave a sigh of relief. “Oh, there you are. I was worried you didn’t come home.” She looked so tired and put out. We lapsed into silence and I backed slowly towards my door. I went inside and quickly locked it. I scooped up the food in my bed and put it into the small rucksack I had from my schooling years. I gently slid open the window, then forced my body through a gap it should not have fit through.
I dropped on all fours to the ground, then reached up and slid the window back down. The first few steps were the toughest, was I making the right decision? My thoughts passed and I began to pick up speed, walking at a brisk pace, my feet and legs seeming to know where to go. I passed the stores and houses of people from my past life. But no, now I was never coming back.
A lone tear rolled down my cheek as I reached my unknown destination. I stopped short; I was near the river where I had fallen down the rabbit hole. I thought I had left this god-forsaken place in my past. But I realized there was nowhere else for me to go.
Scanning the area, I realized that the White Rabbit’s hole had moved. I scurried forward, reminding me of myself not that long ago. I took a few steps toward it, breathing deeply to prepare myself for the plunge. I was on the brink looking down, when someone grasped my shoulders and spun me around.
“Lorina! You scared me. How did you know where to find me?”
“Well, it wasn’t that hard. I followed you since you left the house.” Lorina stated simply.
“Wow. Well, do you believe me now? You can see for yourself, right behind me.”
She gave me a concerned look, glancing over my should, “Alice, dear, there isn’t anything behind you. You are standing in the middle of nowhere. I mean, I know where we are, but there isn’t anything special about this place.”
“What do you mean? Can you not see this circle behind me? It’s a hole. The hole.” I hissed. She must be playing with me.
Lorina looked really worried, “Alice, I realize that you have been picked on and talked about a lot recently, but that doesn’t mean you need to give in and think that you are crazy. I know you, you aren’t like this.”
“Lorina! This is not funny!” I said in a loud voice. She grabbed my hand and pulled. I whipped my hand out and took a step back towards the hole. She followed, putting her arm through mine.
“Alice, let’s just go home. Stop making a spectacle of yourself! You are embarrassing me!”
“You’re embarrassed?! You don’t know the meaning of the word! You are nothing but a self-centered jerk!” I jerked away, my toes precariously hanging over the rim. She put her hand on my shoulder, meaning to push me away, but before she could, I grabbed her arm, and took the last step.
And we fell.
Back to Wonderland.
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This article has 58 comments.
I really liked it! I liked the end especially--Now Lorina's in Wonderland! Do you know where you're going to take this?
I DID like the bluntness of the life-changing decision, that's definitely the kind of decision that you can't think too much about. But at the same time, it almost seemed TOO abrupt. There wasn't very much thought process, you know? Maybe that's how it was supposed to be, YOU are the writer after all. I just noticed that, I guess it's a preference thing.
So I loved it! Thanks for sharing!
Hi! I loved this story – kind of the modern twist on Alice.
I’ve read through these comments and it seems like you’re one of those great people who likes *constructive* criticism so I hope you don’t mind if I give you my opinions =]
First off, I loved the story over all – the idea, the content, it was all so good! One of my suggestions is for this sentence at the very beginning: “She thought Mr. Dodgson had just been documenting my thoughts and experiences for future reference, when he had actually been recording them to make into a book.” With the “always wrong” in the sentence before, I think it might flow better if you gave quick instances of when Lorina had been wrong previously. Something like: “Lorina was wrong that time in 6th grade blah blah blah and she was wrong about Mr. Dodgson. She was convinced that he had just been documenting my thoughts and experiences for future reference, but in actuality he had been recording them to make into a book.” What I LOVED about this sentence was the subtle reference to Lewis Carroll by using his real name – brilliant!
The part that bugs me about this sentence “forced my body through a gap it should not have fit through” is that “through” is used twice. Maybe you could use “into” or “out of a gap” the first time? But that’s just a little thing (and you know your story is good when I’m picking on little things =)
“Scanning the area, I realized that the White Rabbit’s hole had moved. I scurried forward, reminding me of myself not that long ago. I took a few steps toward it, breathing deeply to prepare myself for the plunge..”
The first two sentences just confuse me. You write that the White Rabbit’s hole had moved, but don’t explain how or why, or even if Alice is surprised. I don’t think much of it because I figure “it’s Wonderland” until I get to the next sentence… generally when I think of the phrase “reminding me of myself” I think of comparing myself to someone or something else. Maybe you could try something like: “I scurried forward, searching for the missing hole, and couldn’t help but remember the last time I did this.” Then maybe you could change that third sentence so it alerts the reader that Alice has found the hole so the “it” doesn’t catch them off guard (as it did me) and they look to see if they had missed a sentence about what “it” was!
The only other thing I would comment on is that the conversation seemed a little stilted for some reason, but I have trouble with that too.
All in all, I loved your story – fresh ideas and very entertaining! I hope you didn’t mind my criticism (it’s not like you have to do anything I say anyways) and keep writing!
Thank you! thanks a lot!! She was actually at a meeting with her psychiatrist, at the hospital.... that does make sense, right?The last straw causing her to run away was the unseen confrontation in the building. She absolutely believed it was real and totally crazy! I mean come on! it was so vivid!
:P. i guess I should have answered some of those in the piece... oops.
Thanks for the support!
The classic Alice took a spin into the modern world of pyschology. :)
Your creativity is ingenius.
I was waiting for more discription of her surroundings and more reasons for her to run away.
Why was she there at the hospital?
What exactly was the last straw for her to run away?
What did she believe about her trip to Wonderland?
:)
Keep it up and play with your characters!
Oooh I love this take on Alice's experience! Plotwise, I think it's great, following Alice's thoughts through and having her deal with classmates and such. I see a few comma splices here and there (“I ignored her, she was always wrong.”), although I guess they're understandable if you're going for a stream of consciousness style of writing. And another stylistic suggestion would be to split up your dialogue. For example, you’d write something like: “Well, it wasn’t that hard. I followed you since you left the house.” Lorina stated simply.
I think it flows more nicely if you wrote instead: "Well, it wasn't that hard," Lorina stated simply. "I followed you since you left the house." That way the reader knows who's speaking earlier in the sentence.
:D Just stylistic suggestions, no errors. I hope you write more!
Wow! I love how you took a very familiar story and totally transformed it and threw it in a different direction! I quite enjoyed all of it and I am curious to see what happens next.
The only criticism I have is that you start a lot of your sentences with 'but,' which is fine, especially since this is a creative story and not an essay, but sometimes reading flows better with correct punctuation.
For example,
"I edged the door open and stepped inside, expecting to hear a rude comment or something from someone. But there was nothing, silence."
This sentence may flow better if it was changed to "I edged the door open and stepped inside, expecting to hear a rude comment or something from someone, but there was nothing--silence."
Other than those type of things, i see nothing wrong with the story. Great job!
