I sprinted to my room and slammed the door. With tears flowing down my eyes I crawled into my bed.
I did it again. Why am I such a failure?
My mother was such an awesome person-and I can’t even get a date for homecoming. Why? Because I am normal. Normal grades, normal looks, normal everything. My mom had awesome grades, changed lives, and what am I? I am a failure.
If only I could be a witch and make objects hover. Or be able to do flips like a ninja. Or be anything like them. I just want to feel special. That’s all I want. Just…to feel…like I matter.
If you want to be special, then why don’t you make yourself special?
Well, because I don’t have the will power. That’s why I can’t do anything consistently. I can’t have schedules because I always blow them off. I mean, the only thing I know I will do is go to school. Everything else is just made up as I go.
Maybe if I had a special power. Then maybe I could have saved mom from getting sick.
“Mom…you would know what to do,” I quietly cried, “Why did you go? I miss you.”
I never will be anything. All I am doing is crying over nothing. I just need to escape to my dream land, the only place I can be worth anything.
With that thought, I drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I walked into the gym at my school with a beautiful white dress on. I was at homecoming. Everyone was dancing and having the time of their lives. I looked around and as soon as I looked at people, their faces turned and the whispers started.
As usual. I sighed.
This wasn’t a good idea, I should go.
When I turned to leave a hand grabbed my arm. When I turned to look my breath was taken. It was a six foot-three, muscular, black hair, blue eyed, beauty of a guy.
“May I have a dance before you go?” His voice sounded graceful and knowing.
Without thinking I nodded my head, speechless. Without a word he spun me into his arms and we danced to the flow of the music.
“Your name is Celea, right?” he asked. When I nodded he continued, “My name is Libidinem.”
I glanced over at a group of people as they whispered in my direction. I looked down at the floor as the dark sadness fled over me.
“Why do you let them do that?” he lifted my chin with his finger, “They have no right to talk dirty about a dazzling lass like you.”
“Why? Because I’m just a shadow in the background?”
“Oh, contraire. You are a flower among thorns. They barely deserve to taint this world with their presence. Your trials have made you more mature then many adults and everything about you is remarkable. They have nothing to say. They are filthy, unworthy, low life creatures.”
What he said made me feel…nice. I looked in his eyes and saw that he meant what he said. “But what am I to do? I am too weak to stop them!”
He glanced over me with his beautiful eyes. “If we became one, then we could show them how dangerous you can be.” He looked at me with a naughty, sexy smile; “We could show them how strong you truly are, or do you want to stay a weak flower that is destroyed for enjoyment?”
Everything was so real – his touch, his smile, and the coldness of how people stared at me.
I am sick of feeling weak, I’m sick of every-one's cold actions towards me, especially when I have done nothing!
I gave him my best naughty smile, as I looked him in the eyes. “It is time that they find out how dark I can be!”
His grin grew from my answer and he forced a kiss on my lips. I could feel him entering my body through the kiss; it was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I could feel his power warm my vanes and his cold heart harden mine. I felt so accelerated, so dangerous, so pleased.
That is when I felt the stares of the people behind me, their cold judging stairs.
I have had it with them!
I turned around and walked up to them. Only one acknowledged me, the others awkwardly tried to dance away.
“Hey!” said the girl named Jinny. She hates me because I didn’t let her cheat off of my papers, “How am I supposed to have a good time with you stinking up the party, b****?”
“Exactly…” I raised my hand to see that my nails had turned into claws. I smiled as I saw the fear flood her face. “Maybe I should just get rid of you!”
She let out a piercing scream as I ripped her body in two. I chuckled as I licked her blood from my forefinger. Finally. I could fight back.
I looked around as everyone gawked at me, some of the football players peeing themselves at the sight of me. I crouched down, and with a hushed growl, I killed them all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I jumped up from my bed. With panting breath I checked my hands and tried to process the dream I had just had. Once I was positive that it was just a dream, I took a breath. I know it was just a dream but it was so…real. I shivered as the dream played back in my head.
I looked at the clock; it is about time for me to get ready for school. That’s good; getting ready will take my mind off the dream. On the bright side, maybe this dream will distract me from the thought of going to school.
By the time I got to school the dream was in the back of my mind and the cold reality had taken full control of my thoughts. I walked through the halls as everyone greeted one another, smiling faces on everyone of them. The only time they frowned is when I got too close.
Oh well, it’s just another day in my world.
I sat in the back of the class not because I wanted to, but because no one could throw stuff at me without getting in trouble.
“Look at them,” Libidinem’s cold voice rang in my head “They don’t even give you a hello. They have no reason to resent you. I pray they give you a reason to show them pain.”
I shook my head. I’m too much of a goody-two-shoes to do anything. That’s the way mom raised me. I can't let her down.
“But if you did have the power, would you put them in their place? You don’t have to kill them, but just...scare them. What’s different between here and your dreams?”
“Dreams aren't real,” I whispered to myself.
Besides, I won’t get any power, so it is not an issue.
But no matter what I told myself, the thoughts kept bothering me. By lunch I was so deep in thought that I barely noticed I was at lunch.
I took a moment to look around at my empty table, then glanced at the tables around me. Everyone was talking and pretending that I don't exist and the ones that did pointed and snickered.
I raked my hands through my white hair to find that they were snickering at a chip in my hair. When I looked back up I found them falling out of their chairs laughing. Everyone else restrained their smiles, even a teacher was among the hidden snickers.
I’ve had enough of this! If I did have the power I would show those filthy humans their place!
“Violence solves nothing,” the smooth words of my mother flooded my mind, “It just brings you down to their level. Take a deep breath and sing a calming song.”
So I did. I took my things, took a breath, and left singing a graceful tune in my head. On my way out I swore I saw a figure of a large person, but I guess I imagined it.
The rest of my classes were normal and my mood was neutral through them, so I had no problem walking home.
I opened the door to find yelling voices making the house tremble. I unpacked my things and went to make a sandwich. James came into the kitchen with a bloody cut above his eye.
“Oh my god what happened?” I gasped.
“Nothing happened,” he tossed over his shoulder as he grabbed a paper towel, “An a**h*** just jumped me. I could have taken them, but they had glass.”
“Here, let me help.” But before I could move he stepped away.
“No! I’m fine! Just leave me alone!” He grabbed his skate board and slammed the door behind him as he left the house.
“I just was trying to help…” I walked down the hall to the T.V room to find my dad, shirt off, beer in hand, looking depressed as death.
“I can’t believe he is failing his classes…” he muttered.
“What happened with James?” I asked.
He threw his hands in the air. “He got jumped for talking smack. Throwing his life away like his old man did. I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks.”
“I'm sorry...” I muttered.
“It’s not your fault. I just miss your mother. She would know what to do about the boy.”
I looked down. “Yeah. She would.”
I wish I was like her. Even when she was sick she had a smile on her face. Poor James barely remembers her. I’ll never be as great as she was.
“I’m going on a walk,” I told my dad, “I won’t go far.” The only thing he did in response was wave.
When I got out the door, I looked around. Everything was quiet, as usual. I liked my neighborhood; it was quiet and relatively safe. It’s not the suburbs, but I like it.
I walked down the street and truly looked at the houses, trees, everything. Sometimes you just need to look around to find something to be thankful for. The smells of the trees and flowers almost drowned out all the cigarette smoke.
I went down the main street of traffic and just walked. Forgot about the world and just... walked. I was in my own little world when a whistle got my attention.
“Hay, chica! Over here!” a group of teens were handing out. The guys had sick, drunken smiles on their face when they stared at me, while most of the girls were glaring. “You should come hang with us.” One guy winked.
The guys were whistling while they still had their arms around girls. And the girls did nothing about it, just glared.
How sickening!
“You should show them how the girls feel,” his cold voice taunted me in my head. “Those guys are lucky to have what they do and they’re treating them like dirt. If we showed them what it’s like to be abused then maybe they will change.”
I agreed with Libidinem and I really wished I could, but all I could do was keep walking. Even though it made me want to regurgitate, they have the freedom to date whomever they please.
As I walked I heard lots of words of disappointment. I was so deep in the angry thoughts that I didn’t even notice someone behind me until he grabbed me.
“Hey, stay a while, babe.” He pulled my hand.
The first thing I did wasn’t scream or run. I turned around and in a voice that even frightened me I growled, “Remove your hand before I rip it off!”
He froze. Everything in him turned to stone and his eyes were as big as my fist. Seconds seemed to crawl by. I ripped my hand from his grasp and ran- ran like there was no tomorrow.
Where did that come? That was not me! I don’t threaten people!
I was about halfway home when a fist threw me into an alleyway. Four guys and two girls stood over me as one of the football players shoved me to the ground. I noticed that they were the same people that were in the lunch room.
“It is time you learn your place, Celea!” JB, a football, player spat, “Do you think you’re better then us?! By the time were done with you, everyone will see that we rule the school!”
My breath rushed out of my lungs as panic froze me. Maybe if I did have the power, I could get away.
“You’re so naive...” the cold voice flowed, but it was not fully in my mind- it came from outside it. When I looked at where the voice came from- I could not believe my eyes. In the corner was Libidinem- but he looked ... transparent, like a memory or a ghost.
“If you do get away, do you think they will just let it go?” He walked toward me, “They will not stop until you graduate.”
The reality of his words hit me.
They will never let me be, never stop tormenting me, and never get in trouble for it.
“You can stop them. This could end right now. You can save yourself and others a lot of heartbreak. I will give you my power-”
No! My mother taught me never to hurt others! I will take the beating before giving my body over to a demon!
“But didn't she also teach you to protect others? They torment everyone and they will continue it for the rest of their lives. If you stop them now, no one will have to go through your torture again. Besides my beauty...” He whispered in my ear. “I can give you everything you desire.”
The words coming from his gorgeous lips made me feel like doing something naughty.
I have had it with the world! No one will miss me! And I can finally show the world how dangerous I can really be!
I turned my head to force my lips on the sexy demon. The kiss filled me with passion and power while it made my heart cold.
One of the girls slapped me. “What the hell are you doing, freak?”
I looked at the cement floor as I felt how weak she was. Both the demon and I laughed. The sound made them step back. I could smell there fear surfacing, like a wolf smells her pray.
We looked at the group and in an inhuman voice demanded, “Do you really think you feeble humans can hurt me!?!”
I watched them pee their pants as they were petrified with fear, then I growled, “I will show you what pain is...I’ll send you straight to hell!!”
And with a smile on my face and a demon in my heart, I did just that.