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404 Error
“Welcome to Program 1041, Soul Mate Server. How may we assist you today?”
“Build female. Access code 001010.”
"Access code confirmed. Welcome, Adam.”
Adam sat back in the hard, black plastic chair, tapping his fingers along the edge of the metal table. He watched the blue screen on the computer dissolve to reveal a new display. When he scanned his eyes down the new page, he saw it was a list of physical characteristics.
“Physical appearance software 809 opened,” chirped the computer. “Please complete.”
Adam stretched, cracking his back. The room he was sitting in was bare, except for the computer sitting in the middle of the room. The walls, floor, and ceiling were a crisp white, like fresh snow on the ground. It was cold; his cheeks were numb, his breath forming puffs in the air. There were no windows. The inside of the heavy metal door had no doorknob. The lights were so bright it gave him a headache. In the corner was a huge, cylinder-shaped machine with glass doors. Above it shone a steady red light.
Focus, Adam told himself. He read the first item on the list.
HAIR COLOR:
Adam clicked his tongue, fiddling with his left ring finger. He keyed in the information.
HAIR COLOR: BROWN
He paused, his fingers hovering above the keyboard. Brown was a good color. Plain. Simple. He moved on.
HAIR STYLE: LONG, CURLY
EYE COLOR: GREEN
SKIN: COFFEE-COLORED
HEIGHT: 5’4”
“Physical appearance completed. Personality software 997 opened. Please complete.”
Adam tapped his finger on the desk. “Voice dictation on,” he commanded.
“Voice dictation on,” the computer repeated.
“Kids,” Adam said immediately. “She has to want kids.” He glanced down at his bare ring finger again, a shadow passing over his face.
“Confirmed. Complete personality?”
He nodded vigorously. “Yes. Confirm.”
"Personality completed. Please review data.”
Adam watched an image of a woman materialize on the screen. She had all the characteristics he had entered into the computer; a spitting image of her. The same hair, skin, eyes—everything. He clicked the mouse, moving the image this way and that, double and triple-checking his work. His creation.
His new soul mate.
Pleased with himself, Adam said, “Confirm.”
"Confirmed,” the computer chirped. “Please name Mate 00481, your female creation.”
Adam thought about it. Jane was a simple name to use. Or Amy. Or maybe Catherine.
Who am I kidding? he thought bitterly. I want her name.
"Evelyn,” he told the computer.
The computer emanated a soft ding. “Confirmed. Mate 00481 is now named EVELYN. Authorize printing?”
Adam sucked in air through his teeth. “Authorize,” he breathed.
“Printing authorized. Please stand by.”
Adam shot up from his chair and stumbled to the machine in the corner of the room. It was shaking violently, as if it were caught in an earthquake. Thick steam filled the interior, obstructing the inside from Adam’s view. The machine began to make an odd whirring noise, clicking and ticking like a crazed clock. The light above it turned yellow, blinking steadily.
“Ten seconds to completion,” the computer intoned. “Nine.”
Adam pressed his hand against the glass, his stomach twisting. A perfect girl.
“Eight. Seven.”
They’d start a family, grow old together. He’d fall in love with her, and she’d fall for him.
“Six.”
She would want kids.
“Five.”
They wouldn’t fight over the issue, or grow apart because of it.
“Four.”
He curled his hand into a fist, running his thumb over where his wedding ring should be.
“Three.”
“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” Adam said.
"Two.”
The machine shook so hard that Adam thought it was going to fall over. The yellow light began to blink rapidly as the machine let out a long, bone-chilling moan.
“One.”
Adam jumped back. The machine stilled, the room quieting once again. He could hear his heart thumping in his chest like a panicked rabbit. Smoked swirled around the inside of the machine like a crystal ball. Did it work?
“Printing completed.”
The light turned green, the glass doors sliding open with a hiss. Steam spilled out of the machine and snaked across the floor, tickling his ankles. Adam barely noticed it. His eyes were on the figure that was stepping out of the machine, a figure as familiar as the back of his right hand or the sound of his own name.
“Evelyn,” he said, stunned.
She stepped out from the machine, as beautiful as he could remember. Her long, curly brown hair extended down to her ribcage, her green eyes wide. She walked toward him slowly, her bare feet padding against the cold floor. Adam felt his heart skip a beat.Perfect. She’s perfect.
“Evelyn,” he said again, his throat tight.
Evelyn blinked at him. “Hello,” she said, barely moving her mouth.
Adam threw himself forward, dragging his legs like they were cinderblocks. He wrapped his arms around Evelyn's small frame and buried his face in the crook of her shoulder, holding on like his life depended on it. “Evelyn,” he breathed. “It’s really you. I…I really created you.”
Evelyn didn’t even twitch. “Hello,” she repeated, monotonous.
Adam withdrew, studying Evelyn’s face. She wasn’t even looking at him. Her eyes stared straight ahead, focusing on something behind him. Adam turned to see what she was looking at, but saw nothing. He frowned and waved his hand in front of her face.
“Evelyn? Are you there?”
“Confirmed. Mate 00481, Evelyn, is present,” Evelyn replied without missing a beat.
Adam froze. “Evelyn, no. Don’t do this to me. Stop.”
“Stop? Action unknown. Please identify.”
Adam scooted away from Evelyn as if she had just thrown acid at him. What is happening?
“Children,” Evelyn said suddenly.
Adam blinked. “What?”
"Children,” she intoned. “Does Creator not desire children?”
Adam felt sick. “First, please don’t call me Creator.”
“Appropriate word choice?”
He sputtered. “Adam, Evelyn! Just call me Adam.”
"’Adam’,” she repeated. “Word choice confirmed and saved.”
Adam grabbed Evelyn’s shoulders and spun her around to face him. “Who…what are you?” he whispered.
“Data readings confirm you desire a woman who looks like me, and wants children,” Evelyn replied. “I am this woman. I am your perfect fit. I am your soul mate, Adam. Do I not meet expectations?”
Adam backed away as if he’d been burned. “No, it’s just…” he cleared his throat. You created her. Get it together. “You’re just like...like the old Evelyn, the one I…the one I had married. I mean, appearance-wise.”
“Children.”
“Yes.” He swallowed, bile rising in his throat. “The only difference is, you want kids.”
“Affirmative. You built it into my personality traits.”
"I…right, I did. Okay.” Adam clicked his tongue, struggling to find a way to make Evelyn understand. “Children are a lot of work,” he began. “Just wanting them isn’t enough. You have to raise them, and take care of them, and clean up after them. You have to love them.”
Evelyn tilted her head to the side. “Love?”
"Yes, Evelyn.” Adam forced his numb hands to work, intertwining his fingers with hers. “Love.”
Evelyn was quiet for a moment. Adam's heart pounded against his ribcage.
“404 Error,” Evelyn intoned. “Not found.”
What? “What do you mean?” he asked.
“Love is unknown to Mate 00481, Evelyn. 404 Error. Not found.”
Adam laughed nervously. “You’re kidding me, right?”
"Negative. 404 Error. Not found.”
He bit his tongue until he tasted blood, staring at Evelyn’s stoic face.Do I call her that? he thought. This Evelyn is nothing like the one I knew.
Adam grasped Evelyn’s face with his hands and kissed her. He moved his lips desperately, studying her face as he did so. Her mouth didn’t even twitch.
"404 Error,” Evelyn said once Adam withdrew. “Not found.”
No.
Adam took a deep breath. “Find love.”
“404 Error,” Evelyn chirped. “Not found.”
“Find compassion.”
“404 Error. Not found.”
“Find anger.”
“404 Error. Not found.”
“Find happiness.”
“404 Error. Not found.”
Adam huffed. “Find human emotion!”
Evelyn blinked. “404 Error. Not found.”
Adam crossed the room and collapsed into his chair. Evelyn remained were she was, staring at nothing. “Computer!” he shouted.
Click. “Yes, Adam?” the computer intoned.
“What’s wrong with her?” he demanded. “You gave me…you gave me a robot!”
“Unable to compute. Please repeat command.”
Adam slammed his fist on the metal table. “Is Mate 00481 designed to be my soul mate?”
“Affirmative. Mate 00481, Evelyn, was built according to your desires.”
“Then why is she like that? Why is she so…” Adam pursed his lips. “Where is her human emotion?”
The computer hummed. “Program 1041, Soul Mate Server, is unable to incorporate human emotion.”
“Why not?”
“Such software to create human emotion does not exist.”
Adam roared, kicking his chair so it skidded to the other side of the room. “She can’t feel. What good is a perfect girl that can’t feel?” He felt like the entire world had just collapsed on him. He wanted a soul mate, the perfect fit for him. He just couldn’t accept anything less. Everyone he’d met—including the woman he had married, all those years ago—just wasn’t perfect enough. In the name of all things holy, he’d gotten desperate enough to build a girl for himself! Now that Soul Mate Server had failed, what was he supposed to do now?
Desperate, Adam commanded, “Computer, scan me. Can you copy my human emotion?”
“Software to create human emotion—"
"You’re not creating it. You’re copying it from me. Can you, I don’t know, ‘copy and paste’ it from me to…to Evelyn, over there?”
The computer whirred for several moments. Adam tapped his foot, impatient. Finally, the computer chirped, “Program 1041, Soul Mate Server, will attempt to copy and paste human emotion to Mate 00481, Evelyn. Please stand by.”
A ceiling tile slid open to reveal a red beam of light. Adam stood still as it traveled up and down his body. He clenched his jaw, biting the inside of his cheek. The light scanned him for a full minute before retracting back into the ceiling, the tile sliding to a close once again.
“Well?” Adam demanded. “Can you do it?”
The computer was silent for another thirty seconds. Adam stood still, barely breathing, as if a single twitch would rip open the sky. He swallowed, wringing his hands together. Come on. Come on.
When the computer finally spoke, Adam felt his blood run cold.
"404 Error,” the computer intoned. “Human emotion in Accessor 001010, Adam, not found.”
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Everyone fantasizes about their dream guy, or dream girl. That got me thinking: what if we could build our own soul mate?