Act I, Scene II

In Burger King.
Romeo: Oh, Juliet, the artificial light brings such beauty upon thy face. The sound of your fake nails against the marble countertop drives my heart wild.
Juliet: Oh, Romeo. If only I had gotten your number. If only you worked here instead of at McDonald’s.
Romeo: Should I stay here, out of sight, or order? I will go.
Romeo walks up to the counter without making eye contact.
Romeo: Hello, can I get a- Oh, hey, Juliet. I didn’t know you worked here.
Juliet: Romeo! How good to see you!
Romeo: Shhh, we must talk in secret. If I were to get caught in a Burger King, my manager would have my head.
Juliet: oh, of course.
Romeo: So when we talked last night, I thought you were pretty cool and I was wondering if you wanted to go grab dinner tomorrow.
Juliet: I would love to! You swear that this is not some cruel joke?
Romeo: I swear by the chicken in your meals, this is no joke.
Juliet: Oh, do not swear by the chicken. It is artificial and unsanitary. Just Promise me this is not of cruel intent.
Romeo: I promise. (Turns to leave)
Juliet: Romeo!
Romeo: yes
Juliet: What time tomorrow?
Romeo: I don’t know. I’ll text you. (Turns to leave again)
Juliet: Romeo!
Romeo: what!
Juliet: you do not have my number!
Romeo: Oh, yeah. Here, give me your phone. (Puts in number) Text me.
Juliet: I will not forget. Good bye.
Romeo leaves. End of scene


















Act I, Scene 5

In burger King, behind the counter.
Juliet: Oh, I sent the nurse to McDonald’s an hour ago. What is taking her son long? Her lunch break is almost over!
Nurse enters.
Juliet: Oh, nurse! What did Romeo say? Oh, tell me!
Nurse: Hold your horses and stop calling me nurse! You give a customer a Band-Aid one time!
Juliet: Oh, tell me what he said.
Nurse: Can’t you see that my body is weary? Make yourself useful and get me a coke, why don’t ya?
Juliet gets the soda.
Juliet: There, now tell me what he said!
Nurse: Can you go to McDonald’s during lunch break tomorrow?
Juliet: I can. Why?!
Nurse: Your dear, Romeo wants to take you out.
Juliet: oh, thank you, thank you, nurse!
Nurse: Any time.
Juliet runs out. End of scene.







Act 3, Scene 2

In Burger King.
Benvolio: C’mon, Mercutio. You know we’re not supposed to be here. If our boss caught us…
Mercutio: Relaaaax. How would he know?
Benvolio: Okay, but hurry up.
Mercutio: We have to wait for Romeo. We can’t just leave him.
They walk over to the counter.
Tybalt: Welcome to Burger King, how may I- Mercutio! Why are you here?!
Mercutio: How’s it going, Tybalt.
Tybalt: Where is Romeo? We have a bit of unfinished business.

Benvolio: What business?
Tybalt: He came to our grand opening party. Everyone knows that those employed at the inferior McDonald’s are never invited to our superior Burger King parties.
Mercutio: Oh, calm down. It’s just a party. He was probably just there for the free fries.
Tybalt: how did you know that we had free fries there?
Benvolio: (elbows Mercutio) lucky guess.
Romeo enters
Tybalt: oh, look. Here comes Romeo now.
Romeo: How, now, friends. Have you retrieved the chicken fingers?
Tybalt: Romeo! How dare you enter into this establishment! Do you not comprehend the insults that you bore upon this particular Burger King?!
Romeo: What are you talking about?
Tybalt: Oh, you know what I’m talking about. You, Romeo Montague, crashed our party and stole our free French fries.
Romeo: One cannot steal free French fries!
Tybalt: You sir have done so! I pray you. Leave this establishment at once or I will be forced to call my manager!
Romeo: Oh, come on. Can’t we just get some chicken fingers? We’re both fast food restaurants. Why can’t we just get along?
Mercutio: If you will not fight. I will.
Tybalt: You leave me no choice. En guard! (Pulls out a French fry and begins to fight Mercutio.)
They fight. Tybalt hits Mercutio in the eye.
Mercutio: Oh, come on man. You hit me in the eye!
Tybalt: Oh, man, are you ok? I didn’t mean to. I was aiming for more of the cheek area.
Mercutio: That’s it. I’m going home.
Tybalt: Yo, please don’t tell my manager.
Mercutio: Benvolio, help me to the car.
Mercutio and Benvolio exit.
Romeo: Dude. Not cool.
Tybalt: I hope that serves as a fair revenge.
Romeo: That was your revenge, now here is mine.
Romeo pulls out a straw and begins to fight Tybalt. Tybalt takes the straw and Romeo pulls out a ketchup packet and squirts Tybalt.
Tybalt: Nooooooo! My uniform! My manager is going to kill me!
Romeo: serves you right. Now we are even.
Tybalt: This thing is dry clean only. If my manager sees this, I’ll get fired! I gotta go!
Tybalt leaves.
Prince (Manager of Burger King): What’s going on out here?!
Romeo leaves.
Prince: Benvolio what happened.
Benvolio: Well, you see, Mercutio and I came in here for some chicken fingers ‘cause all we have in McDonald’s are those chicken nugget things and nobody like those and Tybalt is PMS-ing and all and freaks out on Mercutio. He goes all crazy for a second and blinds Mercutio with one of those long French fries that everyone likes, the ones drenched in salt, which just makes it worse. So Tybalt fells al bad, but Romeo’s all like, “Dude, not cool” and gets ketchup on Tyblat’s uniform-
Prince: You know those things are dry clean only right?
Benvolio: Yes, we know. So Tybalt runs away and Romeo leaves with the car so I am stuck here.
Prince: Well, I guess they are kind of even now… But if I catch Romeo in here again, he will find himself dealing with a very messy lawsuit.
Benvolio: Understood.
End of scene.