I can’t handle the truth anymore… It kills me inside I just want to feel like me again, I want to wake up and have a reason for living again, to realize life has a purpose, to become whole inside again. But I can’t something Inside has taken over me, I can’t Control it. Will someone hear my silent screams?

No, no one will hear me. They won’t see the scars on the inside, only the ones on the outside. You want the story do you really, okay here goes nothing. I’ll tell you what I think every night.

Why am I like this, why doesn’t God hear me. It feels like I’m alone, but at the same time not alone. I feel dark and a little voice in my head repeats negative things all night. He starts whispering the horrid things to me and I think quit it I’m trying to do stuff. But he’s an instigator, he starts talking a little louder and the words get meaner. I feel a chill go down my spine, I want to leave but he fallows me everywhere I go. Suddenly he starts to get louder, almost yelling but not quiet. He is horrible things; I’m shaking, my breath is short, I suddenly feel a tear go down my cheek so I run. To the shower but before I leave I grab my big hoddie and sweats and don’t forget the small razor in my drawer.

I Strip down to nothing and he whispers again how bad I look, how my stomach is getting bigger, about the moles in various places, about the little things no one would notice unless you looked very hard. But I see them, He sees them, he sees the scrapes on my wrist and feels reaction. All the sudden He pushes me into the shower and is screaming at me I can’t take it he says “Do It Do It cut your wrist just a little more than last time.” And before I know it there’s 6 new slices, I see the red flow from myself down the drain, and the Monster is done, I feel relief and I want him to stay away so I do it again before he’s back. The pain hurts but not as much as on the inside.


I put the blade back in its place and cover my arm in sleeves. The next morning I do it before the day just in case and no one see’s, they never will. I will smile and pretend I’m fine and wait for the next nightmare to happen tonight. With my friend the blade and his bud the monster.