This is my story up until now.
The days were long and the nights were short. The beginning of my sixth grade year came way too fast. I stared sixth grade in the fall of 2005. It went by so slow. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer in 2005. Hardest thing ever. By the end of my sixth grade year my mom had gotten a new job. Her job as a pipe liner required us to move a lot. By the end of my seventh grade year I had been to nine different states and seven different middle schools. Making new friends was always easy for me though. You seem to adapt to that kind of life style. The summer between my seventh and eighth grade year went by very fast. I was living in Eden, Wisconsin. I started up my eighth grade year at Campbellsport Middle School. Everything was going great for a couple weeks, until one Sunday afternoon. My mom answered her cell phone, waited a moment, and just tears started rolling down her face. When she hung up the phone she told us the news. The cancer, that the doctor said was gone, was back and had spread rapidly though her internal organs. It was stage 5. My mom started packing that same day. We got everything together and headed back north. To our home that we had forgotten. Our first stop was my grandma’s house. I remember my mom just holding her. She knew, along with everyone else, that she would soon lose this fight and leave us. She was getting weak. I knew. No one could tell me everything would be ok when I knew it wasn’t. I went back to school in October. By the time December came my grandma laid in bed like a vegetable. She was nothing. She wasted away. She didn’t talk, eat, or move. I stopped going to school when that happened. I had to stay with her. I just had too. On December 10th, 2008, my best friend took her last breath. I watched her. I looked right at her when her heart just stopped working. I held her had. I felt it go cold. I hit my knees. And died.
I started eighth grade back up again in February. I asked everyone not to say anything about her to me. I asked them not to say their sorry or I can’t believe that happened or I know how you feel, because you don’t know how I felt. No one knows until they have gone through it. I couldn’t even stand hearing her name. It brought me to tears. I can’t even go to the house she lived in for so many years. I can’t go to the town she lived in. I still can’t. She was my best friend. I told her everything. I was in shock, overwhelmed, upset, and completely shattered inside. My whole world collapsed. I wasn’t happy anymore. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. All I saw was black.
By the time my ninth grade year rolled around I hated everyone and everything. I saw no joy in life. So I sought comfort in things such as drugs, drinking, and sexual acts. Feeling a boy next to me was the only comfort I felt. I hate admitting that to myself to this day, but it was. I was sitting on the stairs at my school waiting for the after school activity bus to arrive. A boy came down the stairs and sat right across from me. We will just call this boy Tommy. Well tommy introduced himself. He was a junior. Seventeen years old. Gorgeous. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth for days. We even hung out a couple times after school. Well it escalated. We started making out after school. Well let’s not get into detail but one day after school we went up to the “attic” of the school and he laid down his jacket and yeah. I thought it was love. We were talking a lot then. But one day everything changed.
Know before I start this, I just want you to know I absolutely hate talking about this. I hate thinking about this. I hate myself for this even though I know it wasn’t my fault. I wanted to share this with you because I want the people who have gone through this to know they’re not alone. They’re not the only one. And this isn’t their fault.
One day after school my “friend” Tommy couldn’t stay after school to hang out. Well I was walking around the school waiting for 5:30 to roll around for the after school bus to come get kids and bring them home. I was walking towards the back part of the school buried in my cell phone. The vice-principal of the school noticed me walking but following me closely behind me was a boy we will call Robert. Know Robert is a boy who likes younger girls for some reason. He was a senior. 18 year old. I guess there was rumors going around the school on how he would take girls into the bathroom and have sex with them. But I wasn’t one to judge another. Well she noticed. And got the wrong idea. She called my mom and the police trying to catch Robert having sex with underage girls. But they never caught him. The police went through my room, my locker, my everything. They read my notes and hacked onto my Facebook and MySpace page. They never found anything about Robert. But they did about Tommy. Me and him were talking on Facebook about what had happened and decided that we shouldn’t tell anyone. The next day I was pulled into the back room of the office to talk to an investigator. He told me to tell him the truth. Tell him everything what had happened. He told me Tommy confessed and that he said I meant nothing to him. I still wouldn’t talk. But they knew it happened. I knew they knew. Tommy was expelled from school and convicted of statutory rape of a minor because I was fourteen and he was seventeen. I was ruined even more. The hardest part of this whole story was that I was blamed for what happened. It was my fault. I would walk around the halls and someone would throw something at me and scream WHORE. I was tormented every day. I had people push me and kick me in the back of legs and scream out hurtful words. I hated life. Tommy still too this day tells me it was my fault. I was the one who caused it. He won’t talk to me. I started to believe these things after a while. I broke down to my mom. I just cried. I was nothing anymore. I felt like I had no one. It was a disaster. People are evil. I had to leave school. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I can’t believe I let people destroy me like that. I should have never let anyone walk all over me. I am a new person now. I chose what I do wisely. And to be honest you should be too. Don’t ever let anyone walk all over you like that. Don’t run like I did. But now in the graduating class of 2013, I see things different. I can look back and forgive those people. I’ve thrown the past aside and heading for a future. And for all of you who have gone through this I know how you feel. You not the only one. I’ve gone through this too.