At first | Teen Ink

At first

July 30, 2013
By Anonymous

There is a boy I knew
Who would try to fit in
With skater hoodies
Who grew out his hair
But then the kids teased him
But that was at first
And at first doesn't last long

There is a boy I knew
Who would try to fit in
With skater hoodies
Who grew out his hair
And dyed it blacker than his empty eyes
But then the kids teased him
And he wore long sleeves every day
And sat alone in math class
Sometimes I would talk to him
But he was empty
And empty can last a while

There is a boy I knew
Who would try to fit in
With skater hoodies
Who had hair darker than the costume closet
That hung over his eyes, empty as the stage after a rehearsal
And sometimes he'd try to talk
But then the kids teased him
And he wore long sleeves every day
And sat alone in math class
And behind me in theatre class
And sometimes we would make out on the empty stage
Or the dark costume closet

Between the coats
We were unloved
We were quiet because they made us that way
But we had loud minds
I don't really know why we did what we did
But we were lonely
And lonely can last a long time

There is a boy I knew
Who would try to fit in
With skater hoodies
Who had very very black hair
And very very red wrists that were a mirror image of mine
And I was as broken as the crackly microphones that were used until they weren't and then they were kept in a drawer as if they'd get fixed on their own
And sometimes I'd talk
But no one listened
And no one cared
And everyone left me
Including the boy I knew
Who wore long sleeves every day
And eventually his arms were wrapped in bandages
And they put him in a fluorescent hospital
When I would walk to the empty stage
Or dark closet
I would hope that they could make him better
And I wished that he could talk and he wouldn't get flashes anymore
Because I did every day
Sadness can last a very very long time

There is a girl that nobody knew
And nobody cared about
Who didn't talk much
And wore long sleeves every day for some reason
She didn't talk in math class
Or any other class
People took advantage of her
And she let them
Because she wasn't significant
Nobody knew what her arms looked like
But if they did
They
Probably
Wouldn't
Care
Because if a kid in a school was bleeding and screaming over the sink, does anybody choose to hear it?
And if someone's friends turn against them, or if someone is lost, does anyone ever remember their existence?
Because nobody heard her
And nobody heard that boy
Maybe someone had cared at first
But at first doesn't last long



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