I always thought cyber-bullying was kind of a cop out. Why bully someone behind a screen? What joy could it possibly bring the bully? It’s not like they are getting satisfaction out of watching there victim? The victim is behind the screen. It made no sense to me. Because of this, I had no sympathy really for the victims of cyber bullying. How could it be any worse than actual physical bullying? Of course not, I thought. I saw it like this, if someone is being bullied online just leave the area in which the bully is, or block them if they are using a social networking site. Easy as that right? Not right…

When I was 16 I was completely all over any social media site I could get my hands on. I had just discovered the world of Facebook. I abandon my old obsession of MySpace and moved on to the next big thing. Almost all of my friends had a Facebook account. Not wanting to miss out on all the fun I made one. For a while I was completely obsessed. Posting countless upon countless of photos of me posing in various ways. I aimed for more and more likes. It was exciting and exhilarating.

As a 16 year old I found that I didn't have the best luck when it came to puberty. I was hit hard by it, attacked especially by the dreadful puberty in the most vulnerable of places; my face. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE knows what puberty looks like when it’s on the face. A simple way to put it is pimples, and boy did I have a face load of them. So much so that it caused me to be quite a shy person on the outside. I wore my bangs slung across one eye and wore a couple tons of makeup. I did anything I could to cover up my blatantly obvious flaws.

But when I discovered the glorious world of social media, I found it easier to open up. In my Facebook world, there was a thing called editing. I used it to my benefit and every last demon flaw that was painfully etched across my face, disappeared and no longer existed. Editing became my best friend and allowed me to be the girl I was deep down inside. A girl who had confidence, loved the skin she was in, and who was the furthest away from shy one can be. Because of this new found strength, I posted a good amount of face photos of myself without a second thought.

It had occurred to me once or twice that the people from my school and from whom I was friends with on Facebook would know I was definitely using some sort of editing to rid my acne. But I hadn't thought anyone really minded because of all the likes I would get on each photo. In fact the likes encouraged me to use the editing for every single picture where my face would appear.

One day I had went on a picture spree and posted a dozen new photos of myself that I had taken the night before. I felt a great satisfaction as I reviewed each flawless photo and hit the Upload button. I closed my laptop and went to bed with a smile on my face knowing that when I awoke I would be greeted by an arsenal of likes.

When I awoke the next day I was not only greeted by the Likes but also a new friend request. When it came to friend requests I accepted them like a child would accept candy. It didn't matter who the person was I gladly accepted the invite. This particular invite was a bit different from my others. The profile picture of this person was a famous male singer. The person had no friends at all but apparently was enrolled in the same school as I was. The name on the profile page was also the same as the picture. Usher. I found it a bit strange that the person had no friends but since I saw they went to the same school as I did, I accepted the invite without a second thought.

Later on that day I got a text message from my boyfriend. He told me that I should check my Facebook page. Curious, I logged on and was greeted by a mess of notifications in the notification center. Upon clicking them I saw that this new person I had friend requested had been commenting on my boyfriend’s wall and had tagged me to the comment. I read the comment and immediately became horrified. This “Usher” person was asking my boyfriend why on earth he decided to date someone so hideous. I saw my boyfriend had responded angrily that he thought I was beautiful and that he will be deleting the user ASAP. Outraged I private messaged this “Usher” and demanded what their problem was. They replied almost instantly with

“Well it’s simple. I find you hideous :)”

I shook my head not knowing how to reply to this strangely hurtful comment. Although I was plagued with the curse of acne, a lot of the people in school didn't bother me. I had a small tight circle of friends who saw me more than the girl with acne. They accepted me and had no problem with it. Since I only associated myself with these friends, I didn't really bump into much drama.

I called my boyfriend without replying to this mysterious attacker, and we talked in anger about who we thought this “Usher” person could be. As we were talking my laptop pinged multiple times alerting me that I just got new notifications. Horrified I glanced at them and exhaled angrily as I realized what was happening. I was being bullied.

I told my boyfriend I would call him back and I hung up and scrambled over to my notifications. Hurriedly I looked through them to see what I had in store for me now.
My attacker had posted on my wall, my photos and my friends walls. Each of the posts mentioned my appearance. On my photos (about all of them) was the comment

“Fake. Completely edited”

And on my wall my attacker was demanding I show my true self to everyone, my true pimple faced self. On my friends walls my attacker was commenting about how they felt about me lying and editing my photos to make myself appear like this beautiful person that I wasn't.

I was mortified. I felt my confidence breaking and shattering around me. I felt my walls caving in and my eyes beginning to swell. Even as my friends started defending me, the tears still warmed in my eyes and cooled as they streamed down my face. Each torturous comment after the other, a new tear would fall and a new wall broken down. I stared at my computer screen as I was spammed and harassed. I did nothing for a while. I remember just staring and growing angrier and angrier by the minute. My tears and sadness turned to rage and hate. Who was this person?! How dare they?! A new found emotion brimmed inside me. I was going to defend myself! This person will not break me!

I wiped away my tears and stretched my fingers. If this person wanted a fight, I was going to give it to them. I joined in on a wall fight that had erupted on my wall. All my friends were defending me and my attacker was amused and throwing out more and more insults at my expense. I refused to read most of the comments; it would only hurt me and break me down. Instead I wrote

“I don’t know who you are, but clearly you are a coward hiding behind that profile picture and that computer screen. I don’t know why you decided to attack me but I don’t care. I refuse to let you hurt me anymore. I am deleting you. Perhaps you’re the one who is hideous and decided to take it out on me. Whatever your reasons are, I hope you come to peace with them. But for now, screw off!”

And with that I deleted the person off my page and sighed in relief. I had gotten the last say and felt alright for the most part. But to my horror I forgot that even though the person was deleted from my page, it didn't mean they couldn't still private message me. Not even a second after I deleted the attacker, a familiar ping sound erupted from my laptop alerting me that I had received a message. I remember staring at the unopened message for a while completely dreading opening it. I knew I didn't have to. I could just block the person and be rid of them for good. But a small annoying voice inside me told me to open it and face this person head on. I knew I shouldn't. I knew that ignoring this bully would make him or her go away. But I gave into the voice and I opened the message. I regretted it almost immediately.

“You little (insert curse word here)! I’m a coward yet you are the one here who has deleted me. And I know why you did it. Your boyfriend is a fool. I don’t know what he sees in you. All I see is a pimple faced freak. You’re not pretty, not even close. The reason I don’t have a profile picture is because I don’t want you to see how beautiful my girlfriend is compared to you. I laugh at how pathetic you are. We both do. All the friends on your list are pretty people. They only befriended you because they feel bad about you. We all laugh when you post pictures because we know you edited them to hide your disgusting true face. Please go kill yourself before you breed”

Not even halfway through the horrible paragraph did the tears pour like waterfalls out of my face. I slammed my laptop shut and like it, I completely shut down. I cried for a long time. All my insecurities were in my face and yelling at me. “Hideous, ugly, pimple faced freak!” They yelled simultaneously. I couldn't handle it. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this? I began hating myself, hating the scars left on my face from my popping binges, hating the pimples that made me feel ugly, and hating my genes for cursing me with acne. But the thing that I hated the most was the cyber-bully which before this incident I didn't even believed existed. After my crying episode was over, I logged on and without a glance at the absurd amount of messages I had, I went onto my attackers profile and blocked him. I deleted the 15 messages he left me without reading them.

I logged out, climbed into bed and stood there with tears streaming down my face until I convinced myself to get over it. I knew there was nothing I could do to punish my attacker. If I reported him to Facebook, the most they could do is delete the profile. But that didn't feel like justice to me. That person could easily remake one and do exactly as they did with me, to another person. Feeling defeated I had no choice but to put it in the deepest part of my mind and leave it there.

To this day I still think about it sometimes. It took me a couple weeks to get over it. I remember obsessing over who I thought this person could be. Thankfully after I blocked him, he never bullied me again and the profile was deleted by whoever started it. I didn't talk about it, I didn't discuss it. I pushed it away.

Cyber-bullying is real and possibly more dangerous than physical bullying in my opinion. Physical bullying can be brought justice. The person can go to juvenile hall, get suspended, etc. But cyber bullies are not so easy to find. Sometimes they are never found and get away with it over and over again. My advice to those that are cyber bullied is, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Too beautiful to let this bully break you down. Don’t try and fight them, it’s what they want. As soon as it happens, be the bigger person. Fight them with the block button; fight them with the power of ignoring. At least with cyber bullying ignoring them works. Talk to your friends. Find comfort in the ones who love you and know how beautiful and amazing of a person you are. I know without my close circle of friends, I wouldn't have been able to get over it. Time heals all wounds. Don’t dwell on it. And most importantly, keep your head high. There is a reason the bully is hiding behind the screen.

Thank you for reading about my cyber bully story. And together, maybe we can all beat it :)