I had two friends before. I was greedy, I wanted more. Once I thought if I did this I would have all the friends in the world. Now I have none.

Some might call it karma, others life, but I was just trying to fit in. Some might say I deserve to die, others that I deserve redemption but I just want my friends back.

It was a in the moment thing. I was mad. Why does it cause so much trouble. Just a few messages. And now she's dead. No one remembers the things that are said, but written down, there for the whole world. It's different.

I thought I couldn't be touched. I was on my way to the top. No one would stand in my way. I thought that hard work will get you anywhere. But being at the top doesn't matter, not if you shoved people down to get there, not if how you got there was corrupted.

I should have gone up to her at lunch. I should have sat with her. Talked with her. Laughed with her. Instead of laughing at her. Now I think I would have sacrificed all my friends just to have her, it would be better than the guilt now. Better than the feeling that I killed her. That I was there, and that I shoved her off that bridge. Better than the thought that I'm no better than the murderers in jail right now. Better than the looks I get, better than the friends I've lost.

Instead of her going to the creak alone I could have gone with. Told her that it will be ok. That today's not the day. That she had years and years of living left. That she could be anything she wanted when she grew up. That she would make it farther than any of us bullies. Now all I can do is talk to her grave.

If there was something anything I could do to take it all back, I would do it in an instant, because her life means more than mine if mine was all about making people feel bad.

If there was one thing I would say to her, it would be sorry. I would say you are beautiful. That I was only doing it because I was oblivious. I cared more about the newest song than you. Why? Because that's life. But life's not suppose to go that far.

If there was one person I could blame, it wouldn't be my friends for encouraging me. My dad for giving me my phone. The teachers for not noticing. Her for being so perfect. If there was one person I could blame, it would be my naive self.