Not everyone gets a chance to tell their story but I am taking the turn to share mine.

Now it’s not one of those where I have suffered from a terrible life or death situation but it is one where I have realized that it gets better and it could be worse. It’s not one of those where I fall dramatically in love and then have my heart broken, but it is one where I watch it happen to others. It’s not one where I have been half died and saw hell but it is one where I’ve been able to help people  think that that’s not where they belong. Yes sure, You may think I am crazy but the great thing is, My mind doesn’t let me care. My story also isn’t one where you would be tremendously intrigued but it is one where I feel necessary to share it. Not for the sake of sympathy, but for the sake that maybe one day someone will read my story and I will be the reason they didn’t give up. Although when I say that, I do not mean me directly but my experiences and my outlook on things they themselves may be struggling through. As I have grown, though it’s only been a roller coaster of 14 years, I sit at my dining room table, autumn of 2014 and I watch as one by one leaves fall to the cold, dying ground. And as I watch, I know that they will never return back to that branch again. A short life lived and a fast death to come. The cycle would then repeat. It reminds me of an innocent girl walking through a crowded hallway. As her mother drops her off at school, she can only think of herself as dropping her beloved daughter off at a snake pit. Although she does not dare to voice her opinion. As the girl steps out of the car, she is filled with optimistic thoughts as she hopes it is a better day. One foot in front of the other, the girl cautiously walks towards the school. Trying to avoid eye contact, she rushes to her locker. Seconds short, the girl is stopped. Thrusted against the locker, her optimistic thoughts are drained. Word after word, the girl felt anger come over her. But she remembered her mother’s word, “Nothing can hurt you unless you give it the power to”. She just sank to the floor, never to return to the sad place she had been. She would stand up for herself this time. She would fight back. She had the power. No more draining words, no more bruises, nothing to fear, she had the power. She had it all along, though she was not educated on how to use it nor in the position to use it. But she stood up. She fought for herself. She showed no sympathy for her peers.  Slowly and then all at once, they let her be. Although she thought so. Soon after, new peers came. New bruises, new fears, new everything. It came periodically. And what the oblivious girl didn’t know was that it would come and go, on and off for several years…

The leaf, falling, dying. Then new leaves coming, repeating. The monotones cycle. Where was something going to alter? Would it ever? Would the girl always die inside? Would that leaf always fall?  In life you really don’t realize that when you pass, you lose something you came with and gained something you didn’t have. The words and the knowledge you learn from someone else is what you pick up and the words you speak into someone else is what they pick up.  You don’t control what you gain but you DO control what you give.

  Someone once asked me why I am so nice to people who treat me so poorly, and I didn’t know the answer. Then while I was in class, after I finished my test, I looked around and realized why. I saw the boy who made fun of me and saw that his head was on his desk, he looked tired. I knew he was in band and that he had to get here early. I wondered if something at home kept him up. Then I saw the girl who started a rumor about me and a boy. I realized that her and her boyfriend just broke up and that it must of been really hard on her. And I know that people were mean to her because she was a little different. Why? Then I thought of the boy who gave me a mean look in the hallway that day, what was his story? I knew that his parents are divorced, maybe something happened that day. I think of the boy who tries his best but the teachers always seem to forget about him, I don’t. I say hi to him in the hallway but he just keeps walking. I know that it takes a lot to feel accepted so I understood. I thought of the girl who was really mean. I try to talk to her but she snaps. I wonder if other people are being mean to her. You never know anyones story. And no matter what, no one has it easy. Society makes you think that you should treat people how they treat you. But if you do that, the days would be sad. Think of the stories that people hold behind them… they say a lot.

Once again I sit at my dining room table, as I now watch as the leaves change color. Fibernet green, to light green then to red, to orange, then to die a dirty brown. They cover the ground as would a multicolored blanket cover you. Thick, full, and yet empty. Empty in the sense that the leaves with die off and reveal the naked ground. As you will remove the blanket as time goes on. Scattered all around, the leaves show change. Change in time, temperature, aroma, and mood. It resembles change  as you grow.

  As the girl continues in life, the bullying comes to a slow painful stop, but what is to come is just the beginning of a world of change. What she knows to be her world now will drastically change if she takes one wrong step. Her sleepovers will become raggers, juice boxes will become alcohol, candy will become drugs, hurtful words will become cuts, and she will become what he said she would never be.Her friends begin to offer her things she does not want, but she knows she can never return to that awful place again. So she takes the drink, the pill, and she knows that they will except her. But does she except herself or things she is doing? All she cares about is that she is finally accepted. That she doesn’t have to worry about explaining the dark painful bruises anymore. She thinks, “my mom will never be able to see the pill or the drink as she could see the pain”. Once again the girl was oblivious. She saw everything. It hurt her more, more than the words, more than the bruises, more than the thousands of tears her daughter sheaded. Because now the girl was what she was afraid of. She started hurting other kids, calling them things, being the reason behind their bruises. Change had come over the girl. She became blind to the way she was acting. I use the word acting because she still would tell her mother how awful it is to be the source of someones heart aching pain, fear, sorrowfulness. There were many sides to the girl as there were many colors to leaves.

Now as I sit a watch from my window, Snow covers the ground. Cold, beautiful, and yet another change to come to the world. Stopping everything in it’s path. Much comes with the acceptance of winter, snow, hail, storms, and bitterness.

The girl was now alone. What she thought was cool and what would get her accepted, dug her grave for her. No one wanted to speak to the girl. Her peers remembered her hurtful words as so did she when they were said to her. But all she could think of is her mother’s word “Nothing can hurt you unless you give it the power to”. She would not let the new hate come over her. She would not let herself believe the things people told her she was. Her mind spinning, the girl returned to the place she started at. Everyone hated her, the things she did, and so did she. Looking into the mirror she saw the cold hard truth that stood in front of her. She was what she was afraid of. She knew that she couldn’t easily change how people thought of her. So she started a new chapter of her life.

As the snow melted, the slight sight of green sprouted through. Flowers bloomed, rain washed away the last of the snow. The sun made a brighter appearance, and new change came to the world.

The mask that the girl wore over her pureness started to crack off and revealed the real girl again. Her friends started coming back to her. And for those of her friends who were still hurt, she did what he needed to do to show that she was sorry and that what she was acting of was not who she was not anymore. The girl showed a more peaceful appearance, one that everyone loved to see. Yes, the girl still had some hardships that he needed to be worked through but that came with everything.

Sde was the girl that believed what goes around comes around, and she knew that because as she bullied others, it came back to her. She was the girl that hoped for a better day. She hoped the bullying would one day end. She was the one that would not give up. She was so persistent on making amends with those who she hurt. She was the girl that still smiled when she knew what was to come when she walked into that school. She was the girl that would pick herself up every time she fell, and now, she helped pick others up too.

Because the girl knew that the only way to learn was to fall. She fell, all the way down. She knew the feeling of pain. She helped others not feel it. She helped others believe, she helped others stand up for themselves and when they couldn’t, she would. The girl knew that life was a cycle and that everyone was going to go through it. But she also knew that she could do something to stop the cycle from happening to everyone. That was her story. Though it’s not quite done, that’s because she has many chapters to come and hopes that she came spread herself like the blanket of leaves to others story and be the reason they didn’t give up.