Red room

The silence was maddening.

The icy breeze was unsettling.

The four walls were suffocating.

She lay on the bare floor. Letting out slow, quiet breaths. She knew how dangerous it was here. She felt it happening again.

Her breathing became rapid and forced. In and out. In and out. The slow breathing was only a façade of tranquility.

Clenching her jaw and shutting her eyes the walls closed upon her. Her body writhed around as she tried to contain it. Her hands moved across her whole body. Her hands tightened around the top hairs of her head and she pushed her hands inwards; failing to crush the thoughts in her mind away. Her hands moved down her face and her hands pierced into her cheeks like nails on a chalkboard. A liquid began trailing behind. Blood or tears, or both; she didn’t care. She pounded her head on the hard floor and her hands moved downwards. Her hands wrapped around her thighs and her tears hit the floor.

She sat up and a moment of calm passed over. She focused on the short breaths. It was only a moment. The feeling inside her was unbearable. This knot was exploding inside her and she needed it out now.

She wailed at the wall. The silence of the plain white wall taunted her silently.

Hearing her shrill, pathetic screech echo fueled her anger. She swung her head into the wall. A deafening echo bounced across the walls. Again, she pounded her fists. Again, she pushed her body against it. Again, she collided with the wall. She kicked her leg against the flat surface. She heard the crack before feeling the pain. For a spit second, she felt hope; believing the wall had broken down.

Even so she was content for the moment. She felt the blood pumping in her veins. It was pounding at her shin. She felt the blood seeping from her injury. The breakdown took all the energy from her body and mind. Her eyes felt heavy and she sunk into sleep.

She believed she was still dreaming when her eyes opened. A muffled sound came behind the walls. Pushing her body towards a wall she pressed her ear against it. She strained to hear, but it was as if they were talking underwater. Her hand covered her mouth; knowing even a breath would alert them that she was here. Her body had turned into a statue, against her will.

Finally, a breath escaped. She sprang into action. She pounded on the wall and the muffled sound seemed to get louder. Her adrenaline began to rush forwards and she laughed. Except her laugh didn’t make any sound. Thrown off, but determined she yelled out towards the sound. Nothing. She said anything that came to her mind. A jumbled mix of “save me” to “let me back in”. Nothing. She knew that she able to talk, but her throat shut closed. She wailed nonsense at the wall. Again, nothing.

It was as if she was at war with her whole body and mind. She knew who was winning but, carried on. She could hear the sounds in her head, but they never made it out. She wasn’t aware of the sounds disappearing behind the wall. If she did, then she simply didn’t care. She kept on trying to scream for as long as she was able, because once she stopped, she would know for sure their sounds had disappeared as well.

Her throat was raw when she finally stopped and laid on her back. She tilted her head to the left and looked at the wall through her puffy eyes. A circle of tears formed by her head, that left strands of her hair hard. She trailed the red streaks on the wall with her hands. Red streaks splashed the bland wall to life. Four beautiful spots in a line where her knuckles had hit. A trail of red color had fallen onto the floor. She had never noticed the rough texture of the wall until the red showed all the details. She closed her eyes and for once she wasn’t alone with the four walls. She didn’t focus on the icy breeze. She forgot about the silence. She imagined the intense red color and focused on every detail.

As she began to sleep, the memories began to slip away, and the red color disappeared from the walls.