When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a princess. Every girl thinks of that once in a while. Either a princess, a rockstar, a moviestar, or something special.

When I grew up, my dad was always away on business. He would come home, pack, and leave again. I would always get upset because i never saw him. He was always gone. Sometimes instead of pretending I was a princess, I would pretend my daddy was with me.

Years later, I realized that something was wrong with my dad. When we was home, he was drunk. Always drinking. He wa always too rough and played around too hard, especially after his couple of glasses of wine.

My mom and I, along with my brother and sister left my house a few times to try and show my dad that his alcohol problem was making us want to run. I used to be so immune to running that I mastered it. Finally, we noticed it wasn't going anywhere.

I started self-mutilating myself. I cut anytime i couldn't deal with the pain. I used to snap rubber bands at dinner, at family parties, because i couldn't deal with the pain of my dad fading away. I thought about suicide because I thought it was better then living with an alcoholic.

I cut myself over my dad for almost 4 years. Then things progressed and my dad stopped for a little while. He calmed down when we started embaressing him by going ot A.A. which is a program set up for people to talk about people with substance abusers in their family. It help and things went back to normal.

Once we thought we was finally done, he started again. We realized we can't help him, and we live by the serenity prayer and the 12 step program.

You can not help people who don't want it. You can only help yourself. Never get yourself to the state where you have to run away. and never tell yourself it's your fault. It is not your fault. Whenever you feel as if there's no hope, keep holding on. Besides, what's the point of ending your life when you don't know what's around the corner.