Introduction: Last spring, I made a documentary film titled “Bulimia: An American Teenager’s Last Resort” for my Humanities class’s Capstone project. Before last year, I didn’t even know the differences between the several types of eating disorders. I only gained interest about a year ago when I first realized that my friend was throwing up after meals. She hid the disorder even from me, until she knew I had found out. When I told her last spring that I had decided to do my Capstone project on bulimia, she laughed hysterically, and volunteered herself as an interviewee. She is 19 years old, and is going to college starting this fall. She wishes to remain anonymous. I cannot thank her more for letting me interview her; my film was made almost perfect with an addition of a first-hand account.

Q. When did you first start, and what was the trigger?
A. I first started last May (2013). I literally ate too much one night, and I don’t know why it came to mind that I could throw it up if I wanted to, but I tried it anyway. Nothing came out then. I tried it again the next day and that’s when I started. At first, I did it to lose weight, but later on, I didn’t choose to want to do it anymore, I just had to.

Q. When do you throw up?
A. Usually, I only do it after particularly big meals, or specific meals. That means any time I have pizza, eggs, and sometimes, Chinese food. But after throwing up so often, I now feel nauseous eating any kind of food. When it was really bad last year, I would throw up even after having a single apple.

Q. I know you stopped throwing up at one point. How and why did you stop?
A. Well, I eventually got sent to the health center to meet with a counselor. I had to meet her so often that she told me that my condition is impacting some girls in the dorm and I had to stop if I didn’t want to go on a health leave. I told myself that I was choosing to stop, but in reality, I stopped mostly because I had to. It lasted about three weeks before I started again.

Q. When you stopped, did you resort on other methods to lose weight?
A. Yeah. I basically stopped eating. I didn’t have breakfast, had a very small lunch, and had a somewhat decent dinner. Also, I would mostly drink water, to feel less nauseous. My counselor told me some tricks, too It’s going to sound really weird, but I would hold ice cubes in my hand, just so I could focus on another pain rather than nausea.

Q. Are there any other factors that made you want to lose weight other than your urge to eat a lot (a.k.a binge-eating)?
A. Yeah. I had a really bad break up last spring. There was a point when…. he called me fat. I took it really badly. I had already started throwing up then, but I could still control myself. I think his words pushed me over to the ‘having to do it’ side. Obviously now that I think back on it, I don’t know why I would care so much.

Q. When you’re eating a lot, or binge-eating, do you feel a loss of control?
A. Yeah. I can’t stop. I literally can’t stop eating. But in my mind, its okay because I know I’m going to throw it up. Sometimes I’ll even plan it ahead. Like, if I eat this, I can also eat that if I throw up before hand. Isn’t that weird? (she laughs)

Q. Have you lost a lot of weight?
A. Throughout last summer, I lost thirty pounds, which I know, was a lot. I wouldn’t say it was only from throwing up. I did work out way too much and ate close to nothing. During fall, I continued to lose weight, because I was still throwing up after meals and playing a lot of soccer. In the winter I stopped working out and my weight has kind of leveled out since then.

Q. Do you feel like you need to lose more weight?
A. Um, yeah. I would like to. Regardless, maybe this is just in my mind, but I feel like that wouldn’t work out for me because it would just be so unhealthy. I do it because this has been the most efficient way of losing weight, or at least maintaining my weight. I know it sounds really stupid, but in my mind, healthy diets take like two years for you to noticeably lose weight. With this, I know that if I wanted to, I could lose ten pounds in like two months or so.