he said it. he actually said, to the entire parish, that homosexuals should "keep it private, not public." i, too, believe in the sanctity of the church, but civil unions don't need to be religious, and he very clearly referred to both unions and marriage. my very own pastor…i'm speechless. breathless, actually. my mom was sitting next to me, and she couldn't look at me. did he realize that some of his parishioners that day were homosexuals? probably. did he care? probably not. i couldn't handle the fact that the entire church probably agreed with him, for the most part. the local leader of my religion just publicly slammed the people of my sexuality who were eager to show their love for one another in a more serious way. torn between religion and self-interest, i left the church confused about my personal beliefs. would it be hypocritical, or rather frankly idiotic, if i was a gay teen who didn't support gay marriage? what if i was a catholic who didn't hold that strongly catholic belief? which was i most "loyal" to? i had been raised catholic, but i had recently understood my sexuality. my religion, now, started to choke me; i'm force fed by my mom, who wants me to finish confirmation because she wants to pass it down to me and because she wants me to have a set of beliefs and morals and values that she thinks will lead my life into the "right" direction. it's truly upsetting, and i just wish that she would stop beating on my eardrums for just twenty seconds, so i could show her from my perspective for once.

And Then, I Could Finally Take A Breath.