fourteen wishes, fourteen hopes, fourteen dreams.
blow out that cake and eat a small bite.
because you wish to be kaia gerber and have skinny thighs and be pretty.
and you’ve heard the girls discuss how 
“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”
because they believe that any size other than size medium isn’t pretty.

watch as the president’s weight is criticized more than his policies
and how the calorie counting apps are popular in eighth grade.
fifteen comes quickly.
see the girls in your class obsess over every single grade
and every little detail
notice how the guy you like doesn’t like you
and feel the pain when he dates her.
your new anthem becomes 

“Dancing On My Own” 

all the edits you’ve watched for the past four years
the filters and only the happy moments
because “the best is for the gram”
and see how it takes three hours to decide whether or not to post a photo. 
sweet sixteen, silly sixteen, take a chance sixteen
halfway to 32
think that you’re half a millennial 
yet you feel like one.

it’s watching Blossom instead of Jane the Virgin
and playing old songs from the eighties
and sixteen fades away like the windy day in the convertible
seventeen :: dancing queen :: one year to an adult
but you want to be older
just like the upperclassmen you admired.

stressful seventeen
find the derivative like it’s the key to peace in a chaotic ecosystem.
serious seventeen.
being in a tiktok that you don’t even know the moves to
but the laughs are too good 
like the sunshine that reflected when you rowed
and the smiles on the faces when people land at LGA. 
eighteen years so soon.
an election missed by three months 
but a chance to be the future when the clock turns
a new place carved for your feet.