I don’t know how to start to communicate with you, so I’m just going to try my best. Ever since I was a little kid, I thought about how the world has prejudices and all. I grew up fast and I didn’t understand how to act around others. I just passed through, just wandering and never being able to stay. I thought about you, especially. 

I thought of you when I was happy, and even when I was seriously depressed. I looked to you, not even knowing completely about you. I was a little kid, I didn’t know who you were, I still don’t. I don’t know if I ever will. I’ve tried talking to you before, when I was alone, I asked why I have the pain I had, I didn’t know or understand why, when I was so young and trying to be so innocent, I was put through so many hardships and so much pain. 

My life was old before I could grow up properly. The reason I’m writing is because I still don’t know. I always ask why, and I can’t hear you. Either I’ve become deaf, or you’re not speaking. I want to know, and I need to know.

I need help, and I’ve never been afraid to ask. I need something in my life, to help lift me out of the sludge and slush of my life, to find a clean start, a new beginning where I can write my life, my story, my future, where I can get the life I’ve always wanted. Sometimes, I want to be creative, and I don’t have a set path or pattern to my life. I just want to be set free. I need to get rid of the heavy weights that lye on my heart, my chest, and over my shoulders, I want to be able to stand with a lightness that I have not felt in a very long time, now a days, I just got used to feeling so heavy.

I just don’t understand what you may gain from my losses. I hurt, I long for a love that has always been out of my grasp. Why am I put through this? I lived with my mother most of my life, and for all that time I tried to find my own path in life, but now I’m 16 and I’m with my dad, and I need to know what’s coming next for me. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen 5 of my 7 siblings, and I haven’t seen my mother in the same amount of time. I know 4 of the 5 are with my mom, but this life is unfair since I raised them since they were little…. Why am I put through this? If you are really there, then please just help me…