All the things I wish I would have said to you….
I have been pondering this idea of closure for a long while now, but it’s really not needed. People never change, and I don't want communication with someone like you. Right now you are useless to me, and I thank God that you broke my heart while you did. You dont deserve a goodbye, I hope you remember me as the girl I was.
You took everything I had and pretty much destroyed it, and that's okay. I forgive you for your wrongs, you in fact helped shape me into the person who I am today. I have learned to be independent, I have learned the depths of loneliness, I have learned to doubt everything, and what I thought was once for me I realized was only a teenage stupidity.
I want to thank you for everything, for listening to all my troubling times no matter how stupid, or boring, You were never one to express emotion but I always felt like it was okay to share mine with you. I don’t need that guidance anymore. I always wanted you to depend on me, but that day never came. I just  hope you can figure yourself out one day, because that is one of the most satisfying things that can occur in your life.
On the other hand, the overall amount of time that I wasted on you is ridiculous, even the time that i spend now pondering the possibilities of you thinking about me is completely unrealistic, but it is something I  think about. Do you regret anything? Do you even care? Did you ever care? It has always been one of my recurring questions I never got to ask.
I never really understood the A Day T0 Remember lyrics “you ruined my favorite records” until you did leave me, I couldn't listen to them and not think of you. For some reason everything became about you, and maybe because I was going through so much for the time being that I just needed one thing to focus on. I felt each day the world would just crash on me, and it was like that for a couple  months. Now I don't know your intentions for certain, but I was always curious if you even thought about me when you made your decision? I mean you didn't even wait a while to find someone new… where you talking to her when we were talking? what made her special enough to claim as yours?
My god, we could have been beautiful, but I see that the course of our known events happened correctly. You, darling, are so sleazy, oh the extent of my disgust that I have towards the person you've become is endless. If the day came where you realized you lost a good thing, I hope it crushes you and cuts you in the deepest way possible. I hope that other girls see you as the trash that you are, because you've lost everything that made you mine. No longer do you have ambitions or life goals or even a decent personality, you feel the need to look “cool” seeking approval in all the wrong places. You have changed my perspective of you mightily and I pray you can change it one day, but as I mentioned before people never change.
All the cliche breakup songs always, talk about finding someone like you and all this crap, but that's the exact opposite of what I want. Haha FORGET YOU MAN. I want a guy that tells me his feelings straight, someone that will hold my hand, a guy that will call me beautiful instead of “hot”. You were never enough for me but I was so blinded by this idea that someone was actually attracted to me that I flipped crap. I know now what I want, and what to avoid. I want a good christian boy, who loves God more than he loves me. I want to be intoxicated by his presence when we are not even touching. I want the good morning and goodnight texts that I always sent you. I want to feel appreciated. I want reassurance that everything that I feel is completely mutual, I don't want to play any more games. Lastly, I want to feel beautiful, not self conscious.
I need you to understand that I was in love with the person you used to be, not who you've become, and that is all i could ask you to remember me by. I only want whats best for you in life and I hope you realize that sooner than later. Good luck in life, and just remember that if you try you can succeed but your future is dependent on YOUR own works. I hope you find happiness and you learn how to treat a girl and eventually figure out that flirting is cheating. So have a great life, and maybe in the far future you will hear from me again.

While you were gone, a couple wise bands, family, friends, and my faith  taught me that I am okay, and to be alone is a blessing in itself I Just haven't found the one for me, and overall that it's better to find yourself than to commit to another.