Love.

An intense feeling of deep affection.

An emotional and physical attachment to someone.

The words “I love you” have more meaning than the commonly used word “hate”

The word “goodbye” means more than the first “hello”

The first “hello”

Hello.

A greeting.

The word that creates an entrance into someone’s life.

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I walked into Japanese carelessly laughing with my best friend. I scanned the room and there you were. Your ocean blue eyes, flaming hair and cherry cheeks were on me. And only me. I could feel you follow me to my seat, giving me the feeling of butterflies the size of elephants. You stared at me the whole class; I tried not to look but sometimes the pull was too hard.

“Adam...” I don’t remember what she said after that, I was put into a trance by the name of the boy whom wouldn’t take his eyes off me. Ms. Hoyer talks and talks and she is almost like white noise to me. Next thing I know the class is over and you disappear as if you were just a figment of my imagination. A Mystery I cannot solve without the missing piece… you.

This happens every day for about a month. My mind was with someone else but you were engraved into my heart like the tattoo I always wanted. Of the Forbidden Fruit of my life. I forced myself to ignore you once you started making friends and my life became a drama crime scene.

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One day we got new seats. Mine happened to be FAR away from my friend and oddly close to you. I could no longer ignore what I had for so long. Your stare was so strong that I couldn’t help but smile the whole class period. We had a little time to talk in between learning different letters in Japanese and you talked to me. That’s when you said it. The first hello.

“Hey; I am Adam.” you said it with such softness that each work made my cheeks more and more cherry blossom-like. I heated up like the sun heats a piece of metal in the middle of summer. That was just the first, hello, there were so many more to come.

The next day, another hello left your lips so aesthetically with a big playful smile on your face. You move your desk so the only space between yours and mine is a speck of dust. You spend the whole class making me laugh and making me strawberry red. By the end of the class, I have learned a lot… You just moved here. You have a few freckles on the sides of your eyes. Your hands are very warm. You have insane chicken scratch writing. ぴゅ(pyu) sounds like finger guns. Your snapchat is adam13rj. Like I said, I learned a lot. I never said it was about what Ms. Hoyer was talking about.

About an hour later you did it again. You said hello. I got the notification on my phone and I thought I was dreaming. The simple hello made me more animated than finding out I was going to be the team captain for my 6th-grade volleyball team. We talked. And talked. Next thing I know it’s been 4 hours and I haven't stopped smiling. That’s when I send the text, “omg it’s already 11! I didn’t realize we were talking so long.” you go silent for a minute. I think you might have fallen asleep or something after about 5 minutes and then… you text:

Adam: I have to tell you something.

Me: Okay? What's up? Is everything okay?

Adam: Yeah everything's more than fine. I just... I want to tell you something but I am scared.

Me: Scared? What do you think I will bite? Cause I can’t bite my phone but I do bite lmao… But you can tell me anything I am not one to judge for anything.

Adam: I like you… a lot The text nearly throws me off my bed. My heart races as if it were trying to be 1st place on a track run. I almost forget how to type when I try and say I like you too. When I do pressing send felt like pushing the button to my fate.

12:27 Am, November 17th, 2017:

Adam: Will you be mine?

Me: Yes.

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Kacey: Tell me about him what’s he like?

Me: He is sweet, funny, adorable, kind hearted, soft. He makes me feel like a queen while still making us equals and I love it. He really makes me happy.

Kacey: That’s great. I am glad he makes you happy. Just be careful Tattiana. I don’t want to see you get hurt.

Me: He would never hurt me.

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You hold me till the first bell rings. Being in your arms is warm, protective, and safe. You hold my hand tight to every class as if you were afraid I would run away if you didn’t. Little did you know I was doing the same thing.

One day you stayed after school and took me on a little drive around our city. We listen to country music as we drive through the trees of was now was going to be spring. It had been 5 months since you said your first hello.

It felt like a dream; Like something, you would see in the movies. The teenage love that always has its rough patches but they are inseparable. We were inseparable.

March 20th, 2018:

I am sitting in the one lunch I don’t have with you and I am talking to whom I found to be my Brothers from other mothers. Paige; my bowling buddy Paige, comes to me with a girl. Blonde, blue eyes, I had no idea who she was, but she seemed to know me.

“Tattiana can we talk over there… I have something really important to tell you.” the air around me feels still as the words leave Paige’s lips as she almost sounds nervous. I nod and move to the other end of the table where my brothers were sitting. Their conversating seems quiet when the girl opens her mouth to speak…

“I went on a camping trip with Adam and a few others over the weekend. We were drinking… a lot. And…” The girl keeps talking but I have already pieced together what she is trying to say. “ We hooked up…” The word leave her rose-tinted lips as if they were the answer to my entryway to hell. I can feel my heart sink into the food infested floor almost not beating anymore. I don’t cry. I don’t look at them. I just sit there looking at my food as if it’s the most satisfying thing in the room.

“Tattiana are you okay…” Paige tries to touch my back and comfort me but it's only uncomfortable and makes things worse.

“I umm… Just need to think… umm… please leave…” those are the only words I can seem to get out at the time and I take my food and go back to my seat. I don’t say a word to anyone the rest of the lunch and they leave. What was I thinking, I knew what we had was a dream. Nothing we had was real. It couldn’t be, it was too perfect. God, I am so stupid. Kacey was right, I should have been more careful.

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My brothers look concerned as my eyes start to water and I am awfully quiet almost all lunch. All I could think about was how after lunch I would have to see him. I’d have to face the man who did the one thing he promised he would never do. The man who cheated on me.

The lunch bell rings… I try to avoid seeing him in the halls by trying to get to Japanese as soon as I can. He still finds a way to spot me. I stare him in the eyes without saying a word and start to have puddles of water waiting to go down the stream of my face. I thought he would be confused and that it wasn’t true… but he knew exactly why I was like this. I walked around him and walked even faster nearly running to class. He tried to keep up in the wave of people in his way of getting to me only getting bigger as he shouts “I DIDN’T DO IT”.

I run to my seat crying; Ms. Hoyer is late as she usually is on Thursdays cause she works at the middle school usually. Our teacher, for the time being, tells us thinks nothing of it… until he walks in throws his bag on by his seat and storms out of the classroom saying nothing. I cry even harder when he leaves. Looking at no one. Talking to no one. I feel as though my heart was ripped out of me and thrown in a fire pit sending my soul to hell’s core.

You came back 45 minutes later and I never looked your way. Then there was a note being given to me by someone near you:

Tattiana I didn’t do it I swear whatever you

were told is not true. I didn’t cheat. I love

you. I would never do that to you. Please

don’t do this.

I almost started crying again but instead, I swallowed to tears of heartbreak and wrote back:

You lied to me. I have 3 people telling me the exact same

thing and your the only one who says it’s not true. I

loved you and trusted you. You promised me you would

never do that. You lied. And broke your promise. I am done.

I can’t do this.

There was no note back. No smiles the rest of the class. I leave in a hurry and rush to stay far away from you. My heart is shattered and my eyes are swollen from crying so much.

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I went to bed that night hoping that it was all a dream. Soon after finding out it was just the start to what would be 4 months of lies and pure inferno. To think I thought this would be the goodbye I thought it was…

Goodbye.

used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation.

Used to express the exiting of someone’s life, a short time or forever.