The last thing I remember is getting in the car. I was going out to lunch, Paola, Jenna and Sophia were all in the car with me. Jenna was driving her jeep, windows down, roof off, blasting music. I was having a conversation about basketball with paola, I have been playing since 2nd grade and i always talk about practice or how games went.  That's the last thing i remember. What happened? I'm so confused, why can't I move? Why can't I talk? I can hear everything, the beeping of machines, nurses coming in and out of the room, my mom sobbing and my dad trying to comfort her. I need to know what happened to me, im trying to think, as hard as I can. My brain is like a desert, no hope for life and empty. I don't remember anything, just the car, just hearing everybody laugh. I hear someone enter the room but its a doctor this time. 

With a concerned look on his face, he says, “ Mrs and Mr Woodington, I think it's time we discuss the options for Heather”

“W-wh-what do you mean options?” Mom asks with a shaky voice 

“ I'm going to have to be blunt with you, Heather has been in a coma for 6 months, we have done several tests that determined the level of brain damage she has is fairly extreme. Her body simply can't sustain anymore surgeries while in the coma and at this point, the chances of her coming back aren't great.” as the doctor says in his character voice

What no, Im awake, well… not awake, but, im here, I can hear you! Wait, six months? I have been in a coma for six months? Why am i just hearing everything now, why couldn't I wake up before? Questions run through my head at a million miles an hour, I can't take this, it’s too much.

“B-b-but doctor we can’t give up, your telling me there's still a chance so-”

“The chance is so small that it may not be worth the risk. The longer she's in a coma means the more in depth and severe her brain damage is, not only do we risk severe complications but, even if she came out fine the recovery would be tremendous.”

“She can recover i know she can, she's a strong girl,  she's my girl”

“ Mrs Woodington, with the length of this coma the recovery process would be extreme. We would have to teach her everything over again, how to write, how to spell, math, english, science, everything you can think of. There is no guarantee that she will ever regain those skills or be able to comprehend what you are trying to re-teach her”

I hear my mom sobbing, my parents being forced to make the biggest decision of their life and mine. I just want to wake up. I try moving, forcing my mind to move something and then I opened my eyes. I sit up and see myself laying on the bed. How is this possible, how am i looking at myself right now? All I see is a pale lifeless body, wires hanging from every which direction, a machine breathing for me, a tube in my throat that i'm assuming they used to feed me, the heart monitor beeping every 2 seconds, showing signs of life,  giving my parents what the doctor described as false hope. My head is shaved and wrapped, I had brain surgery but, for what? Not knowing anything is driving me more insane than the constant beeping of the heart monitor. My parents, they look different, their shoulders hunched over, dark bags under there eyes from their inability to sleep. My dad had a stern look on his face, clearly trying to hold back the tidal wave of emotion he was feeling. My mom clearly didn't have that much pride, her eyes were red and bloodshot like she had been crying for a week straight. It is all too much, I have to get out of here now. On my way out I noticed the doctor that just told my parents to pull the plug on me. He is tall, skinny but, young. I would say around mid thirties, imagine having to tell the parents of a 15 year old daughter that she most likely won't make it.I guess telling people bad news is his normal which explains why he had no emotion in his voice when he told my parents. He looked smart , like he actually cared about what he was doing which should be the case regardless of your profession. Looking at his face made me cringe, I just wanted to leave. 

I walk out of my room and I see ICU in big red letters. Have i really been in the ICU for six months? As I walk through the exit doors i contemplate everything i  just heard and witnessed. Is there really no hope for me? I mean, of course i have been in a coma for six months but is it because i'm so damaged or because on the inside I don't want to wake up and face reality. I inevitably start thinking about death. Am i ok with dying? What happens when we die? I thought about it for a little bit and I think I've come to understand the situation as best I can. I would be ok with dying, I think that not only have the doctors done everything they could but, my parents. What they have been through is something nobody could imagine, in a way, I feel guilty for it. No I didn't cause me to end up here but i've somehow become a burden to cause all their suffering. Of course i would like to go to college, meet the love of my life, have kids, be happy, but i suppose that never how it is. I look up from the dirty floor and see paola walk past. I immediately get up and start walking behind her. My dad meets her at the door and brings her to my room where im still laying, lifeless. She Came to visit me? After all the time I've been gone i would think that everybody forgot about me, like i didn't really exist. I want to hug her, i may not be able to remember much but i just feel how important she is to me.I can't hug her though, I can't do anything. I'm stuck in this “in-between” world where i feel like i'm being faced with the choice to fight or to give up. 

Paola sitting down on a chair asks, “how is she doing”

My mom responds with a look and then says “not good”

“What do you mean, what happened” asked paola with a concerned look 

“The doctor came in and told us it was time to make the decision. He said that we can  try to wait out the small possibility of her waking up and if she did, that she would never be the same, we would have to re-teach her everything without knowing if she would ever recover.”

“Omg that is horrible, he just came in here and said that?”

“Yes, i don't know what to do. If I fight for her and she wakes up, she has to go through so much, but shes my daughter it's in my genes to fight for her. I just don't want to put her through something that she doesn't want. A part of me thinks she would want to be let go and end the potential and current suffering.”

I see paola get up and leave the room. I could tell she had tears in her eyes, who wouldn't?  When she came back, her eyes looked exactly like my moms. I didn't want to see this, i don't want to be the cause of all this pain. If i go, if I die, it will all be over, but if i come back its happiness for a little bit then a lifetime of recovery. 

Hours go by, i sit in the room and just think. I look out the window, watching the birds fly by as the sun goes down. Around 8 my mom leaves to go get dinner. I see my dad looks at me, he grabbed my hand, the one thing that seemed to be left untouched. He leaned over and whispered, “Its ok to go, I understand if you don't want to fight anymore. It's ok to go.” A tear fell from his face and in that exact moment I wanted to jump up and hug him, I wanted him to know that I was still here, and that I'm ok. I don't want to die, I don't. I want to hug my parents again, i want my dad to walk me down the aisle, where i'll say “ I do” to the love of my life. I want to raise my own kids, take them to practice and help them with math homework. I decided, I don't want to go. I just don’t know how to get back to reality, to me. The first that that came to my mind was to lay back down but that just sounds stupid. So I sat and sat anxiously waiting or the moment. It seemed like it would never come, but then I took a minute to look at my parents, cuddling up next to each other, my mom sleeping on my dad's shoulder. I recognized the true love my parents had that even in a time of sadness they were ok next to each other and At that moment, everything went black.

All I could hear was the beeping of machines, I could feel everything, the tube in my throat, and this thing attached to my side. When I opened my eyes I saw where I was. A hospital? What happened? How long have I been here? In an instant I saw my dad stood up, nurses and doctors crowded around me. They all looked like they had just seen a ghost and immediately started unhooking the machines that I apparently no longer needed. Once I was able to see the rest of my body I realized something bad happened. My leg in a full cast with what looked like metal stick sticking out of my leg, my right arm in a brace. I couldn't really move anything but in the moment that I saw my mom walk into the room and drop the food she was carrying, i knew i was ok, that everything was going to be okay.