My heart consists of huge chunks of things I love to do. These include sports, acting, singing, family and friends, and many other activities. And when one of these chunks fall out, my whole heart suffers. It's like part of me died but the other parts are still living, struggling.

Softball happens to be one of these huge chunks. I'd been playing since I was 5(baseball at least, but that's the same thing). It's been a very important part of my life for a long time now. I really can't live without it, in a way. I used to not mind going to all the games and tournaments I had. But that was before...

I play on the Chicago Outburst, a traveling softball team. I just joined last year, so it's been a year. At first I only knew one girl, only because she went to my school. But after some practices, I got to know all of the girls and love them. I hate to say it, but it was more of a social event rather than a softball game. We all talked and laughed and had a great time, especially me. I was having the best time of my life. I can't think of a better time. We had sleepovers and pool parties and went to see movies and went to each others' houses. We were more than a team, we were a family. One that I thought would never be broken, ever.

So the season began, we started having practices. Then the boss of the whole league made practice jerseys that we had to buy for $20 per kid. The parents, specifically 2, hated the boss of the organization and all of her ideas. Therefore they held a meeting at one of their houses, one in which my parents, the head coach, and an assistant coach did not attend. I guess they had talked alot about the situation and what to do, and the outcome was going to change my life forever.

We were in the car going to a pitching lesson when my dad told me this whole story. He first told me the outcome. I remember the words exactly: "Everyone except you Lauren and Jess quit the team." That was all he had stated at first. I was shocked, but mostly confused as to why they would quit. How could they all quit?

Later on I learned more. The kids had no impact on this. It was all the parents' idea to leave, and they didn't even ask their daughter what they wanted. They just left. After all the trouble of trying to keep the team together, and they just leave. When I heard this, it felt like I had been stabbed.

Of course I cried. I had lost all of my best friends because of T-shirts. All of them went to different schools where I would never see some of them again. I saw these girls every freakin' day, and now I won't see them pretty much ever again. And it was all over T-shirts. T-SHIRTS!
Outburst was my life. It was my family aside from my family. They were my true best friends. They were the friends I had been waiting to have for a LONG time. Now, it all sucks. Me, Lauren, and Jess are all alone with the other girls, most of whom are freshman. Yeah, we'll have to start over, but none of us like starting over. Who would want to when all you can think about is your former team and how horrid it is now without them?

I hate going to practices now. My parents say to try and make an effort to talk to some other people. It's not that I don't want to, but it is in a way. I want my old team back. I'm furious that they left. It messed everything up. I don't want to talk to them because it's not the same, and it never will me. No one, NO ONE, not even my parents understand how much I loved Outburst, and they will never understand how much they took away from me when they all left.

So here we are, just the 3 of us, surrounded by all these new people, having to start all over again, what I dreaded most. I really wished that this had never happened. I wish that Eileen(the boss) never made those T-shirs. I wish that the parents were a little less furious with the organization. I wish that there was no meeting. I wish that the parents never had complained about anything in the first place. I wish I had my team back.

There's always a way to make it through things. I know that we'll make it through this eventually, somehow. It'll take a LONG time, something I'm not willing to do by all means. But I kind of have to, I really don't have another choice.

When my team left, it took a huge part of my life with it. I can still feel the whole where the softball part of it should be.

To this day, everyday I still recall the fun times we had. As I write this I am looking at the various colorful signs they had made me. It fills part of the hole thats engraved in me. But the rest will never be filled, ever.

Oh how I wish that none of this would have happened. But I can't do anything about it, not anymore. I'll just have to take one step at a time as I plan to move forward. Please wish me good luck as I take these steps toward a hopefully great future.
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