Flambes, Entrees and Court Dates: Your Guide to Being a World Class Chef | Teen Ink

Flambes, Entrees and Court Dates: Your Guide to Being a World Class Chef

May 6, 2016
By EvanHeiges BRONZE, Boulder Co, Colorado
EvanHeiges BRONZE, Boulder Co, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Congrats newly minted Chef,
Now that you have been hired, next comes your training on how to attract customers, cook safely, not get sued and make your establishment the Michelin 3 star restaurant you always wanted it to be. If you love cooking, chopping and microwaving, this is for you. Here are 5 steps to make you the next Gordon Ramsey!

1.Cook on the molecular level
Transparent ravioli, clear canapes and strawberry pepper spheres make for the ideal lunch. Toddlers and grown ups alike will love the flavor of ravioli with a transparent Jello coating and for dessert, mozzarella balloons.

2.Use fire
A little flambe never hurt anyone. Use flames to add flavor to your food. Proper flambe technique is to turn up the heat and throw your alcohol of choice into the pan, letting the flames do the work. And remember, this can work with every kind of food from pancakes to pannacotta.

3. Use Sugar!!!
Sugar has been proven to be as addictive as cocaine so why not use that to your advantage. What's more addictive that one tablespoon of drugs (sugar), two tablespoons of drugs! Double and even triple the amount of sugar in your foods, in your cakes, your waffles and even your stir frys!

4. Put hidden surprises in your customer's food
What's better than getting a prize when you find a marble in your food? Nothing!!! These special surprises in your customers food will make their day better and give them an incentive to eat their meal!

5.Don’t cook your meat
Do you know why sushi is America's fastest growing trend? Because they don't cook their meat! Sake Nigiri is rice and uncooked fish but you don’t see people dying from eating it. Soon all across the country, people will be eating raw chicken and steak like no big deal.

Congrats newly minted chef, now comes your time. Think creatively and bring you passion for food onto the table and the passion for paying checks to us. Send a check for 15.99 plus 500.99 to Gordon Ramsey ave. 5280 New york, new york.


Thanks, Evan Heiges and Co.


The author's comments:

I love cooking so I wrote a satire about being an amazing chef and about the crazy new innovations in the food industry.


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