Favorite Quote:
{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.<br /> <br /> But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only <br /> <br /> be broken by love's first kiss.<br /> <br /> She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing <br /> <br /> dragon.<br /> <br /> Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, <br /> <br /> but non prevailed.<br /> <br /> She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest <br /> <br /> tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.<br /> <br /> {Laughing} <br /> <br /> Like that's ever gonna happen.<br /> <br /> {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}<br /> <br /> What a load of - <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me<br /> <br /> I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed<br /> <br /> She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb<br /> <br /> In the shape of an "L" on her forehead<br /> <br /> The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'<br /> <br /> Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'<br /> <br /> Didn't make sense not to live for fun<br /> <br /> Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb<br /> <br /> So much to do so much to see<br /> <br /> So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets<br /> <br /> You'll never know if you don't go<br /> <br /> You'll never shine if you don't glow<br /> <br /> Hey, now You're an all-star<br /> <br /> Get your game on, go play<br /> <br /> Hey, now You're a rock star<br /> <br /> Get the show on, get paid<br /> <br /> And all that glitters is gold<br /> <br /> Only shootin' stars break the mold<br /> <br /> It's a cool place and they say it gets colder<br /> <br /> You're bundled up now but wait till you get older<br /> <br /> But the meteor men beg to differ<br /> <br /> Judging by the hole in the satellite picture<br /> <br /> The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin<br /> <br /> The water's getting warm so you might as well swim<br /> <br /> My world's on fire<br /> <br /> How 'bout yours<br /> <br /> That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored<br /> <br /> Hey, now, you're an all-star<br /> <br /> {Shouting}<br /> <br /> Get your game on, go play<br /> <br /> Hey, now You're a rock star<br /> <br /> Get the show on, get paid<br /> <br /> And all that glitters is gold<br /> <br /> Only shootin' stars break the mold<br /> <br /> {Belches}<br /> <br /> Go!<br /> <br /> Go!<br /> <br /> {Record Scratching}<br /> <br /> Go. Go.Go.<br /> <br /> Hey, now, you're an all-star<br /> <br /> Get your game on, go play<br /> <br /> Hey, now You're a rock star<br /> <br /> Get the show on, get paid<br /> <br /> And all that glitters is gold<br /> <br /> Only shootin' stars break the mold<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Think it's in there?<br /> <br /> -All right. Let's get it!<br /> <br /> -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?<br /> <br /> -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.<br /> <br /> Now, ogres - - They're much worse.<br /> <br /> They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!<br /> <br /> Actually, it's quite good on toast.<br /> <br /> -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> -Right.<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> {Shouting}<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> {Whispers} This is the part where you run away.<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> {Laughing} And stay out!<br /> <br /> "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> {Man's voice} All right. This one's full.<br /> <br /> -Take it away!<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Move it along. Come on! Get up!<br /> <br /> -Next!<br /> <br /> -Give me that! Your fiying days are over.<br /> <br /> That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!<br /> <br /> -Get up! Come on!<br /> <br /> -Twenty pieces.<br /> <br /> {Thudding}<br /> <br /> -Sit down there!<br /> <br /> -Keep quiet!<br /> <br /> {Crying}<br /> <br /> -This cage is too small.<br /> <br /> -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.<br /> <br /> I can change. Please! Give me another chance!<br /> <br /> -Oh, shut up.<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> -Next!<br /> <br /> -What have you got?<br /> <br /> -This little wooden puppet.<br /> <br /> -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.<br /> <br /> -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.<br /> <br /> -Father, please! Don't let them do this!<br /> <br /> -Help me!<br /> <br /> -Next! What have you got?<br /> <br /> -Well, I've got a talking donkey.<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.<br /> <br /> -Oh, go ahead, little fella.<br /> <br /> -Well?<br /> <br /> -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.<br /> <br /> He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -<br /> <br /> -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!<br /> <br /> -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.<br /> <br /> I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.<br /> <br /> -Get her out of my sight.<br /> <br /> -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Hey! I can fly!<br /> <br /> -He can fly!<br /> <br /> -He can fly!<br /> <br /> -He can talk!<br /> <br /> -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.<br /> <br /> You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly<br /> <br /> but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!<br /> <br /> Oh-oh.<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -Seize him!<br /> <br /> -After him! He's getting away!<br /> <br /> {Grunts, Gasps}<br /> <br /> {Man}<br /> <br /> -Get him! This way! Turn!<br /> <br /> -You there. Orge!<br /> <br /> -Aye?<br /> <br /> -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under <br /> <br /> arrest<br /> <br /> and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.<br /> <br /> -Oh, really? You and what army?<br /> <br /> {Gasps, Whimpering}<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -Can I say something to you?<br /> <br /> -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. <br /> <br /> Incredible!<br /> <br /> Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!<br /> <br /> -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great <br /> <br /> back here? Those guards!<br /> <br /> They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They <br /> <br /> was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made <br /> <br /> me feel good to see that.<br /> <br /> -Oh, that's great. Really.<br /> <br /> -Man, it's good to be free.<br /> <br /> -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? <br /> <br /> Hmm?<br /> <br /> -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by <br /> <br /> myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. <br /> <br /> You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit <br /> <br /> out of anybody that crosses us.<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that <br /> <br /> don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you <br /> <br /> definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!<br /> <br /> You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - <br /> <br /> {Mumbling}<br /> <br /> Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my <br /> <br /> butt that day.<br /> <br /> -Why are you following me?<br /> <br /> -I'll tell you why. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 'Cause I'm all alone<br /> <br /> There's no one here beside me<br /> <br /> My promlems have all gone<br /> <br /> There's no one to deride me<br /> <br /> But you gotta heve friends - - <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.<br /> <br /> -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.<br /> <br /> -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?<br /> <br /> -Uh - - Really tall?<br /> <br /> -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't <br /> <br /> that bother you?<br /> <br /> -Nope.<br /> <br /> -Really?<br /> <br /> -Really, really.<br /> <br /> -Oh.<br /> <br /> -Man, I like you. What's you name?<br /> <br /> -Uh, Shrek.<br /> <br /> -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?<br /> <br /> You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.<br /> <br /> I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. <br /> <br /> Who'd want to live in place like that?<br /> <br /> -That would be my home.<br /> <br /> -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a <br /> <br /> decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I <br /> <br /> like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.<br /> <br /> -I guess you don't entertain much, do you?<br /> <br /> -I like my privacy.<br /> <br /> -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I <br /> <br /> hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them <br /> <br /> a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.<br /> <br /> -Can I stay with you?<br /> <br /> -Uh, what?<br /> <br /> -Can I stay with you, please?<br /> <br /> -Of course!<br /> <br /> -Really?<br /> <br /> -No.<br /> <br /> -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to <br /> <br /> be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta <br /> <br /> stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!<br /> <br /> -Okay! Okay! But one night only.<br /> <br /> -Ah! Thank you!<br /> <br /> -What are you - - No! No!<br /> <br /> -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, <br /> <br /> and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> -Where do, uh, I sleep?<br /> <br /> -Outside!<br /> <br /> -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you <br /> <br /> don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.<br /> <br /> {Sniffles}<br /> <br /> -Here I go.<br /> <br /> -Good night.<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. <br /> <br /> I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, <br /> <br /> outside.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I'm all alone<br /> <br /> There's no one here beside me<br /> <br /> {Bubbling}<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> {Creaking}<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -I thought I told you to stay outside.<br /> <br /> -I'm outside.<br /> <br /> {Clattering}<br /> <br /> -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we <br /> <br /> have? <br /> <br /> -It's not home, but it'll do just fune.<br /> <br /> -What a lovely bed.<br /> <br /> -Got ya.<br /> <br /> {Sniffs} I found some cheese.<br /> <br /> -Ow! {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -Blah! Awful stuff.<br /> <br /> -Is that you, Gorder?<br /> <br /> -How did you know?<br /> <br /> -Enough! What are you doing in my house?<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -Hey!<br /> <br /> {Snickers}<br /> <br /> -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.<br /> <br /> -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.<br /> <br /> -Huh?<br /> <br /> {Gusps}<br /> <br /> {Male voice} What?<br /> <br /> -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I <br /> <br /> have to do get a little privacy?<br /> <br /> -Aah!<br /> <br /> -Oh, no. No! No!<br /> <br /> {Cackling}<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -Quit it.<br /> <br /> -Don't push.<br /> <br /> {Squeaking}<br /> <br /> {Lows}<br /> <br /> - What are you doing in my swamp?<br /> <br /> {Echoing}<br /> <br /> Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> -Oh, dear!<br /> <br /> -Whoa!<br /> <br /> -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! <br /> <br /> Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!<br /> <br /> -Quickly. Come on!<br /> <br /> -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.<br /> <br /> -Oh, gosh, no one invited us.<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -We were forced to come here.<br /> <br /> -By who?<br /> <br /> -Lord Farquaad.<br /> <br /> -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?<br /> <br /> {Murmuring}<br /> <br /> -Oh, I do. I know where he is.<br /> <br /> -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?<br /> <br /> -Me! Me!<br /> <br /> -Anyone?<br /> <br /> -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. <br /> <br /> Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy <br /> <br /> Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came <br /> <br /> from!<br /> <br /> {Cheering}<br /> <br /> {Twittering}<br /> <br /> -Oh! You! You're comin' with me.<br /> <br /> - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two <br /> <br /> stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!<br /> <br /> -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.<br /> <br /> -Hey. Oh, oh!<br /> <br /> -I can't wait to get on the road again.<br /> <br /> -What did I say about singing?<br /> <br /> -Can I whistle?<br /> <br /> -No.<br /> <br /> -Can I hum it?<br /> <br /> -All right, hum it.<br /> <br /> {Humming}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> {Whimpering}<br /> <br /> -That's enough. He's ready to talk.<br /> <br /> {Coughing}<br /> <br /> {Laughing}<br /> <br /> {Clears throat}<br /> <br /> -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the <br /> <br /> gingerbread man!<br /> <br /> -You are a monster.<br /> <br /> -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy <br /> <br /> tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the <br /> <br /> others?<br /> <br /> -Eat me!{Grunts}<br /> <br /> -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached <br /> <br /> its end! Tell me or I'll - -<br /> <br /> -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.<br /> <br /> -All right then. Who's hiding them?<br /> <br /> -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?<br /> <br /> -The muffin man?<br /> <br /> -The muffin man.<br /> <br /> -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?<br /> <br /> -Well, she's married to the muffin man.<br /> <br /> -The muffin man?<br /> <br /> -The muffin man!<br /> <br /> -She's married to the muffin man.<br /> <br /> {Door opens}<br /> <br /> -My lord! We found it.<br /> <br /> -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.<br /> <br /> {Man grunting}<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> -Magic mirror - - <br /> <br /> -Don't tell him anything!<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> {Ginerbread man whispers}<br /> <br /> -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect <br /> <br /> kingdom of them all?<br /> <br /> -Well, technically you're not a king.<br /> <br /> -Uh, Thelonius.<br /> <br /> -You were saying?<br /> <br /> -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All <br /> <br /> you have to do is marry a princess.<br /> <br /> -Go on.<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to <br /> <br /> meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette <br /> <br /> number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. <br /> <br /> She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking <br /> <br /> and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.<br /> <br /> -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of <br /> <br /> fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just <br /> <br /> kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come <br /> <br /> on. Give it up for Snow White!<br /> <br /> -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a <br /> <br /> fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling <br /> <br /> lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes <br /> <br /> pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, <br /> <br /> Princess Fiona!<br /> <br /> -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or <br /> <br /> bachelorette number three?<br /> <br /> -Two! Two!<br /> <br /> -Three! Three!<br /> <br /> -Two! Two!<br /> <br /> -Three! <br /> <br /> -Three? One?<br /> <br /> {Shudders} Three?<br /> <br /> --Three! Pick number three, my lord!<br /> <br /> -Okay, okay, uh, number three!<br /> <br /> -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> If you like pina coladas<br /> <br /> And getting caught in the rain<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Princess Fiona.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> If you're not into yoga<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - <br /> <br /> -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.<br /> <br /> -I'll do it.<br /> <br /> -Yes, but after sunset - -<br /> <br /> -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will <br /> <br /> finally have the perfect king!<br /> <br /> Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd <br /> <br /> find it.<br /> <br /> -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.<br /> <br /> -Uh-huh. That's the place.<br /> <br /> -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> {Groans}<br /> <br /> -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.<br /> <br /> -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.<br /> <br /> -Hey, you!<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -<br /> <br /> {Whimpering}<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> {Whimpering, Groans}<br /> <br /> {Turnstile clatters}<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -It's quiet. Too quiet.<br /> <br /> {Creaking}<br /> <br /> -Where is everybody?<br /> <br /> -Hey, look at this!<br /> <br /> {Clattering, whirring, clicking}<br /> <br /> Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town<br /> <br /> Here we have some rules<br /> <br /> Let us lay them down<br /> <br /> Don't make waves, stay in line<br /> <br /> And we'll get along fine<br /> <br /> DuLoc is perfect place<br /> <br /> Please keep off of the grass<br /> <br /> Shine your shoes, wipe your... face<br /> <br /> DuLoc is, DuLoc is<br /> <br /> DuLoc is perfect ...... place<br /> <br /> {Camera shutter clicks<br /> <br /> {Whirring}<br /> <br /> -Wow! Let's do that again!<br /> <br /> -No. No. No, no, no! No.<br /> <br /> {Trumpet fanfare}<br /> <br /> {Crowd cheering}<br /> <br /> -Brave knights.<br /> <br /> -You are the best and brightest in all the land.<br /> <br /> -Today one of you shall prove himself - -<br /> <br /> -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.<br /> <br /> -Sorry about that.<br /> <br /> {Cheering}<br /> <br /> -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go <br /> <br /> forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the <br /> <br /> dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first <br /> <br /> runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae <br /> <br /> die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.<br /> <br /> {Cheering}<br /> <br /> -Let the tournament begin!<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> -What is that?<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> -It's hideous!<br /> <br /> -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.<br /> <br /> -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named <br /> <br /> champion! Have it him!<br /> <br /> -Get him!<br /> <br /> -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.<br /> <br /> -Go ahead! Get him!<br /> <br /> -Can't we just settle this over a pint?<br /> <br /> -Kill the beast!<br /> <br /> -No? All right then. Come on!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I don't give a damn about my reputation<br /> <br /> You're living in the past <br /> <br /> It's a new generation<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Damn!<br /> <br /> {Whinnying}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> A girl can do what she wants to do<br /> <br /> And that's what I'm gonna do<br /> <br /> And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation<br /> <br /> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me<br /> <br /> Me, me, me<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation<br /> <br /> Never said I wanted to improve my station<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Ah!<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Yeah!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> And I don't have to please no one<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -The chair! Give him the chair!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation<br /> <br /> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me<br /> <br /> Me, me, me<br /> <br /> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me<br /> <br /> {Bell dings}<br /> <br /> {Cheering}<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till <br /> <br /> Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!<br /> <br /> {Shrek laughs}<br /> <br /> {Crowd gasping, murmuring}<br /> <br /> -Shall I give the order, sir?<br /> <br /> -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great <br /> <br /> and noble quest.<br /> <br /> -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.<br /> <br /> -Your swamp?<br /> <br /> -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!<br /> <br /> {Crowd murmuring}<br /> <br /> -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for <br /> <br /> me, and I'll give you your swamp back.<br /> <br /> -Exactly the way it was?<br /> <br /> -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.<br /> <br /> -And the squatters?<br /> <br /> -As good as gone.<br /> <br /> -What kind of quest?<br /> <br /> -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a <br /> <br /> princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only <br /> <br /> don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.<br /> <br /> -Is that about right?<br /> <br /> -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.<br /> <br /> -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on <br /> <br /> him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make <br /> <br /> your bread, the whole orge trip.<br /> <br /> -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and <br /> <br /> put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and <br /> <br /> drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?<br /> <br /> -Uh, no, not really, no.<br /> <br /> -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.<br /> <br /> -Example?<br /> <br /> -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.<br /> <br /> -{Sniffs} They stink?<br /> <br /> -Yes - - No!<br /> <br /> -They make you cry?<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little <br /> <br /> white hairs.<br /> <br /> -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have <br /> <br /> layers. You get it? We both have layers. <br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes <br /> <br /> onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.<br /> <br /> -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.<br /> <br /> -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a <br /> <br /> person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like <br /> <br /> no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.<br /> <br /> -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like <br /> <br /> onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.<br /> <br /> -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.<br /> <br /> -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or <br /> <br /> something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start <br /> <br /> slobbering.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I'm on my way from misery to happiness today<br /> <br /> Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh<br /> <br /> I'm on my way from misery to happiness today<br /> <br /> Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh<br /> <br /> And everything that you receive up yonder<br /> <br /> Is what you give to me the day I wander<br /> <br /> I'm on my way <br /> <br /> I'm on my way <br /> <br /> I'm on my way <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?<br /> <br /> -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was <br /> <br /> open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's <br /> <br /> brimstone We must be getting close.<br /> <br /> -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I <br /> <br /> know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone <br /> <br /> neither.<br /> <br /> {Rumbling}<br /> <br /> -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.<br /> <br /> {Laughing}<br /> <br /> -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?<br /> <br /> -Oh, aye.<br /> <br /> -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have <br /> <br /> layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.<br /> <br /> -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.<br /> <br /> -You know what I mean.<br /> <br /> -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.<br /> <br /> -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over <br /> <br /> a boiling like of lava!<br /> <br /> -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional <br /> <br /> support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step <br /> <br /> at a time.<br /> <br /> -Really?<br /> <br /> -Really, really.<br /> <br /> -Okay, that makes me feel so much better.<br /> <br /> -Just keep moving. And don't look down.<br /> <br /> -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on <br /> <br /> moving. Don't look down.<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, <br /> <br /> please! <br /> <br /> -But you're already halfway.<br /> <br /> -But I know that half is safe!<br /> <br /> -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.<br /> <br /> -Shrek, no! Wait!<br /> <br /> -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?<br /> <br /> -Don't do that!<br /> <br /> -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?<br /> <br /> -Oh, this?<br /> <br /> -Yes, that!<br /> <br /> -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> -No, Shrek! No! Stop it!<br /> <br /> -You said do it! I'm doin' it.<br /> <br /> -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!<br /> <br /> -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.<br /> <br /> -Cool.<br /> <br /> -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?<br /> <br /> -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.<br /> <br /> {Water dripping, wind howling}<br /> <br /> -You afraid?<br /> <br /> -No.<br /> <br /> -But - -<br /> <br /> - Shh.<br /> <br /> -Oh, good. Me neither.<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible <br /> <br /> response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I <br /> <br /> might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and <br /> <br /> breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little <br /> <br /> scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if <br /> <br /> you can find any stairs.<br /> <br /> -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.<br /> <br /> -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest <br /> <br /> tower.<br /> <br /> -What makes you think she'll be there?<br /> <br /> -I read it in a book once.<br /> <br /> -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those <br /> <br /> stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way <br /> <br /> they're goin'.<br /> <br /> {Creacing}<br /> <br /> -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with <br /> <br /> me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a <br /> <br /> step right here. I'd step all over it.<br /> <br /> -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - <br /> <br /> -Dragon!<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> -Donkey, look out!<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> {Whimpering}<br /> <br /> -Got ya!<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> {Shouts}<br /> <br /> -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!<br /> <br /> {Screaming}<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Oh! Aah! Aah!<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> {Crowls}<br /> <br /> -No. Oh, no, No!<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> -Oh, what large teeth you have.<br /> <br /> {Crowls}<br /> <br /> -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time <br /> <br /> from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile <br /> <br /> you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know <br /> <br /> what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of <br /> <br /> course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. <br /> <br /> What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. <br /> <br /> Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - <br /> <br /> (Coughs)<br /> <br /> -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna <br /> <br /> blow smoke rings. Shrek!<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> {Whimpering}<br /> <br /> -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!<br /> <br /> {Groans, Sighs}<br /> <br /> {Vocalizing}<br /> <br /> -Oh! Oh!<br /> <br /> -Wake up!<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -Are you Princess Fiona?<br /> <br /> -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.<br /> <br /> -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!<br /> <br /> -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be <br /> <br /> a wonderful, romantic moment?<br /> <br /> -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.<br /> <br /> -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out <br /> <br /> yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.<br /> <br /> -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?<br /> <br /> -Mm-hmm.<br /> <br /> {Screams, grunts}<br /> <br /> -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for <br /> <br /> me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!<br /> <br /> -I don't think so.<br /> <br /> -Can I at least know the name of my champion?<br /> <br /> -Um, Shrek.<br /> <br /> -Sir Shrek.<br /> <br /> {Cleans throat}<br /> <br /> -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.<br /> <br /> -Thanks!<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> -You didn't slay the dragon?<br /> <br /> -It's on my to-do list. Now come on!<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, <br /> <br /> banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.<br /> <br /> -Yeah, right before they burst into flame.<br /> <br /> -That's not the point. Oh!<br /> <br /> -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.<br /> <br /> -Well, I have to save my ass.<br /> <br /> -What kind of knight are you?<br /> <br /> -One of a kind.<br /> <br /> -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to <br /> <br /> know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. <br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not <br /> <br /> emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really <br /> <br /> is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted <br /> <br /> physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back <br /> <br /> up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to <br /> <br /> know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, <br /> <br /> but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - <br /> <br /> Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna <br /> <br /> tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with <br /> <br /> that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!<br /> <br /> {Growls}<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Hi, Princess!<br /> <br /> -It talks!<br /> <br /> -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> {Screaming}<br /> <br /> -Oh!<br /> <br /> {Thuds}<br /> <br /> {Groans}<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.<br /> <br /> {Fchoing}<br /> <br /> -Run!<br /> <br /> {Gasping}<br /> <br /> {Screaming}<br /> <br /> {Roaring}<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> {Panting, sighs}<br /> <br /> {Whimpers}<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> -You did it!<br /> <br /> -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. <br /> <br /> You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and <br /> <br /> thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. <br /> <br /> {Clears throat}<br /> <br /> -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?<br /> <br /> -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a <br /> <br /> steed.<br /> <br /> -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.<br /> <br /> -Uh, no.<br /> <br /> -Why not?<br /> <br /> -I have helmet hair.<br /> <br /> -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.<br /> <br /> -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.<br /> <br /> -But how will you kiss me?<br /> <br /> -What? That wasn't in the job description.<br /> <br /> -Maybe it's a perk.<br /> <br /> -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in <br /> <br /> a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then <br /> <br /> they share true love's first kiss.<br /> <br /> -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you <br /> <br /> true love?<br /> <br /> -Well, yes.<br /> <br /> {Laughing}<br /> <br /> -You think Shrek is your true love!<br /> <br /> -What is so funny?<br /> <br /> -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?<br /> <br /> -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your <br /> <br /> helmet.<br /> <br /> -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.<br /> <br /> -Just take off the helmet.<br /> <br /> -I'm not going to.<br /> <br /> -Take ot off.<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -Now!<br /> <br /> -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.<br /> <br /> -You- - You're a- - an orge.<br /> <br /> -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.<br /> <br /> -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed <br /> <br /> to be an orge.<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the <br /> <br /> one who wants to marry you.<br /> <br /> -Then why didn't he come rescue me?<br /> <br /> -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.<br /> <br /> -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - <br /> <br /> his pet.<br /> <br /> -So much for noble steed.<br /> <br /> -You're not making my job any easier.<br /> <br /> -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad <br /> <br /> that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right <br /> <br /> here.<br /> <br /> -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.<br /> <br /> -You wouldn't dare. Put me down!<br /> <br /> -Ya comin', Donkey?<br /> <br /> -I'm right behind ya.<br /> <br /> -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not <br /> <br /> dignified! Put me down!<br /> <br /> -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, <br /> <br /> right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down <br /> <br /> real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a <br /> <br /> crisp and eaten?<br /> <br /> -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what <br /> <br /> happens when you find your - - Hey!<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.<br /> <br /> -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!<br /> <br /> -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?<br /> <br /> -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in <br /> <br /> short supply.<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -I don't know. There are those who think little of him.<br /> <br /> -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never <br /> <br /> measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.<br /> <br /> -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the <br /> <br /> "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.<br /> <br /> -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?<br /> <br /> -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.<br /> <br /> -But there's robbers in the woods.<br /> <br /> -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.<br /> <br /> -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this <br /> <br /> forest.<br /> <br /> -I need to find somewhere to camp now!<br /> <br /> {Birds wings fluttering}<br /> <br /> {Grunting}<br /> <br /> -Hey! Over here.<br /> <br /> -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a <br /> <br /> princess.<br /> <br /> -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.<br /> <br /> -Homey touches? Like what?<br /> <br /> {Crashing}<br /> <br /> -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.<br /> <br /> -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.<br /> <br /> -I said good night!<br /> <br /> -Shrek, What are you doing?<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.<br /> <br /> {Fire cracking}<br /> <br /> -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over <br /> <br /> three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.<br /> <br /> -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?<br /> <br /> -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, <br /> <br /> there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.<br /> <br /> -I know you're making this up.<br /> <br /> -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away <br /> <br /> from his stench.<br /> <br /> -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.<br /> <br /> -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? <br /> <br /> Forget it.<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?<br /> <br /> -Our swamp?<br /> <br /> -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.<br /> <br /> -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my <br /> <br /> swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my <br /> <br /> land.<br /> <br /> -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what <br /> <br /> I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody <br /> <br /> out.<br /> <br /> -No, do ya think?<br /> <br /> -Are you hidin' something?<br /> <br /> -Never mind, Donkey.<br /> <br /> -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?<br /> <br /> -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.<br /> <br /> -Why don't you want to talk about it?<br /> <br /> -Why do you want to talk about it?<br /> <br /> -Why are you blocking?<br /> <br /> -I'm not blocking.<br /> <br /> -Oh, yes, you are.<br /> <br /> -Donkey, I'm warning you.<br /> <br /> -Who you trying to keep out?<br /> <br /> -Everyone! Okay?<br /> <br /> -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.<br /> <br /> -Oh! For the love of Pete!<br /> <br /> -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?<br /> <br /> -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that <br /> <br /> seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. <br /> <br /> "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they <br /> <br /> even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.<br /> <br /> -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, <br /> <br /> stupid, ugly orge.<br /> <br /> -Yeah, I know.<br /> <br /> -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?<br /> <br /> -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.<br /> <br /> -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one <br /> <br /> there?<br /> <br /> -That's the moon.<br /> <br /> -Oh, okay.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Orchestra}<br /> <br /> {Dulcimer}<br /> <br /> -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the <br /> <br /> princess.<br /> <br /> -Hmph.<br /> <br /> -Ah. Perfect.<br /> <br /> {Inhales}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Snoring}<br /> <br /> {Vocalizing}<br /> <br /> {Whistling}<br /> <br /> {Sizzling}<br /> <br /> {Sniffs, yawns}<br /> <br /> -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.<br /> <br /> --Come on, baby. I said I like it.<br /> <br /> -Donkey, wake up.<br /> <br /> -Huh? What?<br /> <br /> -Wake up.<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?<br /> <br /> -Good morning, Princess!<br /> <br /> -What's all this about?<br /> <br /> -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to <br /> <br /> make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.<br /> <br /> -Uh, thanks.<br /> <br /> {Sniffs}<br /> <br /> -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.<br /> <br /> {Belches}<br /> <br /> -Shrek!<br /> <br /> -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.<br /> <br /> {Belches}<br /> <br /> -Thanks.<br /> <br /> -She's as nasty as you are.<br /> <br /> -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.<br /> <br /> -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.<br /> <br /> {Vocalizing}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -La liberte! Hey!<br /> <br /> -Princess!<br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> -What are you doing?<br /> <br /> -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from <br /> <br /> this green - -<br /> <br /> {Kissing sounds}<br /> <br /> -beast.<br /> <br /> -Hey!<br /> <br /> -That's my princess! Go find you own!<br /> <br /> -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?<br /> <br /> -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!<br /> <br /> -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry <br /> <br /> Men. <br /> <br /> {Laughs}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Accordion}<br /> <br /> Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.<br /> <br /> I steal from the rich and give to the needy.<br /> <br /> He takes a wee percentage, <br /> <br /> But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels<br /> <br /> Man, I'm good<br /> <br /> What a guy, Monsieur Hood<br /> <br /> Break it down<br /> <br /> I like an honest fight<br /> <br /> and a saucy little maid<br /> <br /> What he's basically saying<br /> <br /> is he likes to get - - <br /> <br /> Paid<br /> <br /> So<br /> <br /> When an orge in the bush<br /> <br /> grabs a lady by the tush<br /> <br /> That's bad<br /> <br /> That's bad<br /> <br /> When a beauty's with a beast<br /> <br /> it makes me awfully mad<br /> <br /> He's mad<br /> <br /> He's really, really mad<br /> <br /> I'll take my blade and<br /> <br /> ram it through your heart<br /> <br /> Keep your eyes on me, boys<br /> <br /> 'cause I'm about to start<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Grunts, Groans}<br /> <br /> {Karate Yell}<br /> <br /> {Merry Men Gasping}<br /> <br /> {Panting}<br /> <br /> -Man, that was annoying!<br /> <br /> -Oh, you little- - <br /> <br /> {Karate Yell}<br /> <br /> {Accordion}<br /> <br /> {Shouting, groaning}<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -Uh, shall we?<br /> <br /> -Hold the phone.<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?<br /> <br /> -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these <br /> <br /> things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!<br /> <br /> -What? Oh, would you look at that?<br /> <br /> -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.<br /> <br /> -Why? What's wrong?<br /> <br /> -Shrek's hurt.<br /> <br /> -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.<br /> <br /> -Donkey, I'm okay.<br /> <br /> -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep <br /> <br /> you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the <br /> <br /> Heimlich?<br /> <br /> -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and <br /> <br /> find me a blue flower with red thorns.<br /> <br /> -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. <br /> <br /> Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!<br /> <br /> -{Both} Donkey!<br /> <br /> -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.<br /> <br /> -What are the flowers for?<br /> <br /> -For getting rid of Donkey.<br /> <br /> -Ah.<br /> <br /> -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.<br /> <br /> -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.<br /> <br /> -I'm sorry, but it has to come out.<br /> <br /> -No, it's tender.<br /> <br /> -Now, hold on.<br /> <br /> -What you're doing is the opposite of help.<br /> <br /> -Don't move.<br /> <br /> -Look, time out.<br /> <br /> -Would you - - <br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -Okay. What do you propose we do?<br /> <br /> -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red <br /> <br /> thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue <br /> <br /> flower, red thorns.<br /> <br /> -Ow!<br /> <br /> -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!<br /> <br /> -Ow! Not good.<br /> <br /> -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -It's just about - - <br /> <br /> -Ow! Ohh!<br /> <br /> -Ahem.<br /> <br /> -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - <br /> <br /> -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?<br /> <br /> -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was <br /> <br /> just- - Ugh! <br /> <br /> -Ow!<br /> <br /> -Hey, what's that?<br /> <br /> {Nervous chickle}<br /> <br /> -That's- - Is that blood?<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> {Bird chirping}<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> My beloved monster and me<br /> <br /> We go everywhere together<br /> <br /> Wearin' a raincoat<br /> <br /> that has four sleeves<br /> <br /> Gets us through all kinds of weather<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Aah!<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> She will always be the only thing<br /> <br /> That comes between me and the awful sting<br /> <br /> That comes from living in a world<br /> <br /> that's so damn mean<br /> <br /> {Croaks}<br /> <br /> Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> -Hey!<br /> <br /> La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la<br /> <br /> {Both laughing}<br /> <br /> La-la, la-la, la-la<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.<br /> <br /> -That's DuLoc?<br /> <br /> -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for <br /> <br /> something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!<br /> <br /> -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.<br /> <br /> -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.<br /> <br /> {Blubbering}<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. <br /> <br /> -What are you talking about? I'm fine.<br /> <br /> -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on <br /> <br /> your back. Dead.<br /> <br /> -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?<br /> <br /> -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.<br /> <br /> -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and <br /> <br /> when I turn my head like this, look, <br /> <br /> {Bones crunch}<br /> <br /> -Ow! See?<br /> <br /> -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.<br /> <br /> -I'll get the firewood.<br /> <br /> -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any <br /> <br /> toes! I think I need a hug.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?<br /> <br /> -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.<br /> <br /> -No kidding. Well, this is delicious.<br /> <br /> -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I <br /> <br /> make a mean weedrat stew.<br /> <br /> {Chuckling}<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.<br /> <br /> {Gulps}<br /> <br /> -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind <br /> <br /> of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -I'd like that.<br /> <br /> {Slurps, laughs}<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> See the pyramids along the Nile<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Um, Princess?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Yes, Shrek?<br /> <br /> -I, um, I was wondering.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Just remember, darling all the while<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Are you- - <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> You belong to me<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Sighs} <br /> <br /> -Are you gonna eat that?<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.<br /> <br /> -Sunset?<br /> <br /> -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.<br /> <br /> -What?<br /> <br /> -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, <br /> <br /> aren't you?<br /> <br /> -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.<br /> <br /> -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until <br /> <br /> - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.<br /> <br /> {Shrek sighs}<br /> <br /> -Good night.<br /> <br /> -Good night.<br /> <br /> {Door creaks}<br /> <br /> -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.<br /> <br /> -Oh, what are you talkin' about?<br /> <br /> -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. <br /> <br /> And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.<br /> <br /> -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.<br /> <br /> -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in <br /> <br /> and tell her how you feel.<br /> <br /> -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, <br /> <br /> well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a <br /> <br /> princess, and I'm - - <br /> <br /> -An orge?<br /> <br /> -Yeah. An orge.<br /> <br /> -Hey, where you goin'?<br /> <br /> -To get... move firewood.<br /> <br /> {Sighs} <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?<br /> <br /> {Wings fluttering}<br /> <br /> -Princess?<br /> <br /> {Creaking}<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.<br /> <br /> {Screams}<br /> <br /> -Aah!<br /> <br /> -Oh, no!<br /> <br /> -No, help!<br /> <br /> -Shh!<br /> <br /> -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!<br /> <br /> -No, it's okay. It's okay.<br /> <br /> -What did you do with the princess?<br /> <br /> -Donkey, I'm the princess.<br /> <br /> -Aah!<br /> <br /> -It's me, in this body.<br /> <br /> -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?<br /> <br /> -Donkey!<br /> <br /> -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!<br /> <br /> -Shh.<br /> <br /> -Shrek!<br /> <br /> -This is me.<br /> <br /> {Muffled mumbling}<br /> <br /> -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.<br /> <br /> -I'm ugly, okay?<br /> <br /> -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats <br /> <br /> was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - <br /> <br /> -No.<br /> <br /> -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.<br /> <br /> -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.<br /> <br /> -It's only happens when sun goes down.<br /> <br /> "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you <br /> <br /> find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."<br /> <br /> -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.<br /> <br /> -It's a spell.<br /> <br /> {Sighs} <br /> <br /> -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I <br /> <br /> become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to <br /> <br /> await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry <br /> <br /> Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.<br /> <br /> {Sobs}<br /> <br /> -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not <br /> <br /> that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look <br /> <br /> like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.<br /> <br /> -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant <br /> <br /> to look.<br /> <br /> -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?<br /> <br /> -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.<br /> <br /> -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you <br /> <br /> got a lot in common.<br /> <br /> -Shrek?<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for <br /> <br /> me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's <br /> <br /> pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might <br /> <br /> like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - <br /> <br /> - <br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.<br /> <br /> -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I <br /> <br /> mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? <br /> <br /> "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here <br /> <br /> with Shrek.<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.<br /> <br /> {Deep sigh}<br /> <br /> -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only <br /> <br /> way to break the spell.<br /> <br /> -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.<br /> <br /> -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.<br /> <br /> -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?<br /> <br /> -Promise you won't tell. Promise!<br /> <br /> -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know <br /> <br /> before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.<br /> <br /> -Look at my eye twitchin'.<br /> <br /> {Door opens}<br /> <br /> {Snoring}<br /> <br /> -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. <br /> <br /> -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - <br /> <br /> {Snoring}<br /> <br /> -Shrek. Are you all right?<br /> <br /> -Perfect! Never been better.<br /> <br /> -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.<br /> <br /> -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last <br /> <br /> night.<br /> <br /> -You heard what I said?<br /> <br /> -Every word.<br /> <br /> -I thought you'd understand.<br /> <br /> -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly <br /> <br /> beast?" <br /> <br /> -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.<br /> <br /> -Yeah? Well, it does.<br /> <br /> {Gasps, sighs}<br /> <br /> -Ah, right on time.<br /> <br /> {Horse whinnies}<br /> <br /> -Princess, I've brought you a little something.<br /> <br /> {Fanfare}<br /> <br /> {Yawns}<br /> <br /> -What'd I miss? What'd I miss?<br /> <br /> {Muffled}<br /> <br /> -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.<br /> <br /> -Princess Fiona.<br /> <br /> -As promised. Now hand it over.<br /> <br /> -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.<br /> <br /> -Take it and go before I change my mind.<br /> <br /> -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I <br /> <br /> have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.<br /> <br /> -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.<br /> <br /> {Snaps fingers}<br /> <br /> -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.<br /> <br /> -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the <br /> <br /> orge. It's not like it has feelings.<br /> <br /> -No, you're right. It doesn't.<br /> <br /> -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in <br /> <br /> marriage.<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?<br /> <br /> -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - <br /> <br /> -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!<br /> <br /> -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun <br /> <br /> sets.<br /> <br /> -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's <br /> <br /> so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest <br /> <br /> list. Captain, round up some guests!<br /> <br /> -Fare-thee-well, orge.<br /> <br /> -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.<br /> <br /> -Yeah? So what?<br /> <br /> -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to <br /> <br /> her last night, She's - - <br /> <br /> -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? <br /> <br /> Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?<br /> <br /> -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.<br /> <br /> -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! <br /> <br /> My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, <br /> <br /> pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!<br /> <br /> -But I thought - - <br /> <br /> -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!<br /> <br /> -Shrek.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I heard there was a secret chord<br /> <br /> That David played and it pleased the Lord<br /> <br /> But you don't really care for music, do ya<br /> <br /> It goes like this the fourth, the fifth<br /> <br /> The minor fall the major lift<br /> <br /> The baffled king composing hallelujah<br /> <br /> Hallelujah, hallelujah<br /> <br /> Baby, I've been here before<br /> <br /> I know this room I've walked this floor<br /> <br /> I used to live alone before I knew you<br /> <br /> I've seen your flag on the marble arch<br /> <br /> But love is not a victory march<br /> <br /> It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah<br /> <br /> Hallelujah, hallelujah<br /> <br /> And all I ever learned from love<br /> <br /> Is how to shoot at someone<br /> <br /> Who outdrew you<br /> <br /> {Moaning}<br /> <br /> And it's not a cry you can hear at night<br /> <br /> It's not somebody who's seen the light<br /> <br /> It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah<br /> <br /> {Moaning}<br /> <br /> Hallelujah, hallelujah<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {Thumping sound}<br /> <br /> -Donkey?<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -What are you doing?<br /> <br /> -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see <br /> <br /> one.<br /> <br /> -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not <br /> <br /> through it.<br /> <br /> -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.<br /> <br /> -Oh! Your half. Hmm.<br /> <br /> -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I <br /> <br /> get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks <br /> <br /> like your head.<br /> <br /> -Back off!<br /> <br /> -No, you back off.<br /> <br /> -This is my swamp!<br /> <br /> -Our swamp.<br /> <br /> -Let go, Donkey!<br /> <br /> -You let go.<br /> <br /> -Stubborn jackass!<br /> <br /> -Smelly orge.<br /> <br /> -Fine!<br /> <br /> -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.<br /> <br /> -Well, I'm through with you.<br /> <br /> -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess <br /> <br /> what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are <br /> <br /> mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! <br /> <br /> You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.<br /> <br /> -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?<br /> <br /> -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!<br /> <br /> -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in <br /> <br /> the back!<br /> <br /> -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your <br /> <br /> own feelings.<br /> <br /> -Go away!<br /> <br /> -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she <br /> <br /> ever do was like you, maybe even love you.<br /> <br /> -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of <br /> <br /> you talking. <br /> <br /> -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody <br /> <br /> else.<br /> <br /> -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?<br /> <br /> -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. <br /> <br /> Right? Right?<br /> <br /> -Donkey!<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?<br /> <br /> {Sighs}<br /> <br /> -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you <br /> <br /> forgive me?<br /> <br /> -Hey, that's what friends are for, right?<br /> <br /> -Right. Friends?<br /> <br /> -Friends.<br /> <br /> -So, um, what did Fiona say about me?<br /> <br /> -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?<br /> <br /> -The wedding! We'll never make it in time.<br /> <br /> -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I <br /> <br /> have a way.<br /> <br /> {Whistles}<br /> <br /> -Donkey?<br /> <br /> -I guess it's just my animal magnetism.<br /> <br /> {Laughing}<br /> <br /> -Aw, come here, you.<br /> <br /> -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. <br /> <br /> All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install <br /> <br /> the seat belts yet.<br /> <br /> -Whoo!<br /> <br /> {Bells tolling}<br /> <br /> {All gasping}<br /> <br /> -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....<br /> <br /> -Um-<br /> <br /> -of our new king - -<br /> <br /> -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?<br /> <br /> {Chuckling}<br /> <br /> -Go on.<br /> <br /> -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about <br /> <br /> that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't <br /> <br /> you?<br /> <br /> -What are you talking about?<br /> <br /> -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak <br /> <br /> now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"<br /> <br /> -I don't have time for this!<br /> <br /> -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this <br /> <br /> woman, don't you?<br /> <br /> -Yes.<br /> <br /> -You wanna hold her?<br /> <br /> -Yes.<br /> <br /> -Please her?<br /> <br /> -Yes!<br /> <br /> -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that <br /> <br /> romantic crap!<br /> <br /> -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?<br /> <br /> -We gotta check it out.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -And so, by the power vested in me, <br /> <br /> -What do you see?<br /> <br /> -The whole town's in there.<br /> <br /> -I now pronounce you husband and wife,<br /> <br /> -They're at the altar.<br /> <br /> -king and queen.<br /> <br /> -Mother Fletcher! He already said it.<br /> <br /> -Oh, for the love of Pete!<br /> <br /> {Grunts}<br /> <br /> -I object!<br /> <br /> -Shrek?<br /> <br /> {Gasps}<br /> <br /> -Oh, now what does he want?<br /> <br /> -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. <br /> <br /> Very clean.<br /> <br /> -What are you doing here?<br /> <br /> -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but <br /> <br /> showing up uninvited to a wedding - -<br /> <br /> -Fiona! I need to talk to you.<br /> <br /> -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll <br /> <br /> excuse me - - <br /> <br /> -But you can't marry him.<br /> <br /> -And why not?<br /> <br /> -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.<br /> <br /> -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.<br /> <br /> -He's not your true love.<br /> <br /> -And what do you know about true love?<br /> <br /> -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - <br /> <br /> -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! <br /> <br /> Oh, good Lord.<br /> <br /> {Crowd laughting}<br /> <br /> -An orge and a princess!<br /> <br /> -Shrek, is this true?<br /> <br /> -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away <br /> <br /> from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!<br /> <br /> -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.<br /> <br /> {Whimpers}<br /> <br /> {Crown gasping}<br /> <br /> -Well, uh, that explains a lot.<br /> <br /> -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of <br /> <br /> my sight now! Get them! Get them both!<br /> <br /> -No, no!<br /> <br /> -Shrek!<br /> <br /> -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that <br /> <br /> makes me king! See? See?<br /> <br /> -No, let go of me! Shrek!<br /> <br /> -No!<br /> <br /> -Don't just stand there, you morons.<br /> <br /> -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! <br /> <br /> -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and <br /> <br /> quartered!<br /> <br /> -You'll beg for death to save you!<br /> <br /> -No, Shrek!<br /> <br /> -And as for you, my wife,<br /> <br /> -Fiona!<br /> <br /> -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!<br /> <br /> -I'm king!<br /> <br /> {Whistles}<br /> <br /> -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!<br /> <br /> -Aah!<br /> <br /> -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to <br /> <br /> use it.<br /> <br /> {Roars}<br /> <br /> -I'm a donkey on the edge!<br /> <br /> {Belches}<br /> <br /> -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?<br /> <br /> {Cheering}<br /> <br /> -Go ahead, Shrek.<br /> <br /> -Uh, Fiona?<br /> <br /> -Yes, Shrek?<br /> <br /> -I - - I love you.<br /> <br /> -Really?<br /> <br /> -Really, really.<br /> <br /> - I love you too.<br /> <br /> -Aawww!<br /> <br /> -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true <br /> <br /> form."<br /> <br /> -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."<br /> <br /> -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?<br /> <br /> -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.<br /> <br /> -But you ARE beautiful.<br /> <br /> {Chuckles}<br /> <br /> -I was hoping this would be a happy ending.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I thought love was only true in fairy tales<br /> <br /> Oy!<br /> <br /> Meant for someone else but not for me<br /> <br /> Love was out to get me<br /> <br /> That's the way it seemed<br /> <br /> Disappointment haunted all my dreams<br /> <br /> And then I saw her face<br /> <br /> Now I'm a believer and not a trace<br /> <br /> Of doubt in my mind<br /> <br /> I'm in love<br /> <br /> Ooh-aah<br /> <br /> I'm a believer I couldn't leave her<br /> <br /> If I tried<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -God bless us, every one.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Come on, y'all!<br /> <br /> Then I saw her face<br /> <br /> Ha-ha<br /> <br /> Now I'm a believer <br /> <br /> Listen!<br /> <br /> Not a trace<br /> <br /> Of doubt in my mind<br /> <br /> I'm in love<br /> <br /> Ooh-aah<br /> <br /> I'm a believer <br /> <br /> I couldn't leave her if I tried<br /> <br /> -Ooh!<br /> <br /> -Uh!<br /> <br /> Then I saw her face<br /> <br /> Now I'm a believer <br /> <br /> Hey!<br /> <br /> Not a trace<br /> <br /> Uhh! Yeah.<br /> <br /> Of doubt in my mind<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -One more time!<br /> <br /> I'm in love<br /> <br /> I'm a believer <br /> <br /> Come on!<br /> <br /> I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, <br /> <br /> I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey<br /> <br /> Y'all sing it with me!<br /> <br /> I<br /> <br /> Believe<br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> People in the back!<br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> I'm a believer <br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> I believe<br /> <br /> {Hysterical laughing}<br /> <br /> -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.<br /> <br /> -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I believe in self-assertion<br /> <br /> Destiny or a slight diversion<br /> <br /> Now it seems I've got my head on straight<br /> <br /> I'm a freak an apparition<br /> <br /> Seems I've made the right decision<br /> <br /> To try to turn back now it might be too late<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Now I want to stay home today<br /> <br /> Don't wanna go out<br /> <br /> If anyone comes to play<br /> <br /> Gonna get thrown out<br /> <br /> I wanna stay home today<br /> <br /> Don't want no company<br /> <br /> No way<br /> <br /> Yeah, yeah, yeah<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I wanna be a millionaire someday<br /> <br /> But know what it feels like to give it away<br /> <br /> Watch me march to the beat of my own drum<br /> <br /> And it's off to the moon and then back again<br /> <br /> Same old day Same situation<br /> <br /> My happiness rears back as if to say<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I wanna stay home today<br /> <br /> Don't wanna go out<br /> <br /> If anyone comes to play<br /> <br /> Gonna get thrown out<br /> <br /> I wanna stay home today<br /> <br /> Don't want no company<br /> <br /> No way<br /> <br /> Yeah, yeah, yeah<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes<br /> <br /> My heart skips a beat<br /> <br /> Girl, I feel so alive<br /> <br /> Please tell me, baby, if all this is true<br /> <br /> 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> Makes me wanna dance<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> It's a new romance<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> I look into your eyes<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> The best years of our lives<br /> <br /> When we first met<br /> <br /> I could hardly believe<br /> <br /> The things that would happen <br /> <br /> and we could achieve<br /> <br /> So let's be together<br /> <br /> for all of our time<br /> <br /> Oh, girl, I'm so thankful<br /> <br /> that you are still mine<br /> <br /> You always consider me<br /> <br /> like an ugly duckling<br /> <br /> And treat me like a Nostradamus<br /> <br /> was why I had to get my shine on<br /> <br /> I break a little something<br /> <br /> to keep my mind on<br /> <br /> 'Cause you had my mind gone<br /> <br /> Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh<br /> <br /> Turn the lights on, Come on, baby<br /> <br /> Let's just rewind the song<br /> <br /> 'Cause all I want to do is <br /> <br /> make the rest years the best years<br /> <br /> All night long<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> Makes me wanna dance<br /> <br /> Makes me wanna dance<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> It's a new romance<br /> <br /> It's a new romance<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> I look into your eyes<br /> <br /> Oh, yeah, yeah<br /> <br /> I look into your eyes<br /> <br /> Oh-oh-oh<br /> <br /> The best years of our lives<br /> <br /> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Everything looks bright<br /> <br /> Standing in your light<br /> <br /> Everything feels right<br /> <br /> What's left is out of sight<br /> <br /> What's a girl to do <br /> <br /> I'm telling you<br /> <br /> You're on my mind<br /> <br /> I wanna be with you<br /> <br /> 'Cause when you're<br /> <br /> standin' next to me<br /> <br /> It's like wow<br /> <br /> And all your kisses<br /> <br /> seem to set me free<br /> <br /> It's like wow<br /> <br /> And when we touch<br /> <br /> it's such a rush<br /> <br /> I can't get enough<br /> <br /> It's like- - It's like<br /> <br /> Ooh-ooh<br /> <br /> Hey, what<br /> <br /> It's like wow<br /> <br /> Ooh-ooh, hey<br /> <br /> Hey, yeah<br /> <br /> It's like wow<br /> <br /> Everything is looking<br /> <br /> right now, right now<br /> <br /> It's like wow<br /> <br /> And I got this feeling<br /> <br /> This feeling <br /> <br /> it's just like wow<br /> <br /> It's just like wow<br /> <br /> You are all I'm thinking of.<br /> <br /> Like wow<br /> <br /> Everything feels right<br /> <br /> Everything feels right<br /> <br /> Like wow<br /> <br /> Everything looks bright<br /> <br /> All my senses are right<br /> <br /> Like wow<br /> <br /> Everything feels right<br /> <br /> Baby, baby, baby<br /> <br /> the way I'm feeling you<br /> <br /> Is like wow<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> There is something<br /> <br /> that I see<br /> <br /> In the way <br /> <br /> you look at me<br /> <br /> There's a smile<br /> <br /> There's a truth<br /> <br /> In your eyes<br /> <br /> What an unexpected way<br /> <br /> On this unexpected day<br /> <br /> Could it be<br /> <br /> This is where I belong<br /> <br /> It is you I have loved<br /> <br /> All long<br /> <br /> There's no more mystery<br /> <br /> It is finally clear to me<br /> <br /> You're the home<br /> <br /> my heart's searched for<br /> <br /> So long<br /> <br /> It is you I have loved<br /> <br /> All long<br /> <br /> Whoa, over and over<br /> <br /> I'm filled with emotion<br /> <br /> As I look<br /> <br /> Into your perfect face