Acting and I have always had a bit of a rocky relationship. I love it, I really do, but it carries with it memories from the past that still haunt me. I would constantly wonder to myself “Maybe if I never started acting, my heart would be less broken- I wouldn’t be so crazy- or maybe, just maybe, my lung wouldn’t have collapsed.” Acting started as an escape, but it then became my place of blame.

This year, I was the new Mock Trial coach. For those who don’t know, Mock Trial is exactly what it sounds like- a competitive club that simulates a court trial. How I came to acquire the position of coach, is a story for another time; but all you need to know is I was now responsible for teaching a bunch of freshmen how to act as Mock Trial witnesses. They had little to no experience with acting, let alone Mock Trial, so my work was cut for me.

When I finally sat down to plan how I was going to attack this task, I realized I had no clue where to start. Though I had been acting for the past eight years, how I learned how to act just seemed to slip my mind. I remembered doing silly little activities, but never what they were or what they taught. But then, I remembered one activity in particular- the one that started it all.

I had my witnesses all sit in a circle and I asked them to close their eyes. After laughing for a minute about someone's loud breathing, things went quiet. I proceeded to walk them through the same guided meditation activity I had done right before the opening number of my first play. I asked them to imagine their character’s backstory that they had made. Then, I asked them to run through that story again, but this time, imagining themselves in their character’s shoes. Eventually, I had them open their eyes and interact with each other as their characters. Though it was a little awkward for them at first, I could already see their potential.

We did this activity every week and slowly they got better and better. Before my eyes, they turned into incredibly talented individuals. Because of this, at our last practice, I proposed that we skip the meditation and do something else; but to my surprise, my offer was rejected. My witnesses told me that it was the most helpful activity that we've done. I of course didn’t argue and continued with the mediation as scheduled, however, their words got me thinking. 

Later that evening, as we were all saying our goodbyes for the night, one of my kids came up to me and thanked me. They thanked me for giving them something to look forward to every week and a way to escape their troubles for a bit. And as they walked away, I contemplated that quick interaction, as well as the protests to do our weekly meditation activity, and then I realized what my team had taught me.

They taught me to accept what is. As much as I want to, I can’t change the past. I can't go back and prevent myself from getting into acting- even if it would save my lung and sanity. Because even if I did, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be Mock Trial coach; and therefore, wouldn't be able to teach my witnesses how to act or how to do the activity that they love so much. I wouldn’t have been able to give them an escape, which I could tell some of them needed just as much as I did. But overall, I wouldn’t have the family that I created with my team. They showed me I didn’t have to struggle with my past anymore, but rather that I could accept it. I could learn from it, and finally, move on. And because of them, I did. This team doesn’t know it but they taught me more than I could ever know. And for that, I am forever grateful. Thank you, guys- 💛 Your coach.