My coach is awesome! | Teen Ink

My coach is awesome!

November 6, 2008
By Anonymous

My coach always expired me in playing basketball. I never know I can be good in playing. It was hard to get where I'm at now.
Like when I first started playing, it was hard. Like lay ups and jumpshots. That was something I didn't right away. I even wanted to quit, but I didn't. My coach helped me get threw my hard times.
One day i was playing real good and making all my shots. I was real happy, until one day. I went to practice and i started messing up. I was so mad and my coach yelled at me.
When people yell at me, I get even more mad. Like one time my teacher thought i was talking and i wasn't talking that got me really angry. So if i get mad i will not practice so well. then practice started being real ugly for me. Getting yelled at, to having to run. It all got on my nerves.
I tell myself maybe if I just try my hardest, maybe it will get a little better.
So the next day, we were learning something new. I didn't understand it, and my coach got mad i think the only reason he yells at me is to get better. I tld him that help me alot, because i was not doing so good.
Now, in every practice he yells at me. What i need to work on and what im best at. It helped me alot and i never quit.


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This article has 1 comment.


on Nov. 20 2008 at 2:35 am
Heyy... nice job! The problem is, though, that you don't have great vocabulary, for example, "good," "happy," and "help." Also, "alot" is actually two words; "a lot." I's should be capitalized. Also, your sentences aren't varied, and they are very choppy. For the paragraph "One day i was playing real good and making all my shots. I was real happy, until one day. I went to practice and i started messing up. I was so mad and my coach yelled at me," you can write: "For a while, I was very skilled at making the all my shots, until one day I went to practice and made too many blunders. My coached hollered at me, and I was infuriated beyond belief."

You obviously haven't practiced writing often, but I see some things that you should keep. You don't use to many big words, and I like that. It's like using 5 $25 words rather than 1 $100 word. As you should know, (hopefully,) $125 is better than $100! ;)

PLEASE keep writing! I would love to see what else you come up with! And please feel free to check out some of my work, too, like Hayley: A Hero. It might help you see what I mean about varying your sentences. Please put a comment on Hayley: A Hero when you publish something else so I can read it! Thanks, Marissa, and keep writing!!

-aubrey_the_author :)