Dear Past me,

I am kicking you to the curb. I am done feeling heartbroken and empty. This is me overcoming what I have been through. This is my battle cry, the crying out of letting go. I am moving on and to get over it, it starts with this one, simple thing, writing. This is the way to let go and the time has come. Last year was in the past and this is my way of getting over it. The last chapter closes right now.

Last year's corsage. The plastic string rolls on my wrist tugging at the little hairs while I try not to wince in pain. Black and silver designs glimmer outside from the overcast sky. On top, sets a burgundy and white rose, tied with a shiny silver and red ribbon. Baby's breath pokes out on the sides adding a nice little color pop to it. At the base of the flower sticks out a dark green stem. The rose has a twinkle in it, there is multiple fake diamonds sitting on top. I look down once again at the rose with a beaming smile. It was beautiful. It matched the burgundy color of my homecoming dress and my ex’s dress shirt. I run my other hand over the flower and it is still damp indicating that it is still fresh. The smell of it can almost be described as a spring rain shower, calm and cool. The night passes and the beautiful corsage is left on my dresser to dry out to make sure I keep it forever. Like the corsage, the memories of what used to be disappear. I forget that the corsage is even there. Little does everyone know, this corsage will hold many memories of betrayal, happiness, hurt and joy.

I was waiting for this day since I was little a little girl. I would be going to a school dance with a boy. I can remember seeing movies and tv shows of high school girls going to these dances and their dates being a gentleman. Then one day, I was that high school girl on that television show. I was the one waking up early going to hair appointments. I was that girl on a mission to find the exact nail polish to match the dress. I was that high school going out to find the gold glistening color shoes that matched the end of my dress. It was my turn. Let me tell you, that day took way too long to get here. The feelings of nervousness and excitement made the days turn into months. Before I knew it, the day had come. I was so unprepared, it can be described as humorous. I can still remember every detail till this very day.

The color of the sky is a gloomy gray. The breeze blows, chilling my body leaving me in goosebumps. It is a chilly and rainy October evening. The leaves are starting to change colors and the ground is now becoming cold. Some of the leaves blow by matching the beautiful color of the corsage. Flowers, that are planted in front of my house still, make an appearance in the background tying in with the leaves that have fallen. I look down and the grass is short and soft, it had been cut that early morning. I look around and see the green tree rustle in the breeze making me realize that once again it is cold.

The wind brushes my brunette hair, curled and braided, laid comfortably on my neckline. Wisps of hair come back and brush my face, tickling my cheek. Rosy pink cheeks, brown eyeshadow and black eyeliner,  outline my round brown eyes. I can feel the lace of my dress brush up against my skin and that is when I start to panic. How do I look? Is my hair okay? My makeup, did I smudge it? I slip my feet in the gold jeweled sandals that lay before me. I clasp them tight around my ankle and look in the mirror one last time. My heart begins to race and my hands become clammy. Anxiousness. I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life but this was a different anxious. It was a mixture of complete excitement and complete nervousness. I wipe my palms on the side of the burgundy lace dress and head outside for pictures. My heart rate picks up as soon as I see my date’s family. What will they think of me? Do I look good enough? I feel like my dress is too short? Did I bring the money with me? All my thoughts of anxiousness disappear as soon as I see his mother. She comes over and embraces me with a hug and proceeds to tell me I look beautiful. My heart rate slows and a warm fuzzy feeling takes over. I calm down and take everything in around me. Everyone that I cared about was in one room and having conversations, it was a neat thing to experience. My palms stopped sweating, my jittery-ness has stopped and I can finally calm down.

The night continues on and I do nothing but enjoy it. I enjoy the dinner we had, the laughs and the talks. Everything seemed to be just perfect. Before we knew it, we had finished and time was time to go to the dance. I glance down again one more time to look at my beautiful corsage, it was still as beautiful as it was just a few hours ago. I smile and proceed to walk out of the restaurant doors. I never want this night to end.

Along with time, life moves on as well. I once heard a good saying and it said, “They say things fall apart.” Well, in fact they can or they do. Sometimes it is better for them to fall apart. There is sometimes never a rhyme or a reason, but when it does happen it teaches you a lot about life. It teaches you to be strong when you thought you could not, brave when you are feeling scared, and whole new perspective on people and life. Unfortunately, yeah, my thing fell apart and got ugly, but life moves on. Bigger and better things come along and surprise you on the way.